My wife and I used to buy ice creams and sit in the car in a quiet spot and eat them. It was just a small treat we both enjoyed. When I was cleaning the car out the other day I found, under the seat, an ice cream wrapper which must have been overlooked. It threw me! Now only you who read this will understand. I foolishly told a friend and the answer was, ‘well it’s only an ice cream wrapper’. Yeah only!!!
I find lately it’s not so much big memories that get to me but small ones like that. Someone tried my door the other day, (I live in a community of open doors), and although it was momentary it aroused all sorts of memories.
I am better than a year ago, oh yes. But memories seem to pop up without regard of where you are or what you are doing.
It will be year now since my wife went into a care home. It all seems to have been in a haze. It seems only yesterday.
Sorry, I don’t often go on about myself, but I thought maybe others have the same problem. Bless you all. XX
Hello Jonathan You talk as much as you like about you. You help us all so much. It has been three years since I lost my lovely Ron and my feelings will never change for him, I go to my daughters on a Tuesday to help with the ironing and she has a really lovely pictures of her Dad in pride of place so what I do is to ask Alexa to play mine and Ron"s song which was Andy Williams singing Almost there and I dance with Ron"s photo so I call it my dance and date with him. I am crying when I dance around the room with him but I fee so close to him. We do anything Jonathan to help with this horrible grief don"t we. After being married nearly 51 years missing him is so hard but I have a very supportive family and great friends who have also lost their love ones so we know how we are all feeling. I live in a community so there are many ladies who are on their own so we are struggling to a certain point. What would we do Jonathan with out our memories. Love and hugs to you and keep posting you help us so much. xxx Carol.xxxx
Today I had lunch and remembered mum used to cut her crusts off because her teeth hurt. She never got round to sorting out her teeth. It broke me. Just sitting there staring at my crusts of bread. I then sent her a message and the tick that says it’s read has not appeared and it has actually finished me off today. Today is a bad day. You take whatever comfort you can find. People can be so thoughtless.
Jonathan…
…oh how insensitive your so called " friend " was…huh, " only an ice cream wrapper "…doesn’t this person know this ice cream wrapper at that moment in time was your nearest connection to your dear wife…
Jackie…
Dear Jonathan
Your friend has not walked in your shoes so s/he cannot understand the preciousness of your wrapper and how finding it was bitter-sweet…when memories arise suddenly they take our breath away…how lovely though to remember your wife and the joy you shared…take carex
Hello Jonathan. These memories no matter how large or small is the contact we have with our loved ones. They keep them alive for us, they are so very precious however how can anyone that hasn’t been in this place we are ever understand.
Today I also had my moment. I went as usual to our allotments and found a metal arch had been blown all over the place by the strong winds we have been having and was only hanging there because the Rose’s were keeping it in place but it was all twisted. I decided to take it all down but couldn’t get the metal bits apart, so changed tactics and knocking posts into the ground managed to fix it up again. It didn’t look too bad. But without warning I then found myself sat on the ground and sobbed. Brian would have known what to do and made a much better job than me. I felt so useless yet Brian always said I was the most independent woman he had ever known and couldn’t understand why I always insisted on trying to do everything myself. Now I am forced to get on with it and I so want his help.
I had that moment we all have at times. How was I ever going to go on without him. What is the alternative though, sit at home and stare into space. I don’t think that is really me. Today is not a good day but tomorrow is another day and I always hope that faint light is going to shine. You also talk of this light and when I see it I wonder if you are seeing it also.
I am with you on that journey, this time last year Brian was becoming slowly weaker, slowly leaving me. I agree it seems like yesterday, where has this last year gone, has it been a nightmare. If only, and we could wake up. All these memories of a year ago are coming back to haunt me.
Every day I pray for Hope. Hope that I will find happiness and contentment again.
You do so much for all of us and we are here to listen when you want to share these precious moments. We all understand that is why we are a very special community.
God bless to everyone.
Pat xx
I do so agree with all the sentiments in this thread, what throws me is going in the pockets of his jackets I cannot bear to give to charity and finding tissues in the pockets
I still have his hair brush with his hair int it , a great comfort
For me it is a mug… My Richard was given a china mug with the photo of one of our three dogs etched on it for a Christmas present from one of his nieces’s a few years back, of which all three dogs have now departed sadly but this one particular mug was who i shall call Richards favourite dog, although if, and when he was here, he would always dispute this as saying, “all three were my favourites,” well i had often caught him trying secretly to kiss the etched on photo of our-his dog and saying some words to him, of course he tried to do this in secret, now i will take out his mug and give his mug-our dog a kiss from me, and another kiss telling him " this one is from your master and he cant do it anymore, he is now with you…"i shall never ever get rid of their mug, it is precious to me as well as i too miss all three of my-our dogs along with my Richard…These are the days i never saw coming…
Jackie…
Dear Jonathan, Your post was so poignant, and I fully relate. I am still finding those reminders of my beloved sister everywhere. Even an aroma (her favorite was Patcholi) will waft through the air, and I feel she is in the room with me again.
A cup she drank out of, a note with her handwriting on it, the decoration from atop her last birthday cupcake (found in back of the cupboard). They all give me pause, a tear, a bittersweet moment of reverie The comment from your “friend” was insensitive, and I am sorry you had to be subjected his rudeness. In my grief I’ve learned we must be discerning with whom we share these sacred moments. There are no “onlys” because a wrapper, a mug, an aroma, a cupcake topper, are all like nuggets of gold to us, as we grasp for any link to our loved one. Thank you for sharing. Xxx Sister2
For me it was noticing the two placemats on the table, opposite each other where we had our last meal together. His placemat had a few crumbs scattered on it. These were his crumbs and I couldn’t throw them away. What emotion they brought back. They are now in a small tin for me to keep as a memory and as part of him.
In reply to all of your posts. I can relate to them all. I have 2 mugs that my husband used everyday, I now use them all the time it is a great comfort to me. I also have a lock of his hair. I do hope you don’t think this wrong . I just had to snip a lock of his silver hair. It just felt right for me to do. I have a lock of hair from my children after their first haircut which is very common to lots of mums so it just came into my mind I want to get some sort of locket to keep it in or maybe just keep it with our children’s curls.
John I do understand so much about the ice cream wrapper it is the small things that get to you. I found a a couple of mints in a pocket & he loved extra strong mints so I do understand. I do hope you are ok you have always been so kind to all of us, thinking of you John & all my other friends on this forum x
Well guys, alright, you had me in tears. Honest. The love and understanding that comes through your posts is overwhelming. Thank you all. Oh yes, that chink of light does get brighter. It will soon be a year since my wife died. I’m coping, just. Bless you all and sending lots of love. XX
Oh unhappy, no, no! Nothing is right or wrong. You do what you want. Grab every little bit of comfort you can. Store them away in your mind’s box, and when the time is right, open it and enjoy good memories that replace the bad ones. That time will come if we persevere, but God knows, it’s not easy.
Take care.
Hi All. Yes, I use Brian’s mug all the time. I wear his teashirts and his waterproofs and jackets. I have one of his jumpers on at the moment and wearing his socks. Oh and not to forget his watch I’m wearing.
Regarding a cutting of his hair, I have that also. I put it in a tiny container I found in a charity shop for a £1. It’s quite lovely and he would have approved. His hair never went grey and is still the lovely colour it was all his life.
I found a shopping list in the pocket of one of his coats and have kept it. In fact anything that is in his writing I keep. Whatever it takes to give comfort.
xxx
Pat…
…yes you have hit it on the nail " whatever it takes to give us some form of comfort…" and that helps to keep our loved ones closer to us, has to be a blessing…
Jackie…sending all who are posting in ( the ice cream wrapper ) a ((( hug )))
Hi Pat
Yes I wear my husbands clothes they are a bit big but warm & his slippers & socks I do find it a great comfort . Sending love to you all x it does help to say theses things to people who understand thank you
Hi Pat
I understand how you are feeling I am thinking back on this time last year & it’s horrible he was slowly getting more ill each day. I try to push it out of my mind but can’t. As for Christmas it’s going to be dreadful thinking of you all. X