The hardest time of my life

Hello, I’ve spent some time reading the threads on this board and can totally relate to what a lot of people are going through. I lost my dad in December and I feel like I’ve been in a total funk for the last 5 months. He was ill for a a number of years before he passed and unlike a lot of people we were lucky to be with him throughout his final day’s, which brings a level of comfort but I completely underestimated how I was going to feel once it all happened, tbh I probably was in denial of what was happening, so the reality hits you hard. Keeping positive and looking to the future is immensely difficult as the impact on your life and others is immeasurable. It throws everything up into the air. I didnt really go back to work after it happened and am in the process of moving in with my mum and looking for a new job as well as sorting out my flat and find it hard to find the motivation to move forward. Ive had low periods before but this feels overwhelming at times.


Hey @Matt2 so sorry for your loss. It’s odd as adults we don’t face into the fact that the expected course of nature is that we’ll outlive our parents and there will come a time when they are no longer with us.

I’m pleased that you had thr opportunity to be with your dad during his last days. I hope in time that brings you some comfort.

I can understand the feelings that you describe having lost my Mum in March of this year.

You have to do things at your own pace and what you feel able to day by day. Have you looked into grief counselling?


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I lost my mum just under 3 weeks ago in the most horrific circumstances. My brain hasn’t connected the dots yet that it’s actually happening

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Thanks for your replies. I am seeking additional help, I can appreciate that grief is a process you have to go through but at the moment everyday feels the same. Its hard for people and friends to necessarily know whast your going through when they are confidently getting on with their lives, all the joy and optimism gets drained from your life and I spend my time ruminating when times were happier as its impossible to see a better future. I know my dad would want me to get on with my life and fulfill all my goals and aspirations so Im trying to hold on to that.


Hi Matt I’m so sorry for your loss I lost my dad 2 years ago and still really miss him then last year lost my husband to be , it’s all so very hard you’re just trying to get through each day and there doesn’t seem to be any bright light for the future. Take one day at a time that’s all we can do x

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When I read your message, my heart went out to you and I completely understand how you are feeling. What you have had to go through is life changing, profound and will be deeply unsettling but I think in time, you will begin to see small signs of improvement as you allow yourself to grieve.
For me, losing a parent is so deep, so sad and damn hard but there is some solace in reading your words which echo how I feel. I lost my Mother a month ago and now everything is utterly different. I am spending most of my time with my Dad who was 90 yesterday and we are grieving together.
Like you, I am not working and I did try for two weeks but it was just too much so I understand - it’s so hard to find that motivation, isn’t it? You know you need to do things when it is right for you and I don’t think you should feel any pressure right now. Aside from the grief and anxiety, getting on one’s feet again is so hard, isn’t it? Most people would advise a ‘small steps’ approach because at the end of the day, you need to work things out for yourself and I just want you to do what is right for you.
Right now, I feel little wish to go back to my job and feel the need to spend time with Dad as she is so alone right now. It’s great you’re with your mother, you are doing the right thing for now.
I hope today or whenever you read this message and somehow it may help you. I can relate to what you have written so much…
Take care