I’m feeling quite numb, it’s my mum’s birthday tomorrow and mum would of been 80, we had plans for her birthday but now it’s just all so strange, how can I celebrate when mum’s just not here and not long either, then have to face mother’s day, I want to just hide and stay in bed and wake up when both are over, but I know I will regret not visiting the grave and setting flowers and balloons with the family, but all I want to do is just scream why are you NOT here, I never wanted or asked for it I know that sounds silly and I can NEVER be angry with my mum EVER I’m just angry mum is not here for her birthday, but I as the rest of the family will have to pull it all together again, gosh my eyes are tired of the tired when does the crying stop!!! Tears must be endless I guess.
I’m so sorry about your mum. There will always be days when our grief is harder to cope with than others. Lots of people find important dates like birthdays especially difficult, and you’re not alone.
Our Head of Bereavement Bianca shares some tips on how to cope with important dates in this video:
Hi I had this exact situation (80 as well) a week ago. She passed away in December so missed it by 3 months. I went with my sister and dad to put flowers on the grave then my sister wanted to do something my mum would’ve liked to have done so we went to a garden centre. It was unbelievably hard but I got through the day somehow. Cried the rest of the night. I’m dreading Mother’s Day as well now. I think it’s just getting through each thing one at a time. No words of wisdom really to offer but happy to chat if you want.
It’s Penny’s birthday next week, and it will be my 4th without her. It’s a difficult time because March is her birthday, April is when she died, and May is our Wedding anniversary (54th this year ) What I have learnt is that my reaction changes with time. The first one was awful, with all the emotions people are having on here. but each year it gets easier for me as I become more positive and the grief starts to ease. I began to realise they are special days, and the opportunity to remember and celebrate our time together, not to spend it in misery and heartache. She would want to be happy and grateful I want to spend my thoughts with her on that day. So next week, I’ll be out and about in some place we both loved, chatting to each other about the birds and spring flowers she loved, we’ll even be holding hands. I know I’ll sometimes be smiling through damp eyes. So I know the first dates are desperate, I really do remember them well, but try to remember it’s not necessarily a life sentence, when the happy memories bubble up to the top. I try to stay grateful for the 49 years and 11 months we shared our lives. Be stronger each year!
Today’s the day to celebrate her birthday, so it’s up we go to meet her memory on the top of Mam Tor in the Peak District with the three dogs. As I get older, now 78, it gets more difficult each year, but I’m going to keep trying. My two metal and plastic knees complain, but they don’t get a vote, they’ll do as they are toldThe second part of the challenge is a pie and pint in one of the lovely pubs up there, I’m pretty sure I’ll manage to do that bit. Looking forward to chatting to her and rekindling some lovely happy memories.
I did it!!! I had a lovely day of memorialising her birthday! It was physically tough, one leg doesnt work too well this morning, but thats a small price to pay. When we set off up the hill, it was foggy at the top, but by the time I staggered to the finish the sun was out and it was beautiful. I had a lovely chat with Penny sat overlooking the lovely Hope Valley and Castleton, recalling all the happy things we did together. What made it better was it was Eid (I didn’t realise, and I really didnt know what it meant.) Chatted to lots of moslem families all dressed up and enjoying their day, it all gave it a sense of joy.. This is the 4th year I’ve done this, and you can be certain the first one was done through tears with all the early dreadful emotions people recognise, but now my heart looks forward to it, but my body doesnt!! I have a choice, and I’ve decided to do it again next month for another anniversary, and again (I Hope) for yet another in May. Just to prove I did it, here’s a photo. The big lab is a Guide Dog, who is with me on his holidays for a few days, but was useless at helping to pull me up!! My own two little dogs were shy and insisted on hiding behind him! Oh, the pie in the pub was lovely!!
how can I celebrate when mum’s just not here and not long either, then have to face mother’s day, I want to just hide and stay in bed and wake up when both are over, but I know I will regret not visiting the grave and setting flowers and balloons with the family, but all I want to do is just scream why are you NOT here, I never wanted or asked for it I know that sounds silly and I can NEVER be angry with my mum EVER I’m just angry mum is not here for her birthday, but I as the rest of the family will have to pull it all together again, gosh my eyes are tired of the tired 
when does the crying stop!!! Tears must be endless I guess.
) What I have learnt is that my reaction changes with time. The first one was awful, with all the emotions people are having on here. but each year it gets easier for me as I become more positive and the grief starts to ease. I began to realise they are special days, and the opportunity to remember and celebrate our time together, not to spend it in misery and heartache. She would want to be happy and grateful I want to spend my thoughts with her on that day. So next week, I’ll be out and about in some place we both loved, chatting to each other about the birds and spring flowers she loved, we’ll even be holding hands. I know I’ll sometimes be smiling through damp eyes. So I know the first dates are desperate, I really do remember them well, but try to remember it’s not necessarily a life sentence, when the happy memories bubble up to the top. I try to stay grateful for the 49 years and 11 months we shared our lives. Be stronger each year!
The second part of the challenge is a pie and pint in one of the lovely pubs up there, I’m pretty sure I’ll manage to do that bit. Looking forward to chatting to her and rekindling some lovely happy memories. 
