I know there are a lot of regulars on here who posted around the same time as me and I’m just curious if anyone feels the same?
It’s been 10 months ish since my mum died and I feel as if I’m going backwards? We have done sooooo many fun things together, holidays, days out and the house is full of photos of all these memories but I feel like I can’t remember them? If I sit down to think about her, I only think of bad stuff…I only think of her in hospital…her face…her last breath it’s as if my mind has blocked out all the good times?
In the early days, I was “fine” I went back to work, I would constantly do stuff with my son at the weekends, kind of to fill the void as we always used to do something as a three and I could go days, maybe weeks without even thinking about her
But lately, I have no motivation, I can’t be bothered to go work, I’m not sleeping, I’m having terrible dreams and it’s getter harder for me to find things for me and my son to do, we have pretty much done everything and been everywhere! At night time I find myself spending hours just laying on my bed, doing nothing, thinking nothing and before I know it…it’s morning again and back to our routine of being happy and getting on with things.
I bumped in to a old school friend in town last week who asked how my mum was…I panicked and said oh she’s fine I know that’s not normal behaviour and I don’t know why I said it. It’s almost as if it my brain won’t let me say the words, oh she’s gone now.
Basically…I actually feel like I’m going insane. Anyone else? Lol xxxxxx