Thank you so much, @Skip
3 Likes
@LostScaredAlone as others have said,. Not sure on the anonymity - but we all understand and here to support eachother, no judgements made you will always be supported by one of us at anytime night or day (another excellent thing on here - there is someone at any random hour) x
2 Likes
@Kel2 Thank you so so much
It’s official, I’ve just cried in front of a medical bod and the tears haven’t stopped ever since, so I think this afternoon is gonna be a chocolate comfort-eating afternoon now that the tears have started.
2 Likes
I’ve spent the afternoon crying - had a meltdown… There’s nothing wrong with crying in front of others - slowly learning that (I’m the one everyone comes too, only person who fully saw me at my lowest/worst is hubby)
I’ve been up since 1am in this state… Here helps honestly xx
3 Likes
I agree there is nothing wrong with crying in front of others and have done it both at work and in my local I am not embarrassed about it in the slightest.
It’s when I am at home alone it hits me the most everyone else has someone and I don’t plus it was me that was by my partners side through the last 4 years of hospital and doctors appointments and looking after her and going to work while she was ill.
So now I feel lost and lonely.
3 Likes
Thank you so much, @Kel2 - it’s always been the same for me too, and the only time I’ve ever really needed support and my so-called friends have mostly either deserted me totally or are still being their selfish selves and needing support from someone who really can’t cope with supporting themselves, let alone their friends and family too!
3 Likes
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this too, @Keith1957 but I do understand now that it’s happened to me. Everyone always talks about how much my partner supported me, but it was very much the other way around and I get zero credit for it, so I’ve learnt to just nod, smile politely and agree with them, but inside I’m seething.
2 Likes
Sometimes it’s that anger that gets you through the day so I embrace it which isn’t me as they say I am a lover not a fighter and I live by the motto why do someone a bad turn when you can do them a good one although I do get burned at times.
2 Likes
Exactly! I always prefer to help rather than hinder which usually comes back to bite me unfortunately.
1 Like
Its nice to know that there is someone who thinks like me so I thank you.
It’s hard being the supportive, caring, understanding person in the relationship that no-one sees is a lie isn’t it?
1 Like
People make their own judgements but the important thing is that you know the truth so be proud of what you did it doesn’t matter what they think.
You are so right, Keith
I get it. I am 52 and my husband died last March. I was the one who supported my parents in the last years of their life - my Dad died on 2018 and my Mum a few weeks before my husband and even now its me sorting out my mum’s estate as well as my husband’s. The people closest to me have said its too difficult to see me in pain even though I have been hiding 95% of my pain from them. The only place I can be honest about how I feel is with other people who have also been widowed. Even though we all have had different experiences we get it in the way others who have not been widowed can’t possibly get it. I love sharing memories about my husband and hearing the same from others.
Please share your special memories here - I love hearing those special loving memories and I am sure others do too.
1 Like
Thank you so much, @Heather51 - Steve lost his dad a few months before he passed so his whole family is raw with two lots of grief and I’m supporting them and got no support for myself now.
Tell me about your husband if you want to?
Thanks for your quick reply - its so difficult if you are used to being the strong one. I wondered if you know about Way Up. Its a group of wiidows that do virtual and in person meet ups. I am finding it helpful.
1 Like
Hi Heather. Look up the thread Stories and place yours there. I found it a great help to put mine on. I found it brings the good memories through the barrier of pain we all suffer. xx
1 Like
Thank you so so much @Heather51! I’m glad you’re finding it helpful… I’ll go and have a look for it now!
My partner , soul mate , best friend died at 2.30 am 6/2/2023. My guilt is killing me I called the district nurse as his breathing had increased and he was upset and scared , she came and gave him some meds , told me to call on an hour if still unsettled , recalled they upped the meds and he slowly calmed down and seemed to be sleeping so at 12.30 I laid down on settee in room next to bed , fell asleep , heard him mumble a few times but thought he was still calm . Something woke me at 2.30 am and I realised no breathing sounds , jumped up put light on and he’d just passed away I can’t ever ever forgive myself for not just sitting by the bed , I’m dying with pain xxx
4 Likes
@Martju - I am sorry you partner has died - this is so recent, so raw, so hard. My dear friend, many, many times, our loved ones let go when they know it is ok to go - and often it when those that watch and wait with them leave the room for a second, or fall asleep. I know this is hard, I know this hurts but I believe this is an act of love for us, on the part of those we love. My husband waited until he knew I would be ok, before he died. You were there, you were with him, he knew that. You have nothing to blame yourself for. Throughout the whole thing, you were there, his sentinel and his love and he took that with him and his love for you remains. Hold tight, my friend, hold on. Everyone here is with you and ready to listen if you need us.
3 Likes