The bureaucracy of bereavement

I am sure many of you are in the same boat but I have been juggling grief alongside with working (kind of keeps me sane) and dealing with all the bureaucracy that accompanies a death or deaths.

In my case, I not only have to handle my partner’s probate but also getting somebody out of the house my mum left me in Italy back in 2006 so that I can sell it. So I have to deal with two different legal systems. What fun (not)! And then trying to make a living so that I can pay my bills.

I think by the end of this year I might have gone mad! Well, hopefully not but I will certainly be worn out. Hopefully my health is not going to suffer too much. I know Andrew would not want me to suffer.

I just find all of this so tiring and soul-destroying.


Dear @SSTC22

This is the part no one can prepare you for and it is soul destroying.

Take one take at a time, you can only go as fast as the legal systems allow you to and it seems to take forever. I do hope all of this will be sorted for you soon.

Take care.


I really feel for you. My mum passed in March and I have finally decided to go with the probate assist offered from the company who have taken on the role of executor as she had the bank named - she did the will back in the 90s and was always going to change it as she feared they’d take a massive cut.

Its an unbelievably simple will - I am the only beneficiary and the “estate” is just our house. So shouldn’t be difficult in theory, just transferring the house to my name but all the legal terminology and its petrifying. What if I get something wrong, will I lose the house - utterly crazy thoughts. It’s a horrid part and I wish it could be so much more simplified.

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The system just conspires to add to our pain. There is no empathy in any of the systems. We did not have a Will, so I hired a solicitor to go through probate but to be honest I landed up doing most of it myself. But it is a painfully slow process. I eventually got probate 18 months after my husband died.