I will never forget going to see Ben. I’m glad did but I regret not seeing him when he was found, and the only reason I didn’t was because the police and his friend who found him said don’t do it.
I wailed or screamed or something, but it was the realisation / shock that it was actually him, not what he looked like. The undertakers apologised the next day and I tried to explain it was because it was my son but they didn’t get it.
Like you, after a while I calmed down, and then I asked my husband and son in law to leave so I could speak to Ben on my own.
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I think your experience was very similar to mine - it is the terrible certainty that your son is in the casket, inescapable. Something that as a mother is so devastating. But I am glad I saw him.
Looking at this thread we all feel a lot of the same things - like we didn’t protect our child, that we don’t know how to carry on, I certainly wish I could give my life for Jake, who had so much more life ahead of him. All normal apparently. Doesn’t make it any easier and we all have to live this with no hope for easier times. How can we get over this?
To be honest I don’t think we do get over it, I think we have to learn to accept it and eventually to live with it.
It is an instinct to protect our children and sometimes we can’t.
Ben has an 8 yr old son, whom we’re all trying to help, he’s coping remarkably well, his mum and Ben weren’t together but we get along alright.
He gives me a reason to keep going and to keep Ben’s memory alive.
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Agree, I will never ever get over this. A loss like this is so sad for everyone, our Jake was so loved and we loved hearing about his life and sharing his triumphs - I cannot believe this is the end.
I love that your Ben has a son, that must be something good, even in the midst of sadness. But terrible for the little boy whose daddy is gone. The complicated feelings must be so hard to process and cope with.
Thank you for the supportive messages - and to everyone for sharing your story on here. It helps to know we are none of us alone, and our feelings are valid.
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