Hi, im moomins
Im new to the group and rarely speak out about anything affecting me but recently i lost my mum. I hope you dont mind me sharing my story on here. Ive found the sue R grief texts really helpful so i thought id reach out on this page. Im really struggling with my feelings of one minute being overwhelmed and the next feel nothing. Its been a long journey of 4 years slowly watching mum deteriorate and losing a piece of her each day. Mum was diagnosed with Terminal breast cancer at the start of covid lockdown. Taking mum to appointments wearing masks and being so afraid of protecting against catching covid was one thing whilst going through chemo/radiotherapy but when dementia set in we went to a whole new level of worry. Then came the falls, involving several trips to a&e and the number of hours/days in a corridor followed by more apts to support with injuries of broken hip, wrist, fractured eye socket. We hit crisis point as a family on year 3 and mum was placed in nursing home. A lovely home…but not home. The switch moved from caregiver to visiting nearly every day whilst working full-time including a few more trips to a&e. Mum was so strong, family were told to expect the worse on 3 occasions but she continued to bounce back. When the home phoned me more recently although i should of been prepared based on the last few times, i wasn’t. I was with mum at the end and just can’t seem to get over the shock of that day. I know mums at peace now and not suffering anymore. Arranging the funeral has kept my mind busy and focused, plus family and friends are being really supportive but i feel i need some time alone to try and process and think. People keep texting to say ‘how are you?’ …how do you even answer that question other than to say up and down? I dont know what else to say. I cant face going back to work yet, or going through mums things which is the next step, is it better to deal with a loved ones belongings straight away or wait…or is waiting just prolonging the heartbreak?
I am so sorry about your Mum lots of things you have written resonates with me. I lost my lovely Mum nearly 8 weeks ago. I thought I was preparing for her death but hers was very sudden even though she had cancer. It’s such a shock I totally get that. After the funeral I just wanted to be on own just have my own thoughts. People mean well but until they have been through it it’s hard for them. I took 6 weeks off and have just gone back but I am on holidays soon so it’s not that bad. Take as much as you need. We have started with my Mums stuff just very slowly - I actually like being around her stuff as it reminds me of her but I suppose everyone is different. I am not sure I much help but I am here and I understand what you are going through xx
Sorry for this and how difficult it must have been fir you. I gey a bit cross when people ask how you are, I know they mean it nicely but you can’t keeping saying ‘not great’ can youu. Plus it does fluctuate daily. Being with so eine is a great shock, and hits you more later I think. It seems unbelievable, generally. Sending you best wishes. X
Thank you so much Lugo for your message it means alot, Ive lost people through my life but ive never lost anyone so close to me before as my mum, i thought i understood grief but turns out i knew nothing at all. It helps that there are people in similar situations that actually understand although its heartbreaking to know the reason why too 
so sorry about your mum, i get it about being close to her things x
Thank you magsclar, whenever my mum was asked how she was her answer was always ‘Im fine’. Im finding today this is my response with a hidden meaning underneath knowing myself that im not ok, but also knowing theres nothing they can do about it either way. Im reading from other posts that grief hasn’t taken hold until 2 years or more down the line which worries me alot, is that because people perhaps have resorted to the standard Im fine answer when actually they’re not x
Yes aim a bit worried about the winter months and getting more depressed as I always feel a bit bad then anyway. I’m scared of feeling worse. Hoping to concentrate on making a photo album of old photos from my mum’s childhood and younger lufe and getting out to keep in touch with people x
Thats a really good idea creating a photo book, its then something to reach for when you’re feeling low to help focus on the treasured times x I might do the same too x
Yes, I’ve been really enjoying it. We have some photos going back to when she was a child and the wider family. I’ve got the sort of album which is thick black paper, spiral bound, and you mount the photos with little photo mounts. It’s better for the photos than plastic apparently and means you can write on the album with a lovely gold or silver pen to say what the photos are. I wish I’d done it years ago and it’s quite therapeutic too x
So sorry for your loss and the difficult last few years 
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Welcome to the community, we are all at different stages of our grief journeys and it’s important to remember everyone manages grief differently especially when it’s a parent.
Some time alone to process your thoughts is good, maybe a walk in a favourite park whilst you do this?
Your friends asking how are you, you will find some genuinely want to know how you are and be honest with them, tell them you are having a bad day, didn’t sleep etc.
Regarding work and sorting your Mum’s belongings your mind will tell you when you are ready to do both.
I found doing an hour on my Dad’s estate a day (usually in the morning) then parking it for the rest of the day worked for me so I didn’t become overwhelmed!
Take care and keep posting.