Hon,
On this date last year we said our final goodbye and followed your coffin to the crematorium. This was never in our life plan, at 49, we should have had many years to enjoy life together. Since you died it’s been hard, it’s been a challenge to stay on this earth.
But I know you are proud of me and all of us for getting through this. So much has happened this year, life still goes on. I miss you but I know you are with me and see all that I do. I’m looking forward to this year and I know you will continue the journey with me but in a different way.
It has been a hard journey and I have felt it everyday but one I had to do to get here, the last first.
I have an inner strength I never knew I had and that comes from being loved and supported by both our families and friends. I’m eternally grateful to you and them for getting me here.
Onwards and upwards honey!
Hi its been four years today since I lost my Mr everything, and I can honestly say nothing seems to have improved. There is never a time when he isnt on my mind. This hasn’t been helped as I am still waiting for answers from the nhs trust that failed him so badly.Their findings are now complete and i will receive them in the next two weeks.
I have asked for honesty and transparency from them, and I have had to involve the ombudsman as they have been so dishonest and obstructive. It has taken so long because they failed to anwer my questions in a timely manner .I dont feel as if I have been able to grieve as I have been fighting , not for financial gain , we both wouldn’t want that, just honesty and better treatment for anyone else on the same journey.
I am glad you sound positive, I truly believe we are reunited, it is the one thing that keeps me sane.I hope today goes as well as it can for you , take care
Hi @Ali29
Sadly the currency of love is heartache, but the silver lining is it does make you stronger. Our loved ones I’m sure are with us in spirit, sending hugs of support.
The last first for me too. Shared some happy memories with family but didn’t want to dwell on it. I prefer to remember his birthday wedding anniversary not the day he left this earth. Strange that seeing more family yesterday left me in tears but not on the day. Some days I smile at the memories and other days the same memories make me cry. No matter what day it is I will always miss him. Grief is tough.
Hi @Ali29
I’ve just gone through the second anniversary of my husband passing and wanted to let you know that I recognise many of the things you’ve noticed in the last year…a strength that I also didn’t know I had and a feeling of my husband willing me on and gently pushing me forward into a new chapter of my life. Some moments of days still feel heavy with sadness but I try to embrace these feelings as much as the happiness as this is all part of my grief journey. Sending warm wishes to you
@Bryher thank you. It was nice to have your message. Can I ask, what does your happiness look like now?
I know my journey is forever changed and I get the moments of unhappiness too but my waves are calm just now and I’m appreciating the change.
@Ali29 I think if I’m being honest my second year was challenging at times. It was the stark realisation that this is now my life. However, my life is also full of good times too. I have two amazing children who have helped me as much as I have helped them. We have had holidays together and made new memories. I have made some amazing new friends who have also lost their husbands and their wisdom & positivity about life has rubbed off on me…we’ve laughed and cried together and shared many glasses of wine 
I am embarking on a brand new chapter of moving house which is exciting and scary but I know my husband would be proud of me and I can hear him saying just keep going. I don’t know what the future holds for me but I so want to be happy and find joy again. I try my best to be brave but when the tears come I let them fall. Sometimes I just can’t believe that this has happened to me and my family but when I read the stories of everyone else on this forum it does give me a lot of comfort x
Oh my, I could have written this myself. I too have the house on the market, just need it to sell. I have also made great new friends, through this forum and outside this forum, who have been a godsend.
I also have lots to look forward to and the sun for me is too be happy, however that looks. The reality of year 2 is hard but just now, finding it a tad easier than last year. Keep going, sounds l like you’re doing an amazing job x
You too @Ali29 I’ve never felt more alone doing something as big as selling my house but like everything I’ve experienced in the last two years the anticipation is always worse than the thing you are most scared of or dreading. Something within me says it’s time to move and start a new life and meet new people, I’m keeping everything crossed that it works out for me and I wish you all the best in your move too x
Oh absolutely. Good luck x
I echo your thoughts. I want to be happy and enjoy life. I spent many years as his carer and in lots of ways grieved then for the life we had planned but couldn’t do. I too go out with friends taking up every invite and opportunity but there is still a loneliness despite being in company. Most of my friends are single but by choice never married or divorced and just see the freedom I now have when I would gladly go back to being his carer to have him present. I am usually positive but there are moments when it is too much and I let the tears fall but usually when I am alone. Just over a year on I feel in control and know that he wants me to enjoy life.
@Cooki it sounds like you’re doing so well. The loneliness will kick in at times, as it does for me, and those times feel so debilitating and cruel but I’m recognising these feelings are like waves that sometimes crash in but they then recede. I had an experience yesterday that surprised me. I was determined to mow our large lawn and started feeling positive, the sun shining. The lawnmower then broke down and so did I into floods of tears. It’s moments like that that I remember my husband being in the garden for hours, enjoying life. I think the tears had been brewing for a while. So anyway, like you I try and be as positive as I can but allow those more difficult times to wash over me. Building a new life is really hard but we’re doing it 
Well it is hard after 16 months. People tell me when they saw him when he was ill and I see the bits falling like a jigsaw. Wish I could redo some bits I have learnt from.
Our stubbornness is one. I miss so much. I never thought I wanted to move. But it is hard in reality.
But even harder the doing it. The stuff to sort gets overwhelming. Yet I ought to try. Some days I try. But don’t get far.