Hi, I’m new here but had the worst time of late. So July last year I sadly lost my dad to cancer which I was devastated about and still find hard to deal with the thought of not having him around anymore. Then a day after Boxing Day I lose my mum as well. There really are no words to describe to way I feel other than just empty and sometimes I wonder how I keep going.
I’m sorry you lost both petants last year. What an awful time.
I’m struggling after losing my lovely mum to a sudden brain haemorrhage in June. I had already lost my dad to a sudden heart attack 20 years ago.
Being without both parents is terrible. My anchors have gone.
I am lucky that I have a partner and a 12 year old daughter but I’m so sad now in life.
I’m thinking of you.
I’m quite new here too. I lost my dad in June and my mum 10 years ago after 13 years of dementia. I have found the grief has been hitting me in waves. Each time it really floors me and I feel very weepy and low. I’ve found letting it out and trying to not judge myself really helpful. It’s natural to grieve but we are not taught how to do it. In some cultures there is much more support for bereaved people. I am finding in time that the waves get lower and last for a shorter duration but grief is different for everyone. It really helps to be able to talk to others though - I’m sure even joining this forum will help you feel less alone in your grief.
I think it feels worse when we have had close relationships with our parents - but then I have to count myself so lucky that I did have them as parents and to have had their love and support for so long. They have taught me so much and I hope their spirits combined live on through me and others.
I hope you will reach out for support when you need it - GP, counselling, local bereavement service. Don’t be afraid to ask. It’s very normal to need help especially when you have been through so much.
I have also been reading a really helpful book - Overcoming Grief - which gives practical steps to help you come to terms with things over the months. In time you might want to do something to remember your parents - plant a tree or do something in their memory for charity.
It’s really very early days for you - just over a month since your most recent bereavement - so please be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to heal.
I have found regular exercise really helps when I make myself do it. And seeing friends face to face as well, even if it’s just a quick cup of tea.
Csells, I’m sorry you’ve had such an awful time with the loss of both your parents.
I lost my Mum in October suddenly of pneumonia and a heart attack and my Dad twenty years preciously.
I’m struggling to get my head around the new reality.
I’m glad you’ve found these forums, as people understand how raw it feels.
Thank you for a very helpful post. You are so right. We in the West are brought up to push the idea of death aside. ‘It’s morbid’, ‘why look for trouble’, ‘you must not frighten the children’. Then suddenly, even as a child, we are thrown into bereavement. Either a close relative, a parent or sibling, and yes, even a close friend. We were never told this might happen. We were not told how to cope with it. The motto today is ‘if it’s not fun don’t do it’. Life is not all fun, as we here know only too well. But death is a part of life. Yes it is natural to grieve. It’s a process Nature has given us to release emotions and cope with the trauma. I am not suggesting we talk to very young children about death. That would indeed be morbid. But we need to ensure that youngsters understand that it can happen and not to push it aside as something that will never happen to them. I grieved for my parents many years ago, but it was nothing like my recent loss. There are degrees of pain depending on the individual and their closeness to the lost one. Some find it easier than others, but the common thread of grief runs through it all.
My wife had dementia at the end, and thank God only for some months. It’s really awful to see a loved one deteriorate so much in such a short time. 13 years I can’t imagine.
If I may say so your post is positive. Thank you. Blessings. John.
That’s very kind of you. I’m sorry for your loss.