Hi, I am currently in a very dark place although I shouldn’t be.
I lost my son 9 years ago (28 years old) in a car crash - he was actually driving to pick me up from work.
I lost my wife in November ‘22.
So, being alone I find myself in Turkey helping out with earthquake victims.
Although I have counselling sills, eft, emdr and clinical hypnosis skills I am unable to unblock this mental feeling of uselessness…
Last night I walked out without any ID on me. The 13 year old boy of the family I am lodging with found me and took me home where I received a good old roasting.
What can I do to get through this?
This morning I was asked ‘how I was’.
I answered "I feel like my head is in two halves, but not left / right, front and back. The back is the nagging dark part, the front is the happy go free me. Today I feel 70% good 30% dark and I’m scared the dark will win again.
You are doing such a great thing helping with the Turkish earthquake victims - the family who you are lodging with care about you as do everyone else who you are supporting and helping. Your selfless acts of compassion and kindness will be felt by so many - myself included - so thank you.
It is great to read that your head is 70 % positive so the scales are tipping in a very good way. That figure is far more than double the negative amount.
Imagine a sack of your thoughts sitting on a seesaw - as the counterbalance drops under the weight of the good bag the little bag of negativity will be sent flying into the stratosphere.
You are heard and you are cared about; I hope you will find peace in your amazing deeds x
I am so very sorry, you have lost so much and 9yrs is a flinch of time. All the theories about disbelief, rage, bargaining, acceptance gives the impression we do these steps in linear fashion but the brutal truth is, we go back and forth/ in and out whilst hiding our thoughts/feelings not wanting to burden others or indeed listen to platitudes about everything happens for a reason, they’re in a better place blah blah. Well meaning people want to take your pain away, make it better. You have the right to acknowledge the pain of loss, to rage against the injustice of you having to live without them. Perhaps you went to Turkey so you could help those feeling as raw as you. 9minutes 9 years what does it matter? The abyss is vast. Admit it and scream about it. I hope someone hears you and screams along side you.
Hi trevorfoggia,
I just read your post and wanted to reply to you just to say I am so sorry you feel like you do. I don’t have the right words to say to you but please don’t think you are useless. I don’t even know you but I can honestly say that the simple fact you are in Turkey helping earthquake victims is proof you are needed and not at all useless. How many of us could actually do that. It’s one thing thinking about helping victims and another actually doing it so please please realise how much good you are doing for the victims. they probably couldn’t put into words how much they are grateful to you for everything you do for them. The sad thing sometimes in our lives we don’t realise how much other people really appreciate us but from a complete stranger I appreciate what you are doing.
You have been through so much heartache and you should be so proud of yourself in helping other people.
I understand what you are going through when people ask how are you. i get asked the same and i really don’t know sometimes how to answer. I lost my mum last Dec and my head is all over the place and feel I am on a different planet to everyone else.
It’s a journey no one wants to be on.
Your healing journey lies with your amazing capability to help others and not everyone has that gift. Thank you for what you are doing for the earthquake victims and I hope you will realise how in return they are helping you. You are a true inspiration in what you are doing and you must keep going.
Keep posting on here whenever you feel like it and share how you feel. There will always be someone who will reply and I shall look out for you also
Let me know what sort of things you are doing with teh earthquake victims as I am really interested
Deborah x
Thank you Jubes.
Many thanks Markswife.
Deborah, many thanks mate.
Actually, and thank God, I am not on the front line - I don’t think I could handle that, but I’m in one of the many out stations that get deliveries of meds, water, food and cloths and then we distribute to the needed areas.
Not much fun but a worthy effort.
Hi trevorfoggia,
Goodness gracious I would say its a hell of a lot of effort. Tap yourself on the back and say a huge well done to yourself. Hold your head up high and be very proud. Also proud of yourself for coming on here and being honest about your feelings as so many of us have felt the same through this horrible grief journey. Hope you felt a little bit better after posting and realise people even strangers like us on here really care.
Keep posting ok and keep telling yourself you can do this . People are depending on you more than ever
Deborah x
Hi, my husband took his life in September last year, I now feel like taking mine, although at this present minute I won’t as I couldn’t do it to my kids. They’ve been through enough.
When you take your life you just pass on the heartache to those left behind. I’m sure you still have people who care about you. Also I’m glad you didn’t step out in front of the truck, the person who was driving would then carry the burden. It’s awful having depression or other mental health issues as at the time you don’t think about anything rationally just your own pain.
Try and get help for your low mood. I’m sorry I can’t give much advise as I’m not in a good place either but at least you know you aren’t alone. For me that always makes me feel a little better. Xx
Cheers mate. I will do…
Hi Kat,
Thank you for your message of support. I’m so sorry to learn what you have had to go through and you are right, I should have thought about the truck driver and those close to me. Your message has been a nice hard slap in the face to me and I realised my selfishness. It’s ironic really, many years ago I used to work for British Rail and was involved with a suicide where I worked. It affected so many of us let alone the poor driver. And I had forgotten that by doing such an act it leaves so much more pain to others.
I send you a hug and my sincere condolences my friend.
Please take care of yourself, your children need your love even more than before.
God bless x
Thank you. My dad worked for British Rail too, years ago a small toddler got on to the lines by wondering out of her back garden and unfortunately the train killed her. The driver went insane, he ended up turning into an alcoholic and lost everything if I can remember correctly.
It’s crazy how our lives can change in a instant. As I said I don’t know the answers or the solution but sometimes when I’m in a dark place I try and tell myself I’m still more fortunate than a lot of people. (Even though I definitely don’t feel it) I try and be thankful for a warm, safe bed at the end of the night. I have a lot to still be thankful for but my bed is currently my favourite 