My partner passed away suddenly due to a tragic accident while hiking. I can’t help but constantly think of the morning he left to go on his trip, wishing I could go back and hold him longer, ask him not to go and stay with me instead. The pain I feel when thinking about this is unreal, I can see his face so clearly as we’re laughing and joking about on the drive, then as I ask him for another kiss before he goes, the cheeky smile he gave me and the sloppy long kiss, I can still feel and see it all… I’d give anything to go back to that moment. 
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Hello @Katiew9,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your partner. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.
Take good care,
Alex
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Thank you Alex
xx
So sorry for your loss. It must at least be comforting to know you left each other with a kiss. Unfortunately I didn’t get that chance. My last memory of him is traumatic. I would give anything to have your last memory. Please try to be positive and ride the waves of grief. Xx
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Hindsight is a wonderful thing, if only we knew then what we know now. To look back and think what we should have, could have done is not helping you. You can’t change what happened and torturing yourself won’t help you, it’s not your fault and you couldn’t have changed anything.
I believe in our destiny, and my partner was meant to die that day at that time, no matter where he was in the world, it would have happened as that was his destiny and I can’t and couldn’t control that.
Life is changed forever and at some point I guess we have to accept that and make a different life and that’s the hard part.
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I believe in destiny as well.& painful as it is to accept.it was there time on this Earth to go.& hopefully one day we will know the reason.but we have to keep moving forward & find our new normal & enjoy it.as some day it will be our time to join them.xx
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I also feel very guilty about the last moments with my wife which was 11months yesterday i beat myself up saying why didn’t i phone for an ambulance but my son said dad your making yourself ill because it was so sudden one minute watching tv the next dead in the bathroom could not stop kissing her kissed her again in resuscitation room and again while laying in her coffin at the undertaker she looked beautiful my darling bless you all xxx
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The last time I saw my darling Keef alive was just before I went to the loo on that fateful night back in February. He’d been in hospital for nearly 3 weeks and had lost so much weight because they didn’t feed or help him at all. Something made me leave the room and I gave him a big hug, just saying that I’d be back in a minute but no response. I come back in the room, where my daughter still was, and the nurses were all around him then one of them turned to say “He’s gone”. The end of my world but I sort of managed to say goodbye even if it was just to go to the loo. I try and forget what he looked like in those last few weeks in hospital, because it wasn’t really him.
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Aw so sweet … yes we miss their hugs and their kisses ! Im sick of living tbh … i wish i had gone with him … 
take care xx
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Thank you. I must admit that I’ve had times when I wished that I wasn’t here but I think that he would have been really disappointed if I had given up. I don’t like this new “life”, but something, somewhere keeps me hanging on, it’s probably my kids and grandkids. I found the summer a little better, longer, lighter days, but really not looking forward to shorter days and long dark nights. Oh well, back to Star Trek xx
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The last time I saw my husband was when I went to work on the Saturday afternoon. I did a sleep in and went Christmas shopping on the Sunday morning. I checked my phone and noticed a few miss calls from my son. I rang my son for him to tell me that dad had collapsed, time I got home my husband was gone. He was 53 years old. I feel so guilty not being there with him when he died. I did CPR but couldn’t save him. Life is so cruel.
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I think.my husband passed thinking my family were gonna look after me ? But they havent ! Its all been a big lie … its really only me and my puppy in all honesty … ! She has saved me and poor little thing has had to see me cry and break down ! But animals are better than humans if you ask me !!! Xx
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Night @Hazel.1966 … speak soon lovely lady ! You are brave but however it happens @Hazel.1966 its flipping awful !!! Trust me on that one Xxx
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My daughter does help quite a bit, but she does have a full time job and her own little family plus she is having to deal with the death of her dad. The cats are a wonderful sounding board and seem to know when I am getting very upset. Gail xx
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Yes my middle daughter helps me a bit but she has a family too …its hard really cos i don’t think they really understand what its like for us ? The person who loved us most has gone … i have a puppy who is now 9 months old - she loves me a lot … but still cant help missing my husband … he was the best … he never met my puppy but think he would’ve loved her …
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Cats do know when you are upset. Ours always did.
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Yeh … they do understand … if im upset my lucy just goes quiet and sits nicely … bless her ! I feel awful sometimes but what can you do ? I need to cry for him , my bereavment counsellor said i havent to keep it in and if i want to cry i have to cry xxx
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Our cats used to come and sit on your lap and demand to be stroked.
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Aw … cute … yes my puppy comes up to me after i have finished crying … they’re funny arent they 
xx
It’s hard and there’s so many what if’s. My husband left for Belgium and never came back and 17 weeks later some days I still think he’s going to walk up the path. The pain is awful bug hugs
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