the aftermath of losing my beloved son

My son died tragically almost three years ago and my life has never been the same since. Following what was a most traumatic event for myself daughter and her father not to mention the impact on friends and other family members, speaking personally i feel so lost. I find difficulty looking at photos of my son or speaking about him to almost everyone. Sometimes i feel a deep sense of guilt almost like am trying to obliterate his memory. After the death i focused so much on my daughter who after just a few short months became increasingly involved with her dad, from whom she and my son had been estranged for quite some time. Within three months following the death my son i realised my daughter’s relationship was deepening with her dad who lived miles and miles away alone without any other family member around. my daughter perceived me as stronger and left some 12 months later to as she put it…start afresh…build relationship with her dad…find job…meet new friends…almost 400 miles away from me. i gave her my blessing as i could see she was feeling torn and in need of somewhere different away from the memory of our tradedy. In the time she has been away she has had arguments and fights with her dad…and i have intervened if only to remove the tensions between them. ive supported my daughter emotionally financially and paid frequent expensive trips to see her. In return she has visted her home on three occasions two of which where important family occasions. Am i wrong to be hurt and upset about her lack of consideration of me and family here. Am i placing too many expectations on her…i feel like i really need to not focus on her now…and more on my own needs… afterall she is adult…yet am finding this too difficult…any one else experiencing such roller coaster emotions…

I don’t have any advice I’m afraid but i really feel for you. So sorry about your son. I lost my eldest son in April last year.
You are right that she is an adult and you need to look after yourself first in my opinion. Sending hugs :slight_smile:

Hello Catherine. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I to list my lovely son six months ago in an accident and life changed forever. I understand so much of what you talk about. The first couple of months I was in total shock, functioning on auto pilot. Then the thaw began and the real pain set in. I to am divorced and have my daughter. My emotions swing like a pendulum. I have watched her getting closer to her dad and sometimes I felt annoyed by it, I brought them up on my own. But yes you have to stay quiet and support them. Everyone is hurting. I to find it really difficult looking at photos of my son, I cry instantly. It’s like it makes it more real somehow. I look at them and ask am I really never going to see you again? And yes if I’m not crying I feel guilty! I have wished that his father and myself were still together so we could talk and cry together. After all only the other parent really understands. Life will never be the same again and that’s scary. Keep posting on here, there is always someone to listen and understand x