We won’t even mention the C word! X
My husband and I were not particularly Christmasy the last year or so. Our families have spread out and my daughter who organised a family day has moved to Spain. We didn’t mind, it was just the two of us and that was good enough. I have said for a year or so now “It’s just a day”, so why all the fuss. This year it will be literally that ‘Just a day’. Hope no one says to me “Are you all ready for Christmas”, I dread to think what my answer will be.
Yes, good idea come on the forum and have a good old chat.
That’s what we’ll do then
Hi Everyone,
Christmas seems to have hit me in the face today. The music, shops, plans to be made, gifts to be bought, finding cards and memories from my parents, pressure everywhere I look and all I want to do is get to the other side.
I feel so sick of doing things just to not upset others. I will hold it together as best as I can for my son but I really want to just have a duvet day…or even better, a month.
Has anyone else managed to plan to do what is best for them rather than everyone else on here and if so, any tips you can share?
Sorry for the negative rant but I just feel exhausted by it all today.
Sending love to anyone else struggling and look forward to our support sessions over Christmas.
Ann xx
Yes I plan to do exactly what I want. I am not bothered with buying presents, will give money or vouchers for the children and the odd card. I am totally indifferent now although I must admit my husband and I were losing interest. Too commercial. It’s one day, not a month. Sorry but I have become the Grinch…
xxxxx
Hi Pattidot,
It certainly is too commercial. I have some friends who make a huge deal of it and I felt the pressure mounting to buy a great present for their families. I’ve decided to buy them charity vouchers. Hopefully it will teach them something.
A fellow Grinch
Xx
This will be my first and I’m filled with dread since I lost my husband 3 weeks ago.Just the build up is bad enough.I don’t know what to expect.I just want 2 normal days.No tree,no decorations.I just can’t do it.
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Its a pity you can’t put up a tree or decorations. I said exactly the same last year but my tree was decorated by family and I found I did like having it after all. Today I have been out and bought some lights for outside and draped them over a bush and across my front window… I don’t like what Christmas has become but I do like the decorated houses. Brightens things in the winter.
Pat
There doesn’t seem any point.I am on my own and I just want two normal days as much as possible.
Hi Jill
2 normal days sounds fine to me. Do whatever you feel like just to get through. I have a feeling there will be quite a few people here ready to support each other if you need it.
Sod the tinsel is my new motto xx
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Dear Anne I’m so sorry for your loss of your father i lost mine 6 months ago and thinking I was starting to get over the loss the past couple of weeks i have had no enthusiasm for it .your situation is so difficult because its sounds to me your still grieving the loss of your father but you have to put a brave front on for the family .to me you need a break from all the formality and expectation to have your in laws round for Christmas day .But whose thinking of you and how your feeling .To me you have two options which may help one is to invite your in laws round later than expected and go out for Christmas dinner so you can relax and not worry about tensions around it or two go away for a few days over Christmas just you and your family .family time .there are many places still available to do that we did that last year for 4 days in Dorset was very relaxing and no cooking involved .its not all about everyone else maybe you should start thinking of you and your feelings .
I think that’s a brilliant idea jill support each other at this differ cult time xx
Nice to know others are likeminded. Well my starting point is or my foundation is “who I sin control?” My mind, emotions, body, spirit. Second, I cannot change the past. Third I have not control over the future, but fifth - I have now.
With these thoughts I have decided not to be alone this Christmas. a) I will seek out groups and join in events that are not family orientated or costly. b) I will be centring my thoughts on just being free, peaceful, contented and happy. c) I will remember happy moments we once shared and allow the sad feelings to pass through my mind without actioning/doing anything with them. Finally I know and will believe and do believe laughter encourage laughter, kindness foster kindness so these will be my gift to others. When all is said and done, please, please do endeavour with lots of effort to have a really happy Christmas whatever you perceive it to be Good luck for 2020
Hello
“…any point” I would love you to consider You. Take a moment and think of the real, tender, core you and ask yourself “Do deserve happiness?”
For the gifts you have given, for caring for others, for loving others, for being true to others, for your longsuffering etc., etc., Oh yes you do deserve to be happy. I am encouraging you to centre your thoughts not on sadness but on joy… feeling joyful for we can be sad and happy at the same time. Name one thing you Love, like, would like to do this Christmas that is nice, that gives you joy. And … Even though you feel sad, don’t want to, to just do it and feel the happy feeling that will be returned to you.
Oh yes, you are deserving.
Jill
I am touched with the depth of your feelings and hope you will be encouraged by my response “… no point”
Good luck for your future
Hunter
My husband died on the 5th December 2018, although he did have a serious health problem even his GP was surprised by his very sudden death, at home with only me with him, so sudden that by the time the paramedic arrived I kew I had lost him. Christmas passed in a kind of fog of shock and grief. Although i have managed to carry on with the life he wanted me to have it has been hard. I have been shocked at how difficult the last couple of weeks have been, this Christmas will be harder than last. We were together for over 50 years, but I have the tree up, presents bought and wrapped and as a family we will do our best to think of happy times, tears and smiles. Dont give up, You have your family , try and do as we will do, laugh cry but raise a glass to your happy memories. Good Luck stay strong Celia
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Hi All,
What a roller coaster Christmas is. Today I am feeling fine and thankful to be having a break from work. The next minute I could be overwhelmed with tears. Who knows which way the Christmas rollercoaster will go!
I felt a big pressure to “host” Christmas this year but I suddenly thought, stuff it! I don’t need that hassle so I am going to the in laws so I can come back home and mope if I want instead of putting on a brave hostess face. Putting myself first and taking the easy option is fine for a while and I hope you are all going to take the easy option too. Whatever that is. Want to ignore Christmas? Want to do something different? Want to embrace old traditions or new? All fine! Just be kind to yourself. I am sure that is what our loved ones would have wanted.
How are you all going to be kind on yourselves? We are going through enough without putting other people’s expectations on top.
The more I look around, the more I realise there are very few perfect Christmases around. Everyone has their cross to bare etc. I think it was the expectation of Christmas that was getting me down so much. It is just another day. Xx
Sending love if you are struggling today and giving you a high five if you are doing ok. Thanks for being on this crazy rollercoaster with me though.
Ann xx
Couldn’t agree with you more. It’s a day and we should be able to spend it how we want to, how we can cope. Last Christmas was one of continual tears for me but I do have some good members of my family that made sure I was alright. Bless them. This year I feel more able and will be helping with the cooking but if I didn’t have my lovely family I would be alone with my dogs and just get on with it.
Years ago we used to spend Christmas with all my family, it was a happy gathering but now they are all gone, so things have to change. My husband and I were not that Christmassy. Sometimes we joined family, sometimes we went away but I know that my husbands ideal Christmas was feet up in front of fire and watch rubbish TV, to him it was just a holiday from work. Yes I also send my love to you all. I owe you so much this past year.
Pat
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Hi all.
We made it. All that worry, stress, build up, expectation…and now we are here on Christmas day.
Wishing you all a peaceful day. Be kind to yourself.
Love Ann xxx
We will all get through this somehow.It should be the happiest time of the year but to me it’s just Wednesday.I’ll try and stay cheerful for my neighbour who’s gone to a lot of trouble to make sure I have a good time.I didn’t know how I would be feeling today but I am very close to tears.It will soon be January! X