With the 1000s of comments on this site from people suffering from grief. You would think it wouldn’t be beyond the wit of man/woman to put together a definitive instruction book to deal with grief .
The circumstances in which My son died involved a police liaison officer. She was extremely professional while also being informal. But in the days after his death she turned up with a bucket full of leaflets and a couple of " well being" books. Obviously this was part of her job. She was so much more than that with all the help and guidance she showed us. But with hindsight when you loose somebody especially if it’s unexpected you are so far removed from your comfort zone that the police officer might as well of handed me a bucket of fresh air. I think in the immediate aftermath is when you probably need help the most. But your brain is so scrambled that apart from people coming out with phrases like. " Oh my god, that’s terrible". There really isn’t any help. You somehow have to unplug your brain and reboot it. As we all know that doesn’t work.
Then maybe after the funeral doctors/friends/family start suggesting counselling. Some may give it a go some don’t. I tried it twice. Wasn’t of any real benefit. But they also hand you leaflets. But you are not ready to sit reading. Your brain is so numb at this point that you can’t even function as a human being, reading is the last thing you can do. I would say for at the very least the 1st year you are a complete jibbering wreck.
Then you may just start looking for answers or help. Maybe it’s just my experience but i searched out books written by some Californian PhD doctorate with 27 letters after her name talking complete and utter drivel . Or I have searched Amazon online bookstore and come across books with titles like. “Gods shinning light”. Or " walking with angels ". The problem is there is nothing Taylor made for your specific circumstances. There are barely any books regarding loosing an adult child. And if there are, they are not about your son or daughter.
Once you get to year two. No one in your circle wants to talk about the burden that you now carry with you everyday. So that leaves you with alternatives. You can start drinking. But you won’t find the answer you are looking for in the bottom of a bottle. You can move house, change jobs. That won’t help.
Once you are well into your journey you come to the conclusion that the only help you can get has to come from yourself. You are the one that has to choose how you help yourself. If you want to take up walking or swimming or meeting for coffee mornings. Basically absolutely anything that will give you a little comfort or a distraction.
Talking with people on this site or reading there stories is an incredible way to find empathy. Unfortunately there are no real answers we just are where we are. The only thing that makes you feel slightly better is another human beings unbridled kindness. Someone who understands saying a few kind words can make all the difference. Ok thanks for listening 