My brave darling husband of 28 years John died on 29th August after a 2 1/2 year battle with a grade 4 glioblastoma (brain tumour) diagnosed the day after his 50th birthday with no symptoms prior to diagnosis. We knew it was terminal but we had so much hope and trust and he survived 20 months after surgery chemo and radiotherapy before the tumour returned December 2018 John had further surgery and treatment but treatment stopped at the end of , may and so started his decline. After a spell in hospital we managed to arrange palliative care at home and got John home on the 27th of August but He passed away with all his family 2 days later.
It was so fast at theme for which I am grateful that John was no longer suffering but I am now struggling with that as I just wanted more time at the end, time to say what I wanted to say. I k ow we had plenty of time during johns illness but the last few weeks we were all just in shock and on auto pilot I guess.
John was a devoted dad and grandad with such a lust for life right to the end , I, we all just miss him so much.
Michelle
Hi Michelle, I know how you are feeling everyone on here is the same, we didn’t have enough time with our Darling husbands and the thought of a future without him is beyond comprehension. So cruel having to watch your brave husband’s daily suffering in the knowledge that you would be without him one day. My husband had a heart attack totally unexpected and though they tried to bring him back it was not to be 
only been 7 weeks for me and although I am lucky to have such supportive family and friends it’s just not the same. John was yours, your own special person I hope you can take comfort in the fact that you were lucky enough to have found such a love when so many are not as fortunate as we were.
Sending you positive thoughts
V xx
Hi Mrs Colt,
Thank you for you kind words and I am so sorry for your loss and hearing of how sudden it was has given me some comfort knowing we had time with John. I wish I could give some back to you. You must have so many unanswered questions and “if only s” We all do even with all the time we had I guess it would never be enough. Just one more day hour, minute. I found Christmas especially hard, the shopping the decorations excited faces, the music in the shops. Everywhere I looked I saw John there will many “firsts” as we call them and none will be easy.
One day at a time xxx
I agree about Christmas being hard, everyone just expected to be happy & festive when in reality you are so broken inside. I lost my Mum 3 weeks before Colin (I never do things by half) so seeing the shops full of Mum & Husband cards that I will never buy again was heart breaking. New year was worse for me though as we always brought the bells in with friends but this year I wanted to stay in on my own. Its always a reflective time of year anyway but the thought of starting a new year without Colin fills me with dread & apprehension. As you say its going to be a year of ‘firsts’ for us, how we will cope I don’t know but we have managed this long so I am sure we will get through it. I don’t know about you but some days I can cope ok then others I just cry non stop & rage at the unfairness of it all. This community has been so helpful for me knowing that on a ‘bad’ day I can chat to someone in the same position, with the same feelings & emotions that I have & get some solace from that.
Keep your chin up
V xx
Hi Michelle
Sorry to hear about your loss of a wonderful hubby. I lost my wonderful hubby in Jan this year aged 58 and I am 56. I just do not know how we will get through this life without them, do you?
Paul died in bed next to me within the hour of going to bed with no illness or symptoms. The missing of them is unreal and I know how you feel and all still they had to offer in this life and enjoy it too.
Tracey x