Hello, all. In August 2024, my husband of almost 50 years passed away. He was in and out of the hospital for the last few months of his life. He had some health challenges prior to this but always rallied. It was fortunate for me and our two children that he was able to come home with hospice care and pass away surrounded by his loved ones. I still find life quite bleak. He’s on my mind every day and I miss him so much. I have anxiety and depression and take medication for it. I miss the simple things we did together (watching favorite programs on TV, laughing and joking with one another). I know I will never get over the loss. I have insomnia every night. I do go to the doctor regularly. It seems to me that those who have not lost a spouse, just don’t “get it.” I find some people seem as if they don’t want to bring up his name. I don’t know if they think mentioning him will make me sad or they just feel uncomfortable. I’m glad I’ve been able to vent a little bit. Thanks for listening. If my spelling or language seems a little off, it’s because I’m an American. I have not found an on-line group such as this in the U.S.
Hi Bern I understand how you feel. My husband died last November. We had been together since High School. Sadly he died a few weeks before our 50th wedding anniversary. It is the simple things that can be missed the most. We used to watch tv together and chat. Sometimes I can’t bear to watch any series that we would have shared together. And I think you’re absolutely right in that although friends and family try to be supportive, no one can “get it” if it hasn’t happened to them. Today I was having a reasonably good morning until I drove past a cafe we often used to go to. There was a chap sitting outside who had my husband’s look- same choice of clothes, roughly same build, sitting having his coffee. A powerful memory came over me and I really had to concentrate to keep driving. Little things can take you by surprise. It’s Father’s Day in the UK this Sunday and it would have been my husband’s birthday a couple of days after. All of these “firsts” are so hard. My daughter and I are going away for a few days. We’ll be thinking of him of course but making new memories too. Take care. I’m sure we’ll all get there in the end xx
Hi Bern, I am sorry to hear you suffering. When my wife died, the pain and suffering I felt shocked me. I had thought I was prepared in some way because she had been given five months to live when they found she had stage four bile duct cancer. She managed to live for two years.During that time I would often cry when I was walking the dogs or while she was undergoing treatments. so when she died I wasn’t expecting to be so devastated. The pain was unbearable like it was like being ripped in two. We had been together for forty years and it seemed far too short.
It doesn’t surprise me that people don’t understand because I wouldn’t have understood before this happened to me.
I think that is why this site is such a blessing because everyone on here has an understanding of what we have gone through and they are all trying to support eachother. There are some lovely Americans on this site too who I am sure you will chat to soon. I hope you find some solace here.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
Hello Bern108, so sorry for the loss of your husband, I lost my precious husband in March…and its very sad trying to cope without him, he was everything to me. My best friend and soul mate , I miss our days and nights together, our hand holding and our conversations, just going out for donuts and coffee and watching a movie together, no one can replace that, i always just wanted to be with him. Now im lost and lonely. This site helps me express my feelings. People here understand because they’re going through the same emotions. I hope it helps you as well to keep in touch. Im also American, i live in California, take care and God bless you 
Please come on here when you feel the need there will always be someone here to listen and support you. We ALL know what you are going through sadly.
My hubby passed last March and I now have what I call roller coaster days. Sometimes I think wow I haven’t broken down in a heap weeping today which is a big bonus but then wham the flood gates open but I have learnt to let them as crying is meant to be a good realise they say.
When I first came across this community I didn’t realise how the way I was feeling was “normal” with grief as until you lose your soulmate you don’t really understand it but now I realise sadly there are so many of us going through the same emotions every day no matter where we live.
I send you a virtual and like I say please come on here for support whenever you need too
Xx
Hi Heartbroken I seem to be crying more than I thought I would almost 7 months on. I read somewhere that a six month slump is “normal” I do let myself cry but it’s more than awkward when a tiny thing makes you think you’re going to burst into tears in public! I was shopping with my daughter at the weekend. She was in the fitting room and I was waiting outside. We were in a unisex shop. I was looking around and all of a sudden felt tears welling up because it was a shop where my husband had bought clothes in the past. I could see lots of clothes that he would’ve loved to buy for the summer. Luckily she came out and I managed not to break down. I’m not a pretty sight when crying! This grief stuff is so hard to predict. As you say it’s good to share these thoughts xxxx
Hi, and sorry for your loss. My partner died suddenly eight months ago, we’d been together for forty years. I talk about him all the time but it does make some people uncomfortable. used to be a strong person but now suffer from anxiety. I find that the memories are everywhere and like you I see clothes in the shops that I know my partner would have liked. Friends and family don’t understand and I’m getting the impression that some think I should be getting over it by now. It’s actually causing animosity.
It’s a very difficult path we are all on and I really don’t know how to negotiate it. I feel I’m still on the one day at a time stage. I wish I could be more helpful but everyone’s grief is different, and we have no choice but to plod on. Take care.
Hi Norma I don’t think there’s one answer is there? We all are different. I have a friend who I think is losing a bit of patience with me! She asks “what’s wrong?” sometimes when I think it should be perfectly obvious….. I’m also sadly getting tired of people asking how I am when I think they really don’t want to hear anything except that I’m fine (which I’m not) people try to be kind but I find my tolerance level has drastically dropped since I lost my husband. I guess it’s because nothing seems as relevant as that. X
Bern, you just vent … no I don’t think that people who’ve not gone through this ‘get it’. A bit like childbirth, you know what’s going to happen but have no idea how you will respond. Just take one day at a time, if you feel like shutting down and having quiet time do so … do whatever you feel makes things calmer … you don’t have to be surrounded by people, sometimes that’s even lonelier … you are in a new phase of your life now
Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. You understand. By the way, I live in the Chicago area. 
Hello Bern, thank you for your reply, nice to hear from you. My husband has a cousin who lives in Chicago. Never got a chance to visit. Take care and God bless you