I lost my Wife Pat in April and nine months later the grief is still no easier. We have been together for 60+ years . She was an incredibly vibrant lady and whoever she met they warmed to her. I try to fill my days with work and also sing in two choirs. I also compose music but since her loss I cannot write a note . Love a very undefinable thing and I now know realise how deep my feelings are . My family are very supportive but I wouldn’t lay my feelings on them as they have grief of their own and lives to live
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Hello terry 83
Your wife sounds amazing we need to learn not to fix our greif but to honor it. Greif is a reflection of the conection we have lost. Greif is painful. I feel your greif I am witnessing your pain I have family and work collages but I feel they have their own problem but on here we can be who we are and share .I am sorry for you loss we will be listening and you are not alone . Breathe and take another step . Sending much love xx
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Hi Terry, I’m so sorry for your loss. You must miss her terribly.
I hope this doesn’t sound really insensitive. I’lost my husband in August. When I started this journey I found it terrifying to read that people much further down the line still felt this pain. I see people around me move into a new normality I can’t fathom. How do they get there?
But then I realised I don’t want to get there. I don’t want to ‘feel better’. Yes I know I need to learn to live with this and hopefully at some point that will mean ‘live’ rather than exist but I don’t ever want this loss to be forgotten.
So in some ways I now find a wee bit of comfort to know that I will still feel this pain, that it won’t go away. It’s a sign of that true love and bond we have with our soul mates. I hope I’ll feel some joy with it too at some stage because Martin was all about that.
I hope that doesn’t sound insensitive.I don’t want anyone to be living in this pain but we do and it must have a purpose. It’s just finding that purpose which is hard.
Look after yourself x
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I lost my husband in August, and your post mirrors my feelings.
Thank you 
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Thank you !
Hi . You are correct that maybe a part of me does not want to stop grieving and hurting . In a strange way these feelings are a connection to my wife that has to remain .
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Thank you for your reply and I am so sorry you are in a similar position. The only comfort is looking back and feeling very grateful we had our partners in our lives
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I can really relate to what you say. It reminds me of listening to Richard E Grant on Desert Island Discs shortly after my husbands funeral. He talked very bravely about how he felt after his wife’s death of how people kept saying to him that ‘Time heals’ and he said he didn’t want time to heal - he didn’t want to forget her. It helped me to hear him grieve so openly on the radio.