The Kids

Tomorrow our? my? daughter turns 21. It’s not her first birthday without her dad. He died 15 months ago aged 53 and frankly for me ( wife) my reality gets worse not better. This post is not about me it’s about our daughter. She is 21 tomorrow and is so brave and strong and beautiful, but without her Dad who adored her ( as well as her big sister), it’s just so difficult. I’m trying my very best to make it special but am struggling and feel such a range of emotions. How can we best serve our children who lose parents too soon?

Hi Cristal,

Birthdays are often such a hard time, particularly ones that we consider a ‘big’ birthday, like a 21st. I’m sure your daughter knows that this is hard for you and will be missing her dad as well. I hope that the day went as well as possible and that you were able to celebrate and remember him together.

We have an advice page on our website about supporting young people with grief which you might find helpful:

Linda555 has also posted recently about her daughter’s birthday after her husband’s death. You might find it helpful to read and reply to her post here:

My, our daughter got married six days after my husband’s funeral. Of course I went, tried to smile in the right places but underneath I felt wretched. I tried to remember that the day was about my daughter, not me. I kept off the alcohol as that makes me tearful. Steve wanted to be there but he knew he wouldn’t. Your daughter will be feeling it too , It needs to be a special day for her as it is a celebration of her life and you and your husbands achievement of having such a lovely young woman in your lives. Writing a card from Mum is very hard. But you can do it, for both of you. Xx

I lost my brother at 14, my dad and my Mum last year… I know exactly how your daughter would be feeling, and I understand your emotions too. Just try your best like you say that’s all you can do. Just be there for them the best you can x

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