The craziness

I’m in work just now and sometimes it just comes into my head, this is madness! I’m here working and my son, my child is dead. Every day is a challenge. We awake to the pain, the nightmare and life dictates we must function, we must carry on, we must work. I’m now at an age where I realize just how cruel life is. It’s not wonderful and something to be grateful for. It’s hard work, sickness, heartache, worries and ultimately death.

Sorry for your loss,

I don’t have children, but lost my Dad in November. I admire people who are back to work, as I’m still struggling with daily things. Like you, I struggle with the realisation of just how cruel life can be. We aren’t promised anything else in life, but death yet it’s something so many people shy away from or be awkward about. I suffer crazy panic attacks now, insufferable anxiety because I’m just so scared all the time. Scared incase I lose someone else, scared incase there might be an accident when I’m in the car or my partner is driving. I’m. So. Careful. Now.
Because nothing in life is worth losing the ones you love the most. It’s almost 4 months and I’m still hit with the ‘OMG my dad is dead’ thought.

We’ll get there.

Thank you for your reply. I’m sorry you’ve lost your dad and been exposed to this pain so early in life. My son was your age (27) when he died last year. Like you I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. I think your feelings are all to be expected especially if your dad died suddenly. You will still be in shock. But hopefully in time we will be able to manage them better. I hope you have other family round you to support you and help you on this journey. Take care x

Thank you, it’s a pain no one else feels.
Oh wow that’s so young, I’m so sorry you went through that. No parent should have to plan their child’s funeral.
It was sudden, he suffered from Emphysema but it was a heart attack and I found him alone at home. That still breaks my heart. I haven’t faced other people yet, it feels safe to hide at home still. I’ve had to face my first birthday, Christmas, New Years and his birthday in March all very soon. It makes it harder to bare, him missing so much already.
Thankfully I have my partner and a couple close friends. Family yes, but none who are very supporting. I hope you have people around you?
My heart goes out to you and I’ll think of your son today.