It’s just 6 weeks since my beautiful wife died suddenly and as the weeks go by the pain is becoming more intense. She was a fit, healthy and happy 75-year-old with no medical problems. She collapsed at lunchtime at home and died in hospital 8 hours later from a massive brain bleed.
Fortunately, in this time of lock down, I was able to spend the last five hours of her life by her side, but of course she wasn’t conscious at any time and passed peacefully.
We had a graveside funeral ceremony twelve days later with ten friends in attendance. My son who lives several hundred miles away was also able to attend. He then had to return home to his wife and young children (our gorgeous grandchildren).
I am also 75 and only retired two years ago. We had many plans for life after lock down which will now never happen. We were married for 56 years and together for 59 years. I have been reading other posts on this site where partners have died much younger and this must be even harder to bear. However, to me, my loss is the hardest thing to bear right now.
Hi Al2020,
I’m sorry to hear about your wife. My mum died 1 year ago this week. She was 74, lively, funny, did all my childcare, made us laugh and was the centre of our lives. She had a massive bleed on the brain, became unconscious immediately and died the following day. I am still in shock after a year. I thought she would go on till she was 90.
I still dont know why it happened. She was fairly fit and healthy although she had been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis 1 year earlier. J saw no signs or anything and mum was laughing and looking forward to our holiday on the day she died.
I didn’t know anything about strokes/brain bleeds until this affected my life but I’ve seen several recently on this site.
I think you just have to take things day by day.
Cheryl
I was married for 16 years and my loss is no greater than yours. When you lose the person you love most you realise forever still wouldn’t have been long enough. The unfulfilled plans are painful and upsetting, we all find our own ways to come to terms with these eventually. Until then live in the now tommorow can wait.
Hi Cheryl, I am very sorry about your Mum. I also thought my wife would live till she was 90 and that I would go first. At least she is spared the trauma that I am going through right now, but at the moment that is small consolation.
Day by day is has to be.
Al
Hi Barbara, thank you for your kind words. I naively thought it would be forever because facing reality is too awful.
Al
Me too AL I have learned ways to cope but it is the hardest thing I have ever done. Some days are better than others. You will find your own ways of getting through the day. Losing someone is like joining a club you never wanted to be in, but you will find understanding and support when you need it in others who are grieving too.
Hi Barbara, I just wanted to emphasise how much I appreciate you replying to my post. I’m new to this site and have only just read your original post. It humbles me that you would take the time to find kind words for me when you need them more than I do. There’s not much more I can say to you that hasn’t already been expressed by others on your own post. If you can cope with your sadness then surely I must also try to cope. Take care.
AL
Hi Cheryl, I am new to this site (see my reply to Barbara2) and have just read some of your other posts. I was also keen to know why my wife would suddenly have a massive brain bleed when she was otherwise very healthy. However, I am non the wiser and have concluded that even if I knew the reason it would not bring her back. She was on the phone to a friend when it happened. Her age and the circumstances are so similar to your Mum. Thank you for replying to me about your Mum. Take care.
AL
Hi al. Thankyou.
Yes, my mum had a post mortem which showed heart disease she didnt know she had but no idea as to why she had a sudden brain bleed. My mum was actually at hospital for the day having a small operation. I was on my way to collect her and take her home when the hospital called to say she had said she felt funny down one side, fell asleep and couldnt be woken. They took her straight for a scan which revealed a brain bleed. By the time I got there I was told nothing could be done.
What I can say is that mum was able to get immediate care as she was already in a hospital and still they couldnt save her. There are no questions over whether mum could have been saved if we had got her to hospital. If you have one of these bleeds there is nothing that can be done.
It’s so very hard without her. I dont think I will ever get used to her being gone and it’s a year on sunday x
It has not been a good day. This would have been our 56th anniversary. Did I celebrate? No, I spent it ordering a headstone for her grave. We never anticipated this would be our anniversary present. I did provide some fresh flowers, but this day could never have been imagined eight weeks ago. My next special day is her birthday at the end of August. I know it will not be a good day. I have to believe this grief will ease sometime.
In which way do you view your pint, half full or empty.
Me to thirsty drink it.
What am I saying, Helen passed last Friday morning, 4 of us managed to get to be with her. But we had lost her in our lives from January due to her contracting covid whilst in hospital.
The light is currently not visible, why, because the need to find a refocused direction. I am sure that in spirit, in sub conscious, later in the inner satisfaction of a job well done, you will find a way.
My wife and family will have a final outing on the 9th, for once our attention will be with her. At which point in grieving I will be heartbroken. And in need of the comfort guidance compassion, from all on the bereavement community.
Hand on heart my best to you