It was 2 years ago today that I lost my partner. There’s not been a day that goes by when I don’t think about him.
The pain’s not as acute as it once was;
it’s now like a dull ache rather than the continous jabbing of sharp needles, but it’s still pain that can flare-up and catch me by surprise.
I’m learning to live with my grief, but it never goes away. Life has carried on and I’m able to function. E.g., I can go to work, the shops, out for dinner and even trips away, but it’s not quite the same. It’s tinged with a sense of loss which is deeply embedded, but I don’t openly show it.
I still can’t believe that he’s no longer here, where as others can and have moved on. It’s easier for them I guess, as it didn’t/doesn’t directly affect them in the same way. I am trying to accept it though but it’s a process.
I look at pictures taken before he passed, knowing that there’ll be no more; frozen in time while I get older. It’s difficult to comprehend sometimes; he was only 50. Too young, too smart, too bright and funny to no longer exist. In a strange way, I sometimes wish I could go back to those early days of grief, where I was in a bubble. It was new and raw and because of that, I could kind of keep him alive in my minds eye. Where as now, time has passed and whenever he’s talked about, it’s in the past tense.
Can anybody else relate to this?
Love and light to all those that find themselves in this ghastly club that nobody wanted to join.
