The day my husband died in august will haunt me forever. I was with him when the machine keeping him alive was switched off. He looked at me with the saddest eyes I’m ever seen he even gave a wink at me and then he was gone. How can anyone get over this Im in a mess all the time I haven’t seen my friends since funeral they seem to busy all the time but I think they are avoiding me cause don’t know want to say. I feel so alone and think what’s the point of carrying on without my best friend and rock to think I will never see him again never feel his arms round me never going on holiday or just having a meal together everything is gone my life ended that day as well as his.
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Misprint,my husband passed away at the end of September, your words reminded me so much of what had happened to us,I’m sobbing writing this,this painful life is not what anyone should have to suffer.Its snowing hard were I Iive,breaks my heart to be here on my own,would be so cosy with Steve here,now I just feel so vulnerable,frightened of everything, never been on my own before
Look after yourself
Christine x
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Thanks Christine 38 I have tears running down my face reading these posts people put on here so much sadness in this world. I’m dreading xmas I expect you are as well no family left and friends have there own families so I expect it’s a dinner for one on a tray and then a walk up cemetery to spend some time with jim x
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Thoughts are with you, its hard, but try to stay strong.
Take care.
Dear Misprint
I have no words and can only imagine the heartache. My husband died in a road traffic accident and I never made it to hospital in time. I choose not to go in and see him and the funeral director (a family member) advised that I did not view. Fourteen months on and I go over and over the events of that day but the reality is that I will never get the answers to my questions. I wish I could take away the pain of all of us on this site. Like you have commented friends and even some close family drift away and return to their normal lives without even a backward glance to see if we are ok just making assumptions that we should be moving on. We have two (adult children) and two little grandsons. I stumble through each day if being honest but talk to them often about their granda. They are both under two so cannot fully understand but I know that they sometimes look at me and just see the tears and heartbreak as I tell them how much their granda loves them. I live in the hope that one day I will be reunited with my husband. Until then the struggles continue but somehow we have to just take one day at a time.
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It just doesn’t get any easier.
Oh for just one more minute with my darling, I would give up the rest of my life for one more minute.
Is it too much to ask?
I’m such a mess , I’m hurting so much
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Misprint I totally understand how you feel it was like reading my own thoughts and feelings . It’s almost 15 months since I lost my hubby very suddenly to a heart attack with no warning before hand so it rocked my world and knocked it sideways .
You rightly said that friends are all to busy to acknowledge you and you do feel so lonely .
That’s the part I find the hardest to cope with the loneliness day I day out. My house has gone from being so busy and noisy to being quiet and so still and I HATE!!! It.
Take support from this site and from others that know exactly what your going through
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I find it so hard to believe my husband is not coming back even now after 9 weeks,it’s like being tortured never knew anything could hurt so much,all our plans gone
Christine x
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I get the message the more and more I read people’s stories, yes we have lost loved ones, in different circumstances, but we all suffer the same heart break. People are at different stages, but none of us will ever be the same again. Words on here mean so very much, but words can only do so much. Sadly there will be no end to the pain, just at best, little respite, now and again, I wish I could speak more positively, I think I am okay, well , sometimes at least , then the slightest little thing , brings back reality. So to all on here, I hope you find some kind of comfort here, I have, .
Take care.
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Dear Maigret
No it is not too much to ask and I feel the same way. I have not eaten for two days and have forced myself to have something today only because I am hoping to have the eldest grandson on Thursday night. My husband’s best friend called me today and I just cried down the phone. I don’t think he had realised the timing of his call coincided with what would be my birthday tomorrow. Like you I miss my husband every minute of every day and that position will never change.
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Before I went to bed I always fixed the cushions on our sofas in living room. Breaks my heart I fixed them months ago & they haven’t moved.
Like yours, our home was noisy, busy, could be untidy, loud music, expletives wafting downstairs from his toy room as he fought great battles on the computer. Now it’s too quiet, TV not been on for weeks, heating at off (no point when majority of days I’m in bed). It’s a sad house now, no lights on, inside or out. I suppose I’m saving the planet now not using any gas or electricity.
Unbearably tidy though very dusty. Bins not been out for weeks, nothing in them to empty.
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Dear @Sheila26
I will be thinking of you tomorrow Sheila, it will be a hard day to navigate without that special card, that special hug.
Do what you can tomorrow, feel what you feel xx
Maigret
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@Sheila26
I will be thinking of you on your birthday. I hope you can find the strength to embrace the lovely memories you had with your husband on your birthdays. Sending love and hugs.
Amy xx
@Amylost @Sheila26
My birthday is next month. I still have the cards my husband gave me last year, sitting on fireplace. He got me a kids happy 6 birthday card with a giraffe on front and the greeting 6 years old & getting bigger every day. He added a 2 to the 6. Then he gave me my ‘To my darling wife’ card in case I was angry at the first card. I mean. How could I possibly be angry at him?? I posted a pic of it on FB, I thought it was just great, so like him.
So my 63rd will be the first birthday without him since we first met at 19.
Maigret
Hope your day goes as well as expected it will be my 60th in May we had planned to go on holiday to celebrate the deposit is paid for won’t be able to go now all our plans gone in a second
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Hope you managed, too get through the day, my next difficult day December 20th, Shells birthday, last year was the first one without her, sorry to say, I opened a bottle of vodka, had it with orange juice, its what Shell drank, I poured a glass, and put it by the ern, that contains her ashes, pride of place, on the unit in the corner. I got through, same as we get through every day somehow.
Take care.
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Dear Maigret
This is second birthday since my husband died. Last year was just a blur. Today woke to face another huge mountain to climb. Received hand-painted cards from grandsons - so lovely but still tinged with sadness. They are the only cards that I have put up. We always got cards with monkeys on and then posted our little secret message inside which we would spend days before each birthday trying to make it more difficult. Now there are no hidden messages of love to wake to and I wonder how I am expected to continue to function without him.
Will be thinking of you next month.
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Dear PeteE59
Thank you. We get through somehow yes and God only knows how but I still find myself questioning how my life went from sheet joy to utter devastation in hours.
I will be thinking of you on 20th. This time of year is already so difficult.
Margaret.
I know exactly how you feel. My husband was never one for birthdays but he always chose a a special card for me with beautiful words.
He was like a big kid. He used to prop a card up in front of a candlestick on the dining table and he always told me to read the words carefully. I have one card with a satin red rose on the front. He always said it cost £35 because he parked his car at the front of the shop and got a parking ticket. I still treasure that card. He bought it me because of the large satin rose on the front of it, after I had complained that he never bought me flowers. He told everyone it was the most expensive rose he had ever bought.
I saw him in the funeral parlour for the last time on my birthday and I placed a red rose in his hand.
That first birthday after he died was horrendous as there was no card waiting for me and the house seemed so quiet.
Birthdays mean nothing to me now only that another year has gone by without him. It is 3 years now since he passed and it has gotten a little easier but the hole in my heart never heals.
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Sorry My message was for Maigret and not Margaret .
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