My mum passed away on the 6th of September this year, she struggled with addiction to alcohol. We still don’t know the cause as she was found at home and had passed away whilst my stepdad was at work. The last conversation I had with her was horrible and I was frustrated and angry at her for relapsing again because my daughter missed her dearly and wanted to see her and I always said when she was drinking she couldn’t see her. I told her in the last messages we had that I didn’t want to talk to her anymore and that she’d lied to me and I was so angry. We then briefly spoke on the phone and I was sooo blunt with her where as I normally would tell her without fail that I love her before ending the call and didn’t this time. She passed away 5 days later at home by herself and I feel sooo much guilt and pain because of this. I know it doesn’t define our relationship as my mum was my best friend and I know it was tough love but I just miss her so much and would give anything to rewrite those last communications we had.
So sorry for your loss. I am sure your Mum loved you very much and knows that you love her. My Dad passed away about a year ago. One of his favourite stories had a moral, basically the moral is that a relationship shouldn’t be defined by where you leave off. You and your Mum had a million words between you, your last one’s don’t have to have any more significance than any others you have shared. Your relationship should not and could not be defined by a single moment. Please be kind to yourself