The death of a spouse or partner is different than other losses, in the sense that it literally changes every single thing in your world going forward. When your spouse dies, the way you eat changes. The way you watch TV changes. Your friend circle changes (or disappears entirely). Your family dynamic/life changes (or disappears entirely). Your financial status changes. Your job situation changes. It affects your self-worth. Your self-esteem. Your confidence. Your rhythms. The way you breathe. Your mentality. Your brain function. (Ever heard the term ‘widow brain’? If you don’t know what that is, count yourself as very lucky.) Your physical body. Your hobbies and interests. Your sense of security. Your sense of humour. Your sense of womanhood or manhood. EVERY SINGLE THING CHANGES. You are handed a new life that you never asked for and that you don’t particularly want. It is the hardest, most gut-wrenching, horrific, life-altering of things to live with.
Hi @Alone1
I couldnt agree with you more
You’ve completely hit the nail on the head.
Every single thing you said resonates with me.
Thankyou for putting into words the awful truth we are all feeling
The part about hobbies is particularly true for me, I have been an avid greetings card maker for a lot of years. Now my husband has gone I have no interest in it whatsoever, and I don’t think I ever will again.
Big hugs to you
Liz
Well bloody said ! I just wish people understood 
xx
This is so true. I am struggling to make my family understand how life changing loosing my husband has been for me.
You will be ! They just dont get it and im so tired of trying to explain it to some of em - i don’t think they will ever understand until it happens to them ! I think some people dont want to understand ! Unfortunately some people think it will never happen to them - but they are wrong cos it will x
Hi Deb5 i know how you feel, i agree you dont really understand until its you. My husband passed 30 March after an 8 month battle with cancer, it was heartbreaking seeing him frightened and slowly dying and there was nothing i could do.
I know … its so utterly heartbreaking and you feel so powerless ! But we are widow warriors … and youre really early days and its so hard those early days X
Thank you yes early days. xx
I thought I had experienced grief before I suddenly lost my husband 6 weeks ago, I had already lost my Father so I thought I knew what grief was, I realised I didn’t , not like this, Grief is the price you pay for love, and I loved my husband more than anything, so I guess my price is real high.
I know exactly what you mean. I thought id been through the worst thing I could ever go through when I lost my Mum.
But losing my husband is on a completely different level.
My whole world has come crashing down, the love of my life has gone
I am 56, and the thought of the rest of my life without my husband terrifies me, I thought we would retire and grow old together, he was 65 and was going to retire next year, he never got there.
Hi agree with everything you have said. I find that inner strength to go on and make a new life for myself but it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Old friends gone and i have to reach out to make new friends.
The friends in my life now really care about me and know what I am going through. Old friends that have gone found it hard to deal with the grief and my emotions.
All we can do is go forward and try to live a life with the beautiful memories of our loved ones.
Take care x
Yes I am struggling for my family to understand I am in Devon and they are 265 miles away in Liverpool, they saw my husband often just March this year, then 3 weeks later he is suddenly gone, I dont think they get how life changing this is for me, I am 56 so I probably have another third of my life to live, but without my husband x
@Alone1 …when people ask ‘how are you?’, that’s exactly what I want to say…
But most wouldn’t understand unless they’ve been there.
Many don’t want to hear because it’s a terrifying thought.
And it sounds so melodramatic, but it’s the absolute truth; every second of every day will not hold the dreams you once had…
Oh @Jane15
You are so young. I am cosiderably older. But the gut wrenching pain and overwhelming sense of loss are the same.
But I do feel for you at your age.
I won’t tell you you are still young, or to carry on, or you’ll meet someone new. Because all you want is your life back. But those are the things you are going to hear from people who don’t understand.
Pleas be sure that everyone here understands what you are going through ad are all here to listen and to share.
Sending you big hugs
Everything said is the way we all feel i keep thinking we could of done this today or let’s just sit in the summerhouse play music and talk haven’t been able to sit in the summerhouse or listen to music the only tv i watch is sad films on netflix everywhere reminds me of him but it helps to talk about it if only by texted msg on this site were all here for each other
Devonguy that says it perfectly, if you don,t mind i would like to copy it print it and show it to anyone relevant in my support.
penny6
This was written by Devonguy, it was sent to me by a friend. I’m sure he would have no objection in you sharing this with your support group as he posted it for all to see.
Joan x
I csnt see that on my screen by devonguy x
Deb5. I’m not sure where my friend got it from, but I will ask.
I’ve had a few of his beautiful posts sent to me.
x