The loss of my mum

My mum passed in November. I was her carer as well as daughter as she had dementia. I am finding it hard some days good some days so sad. Just been clearing out her flat for sale this weekend and it brings it all back. My sister who was not her carer said she doesn’t dream of her anymore and it feels a long time ago now.
But its still raw to me i miss her soo much just finding life hard. Is this normal? Thank you xx


@Cadburys52 sorry about your mum. My mum died 6 days ago. So I’m still in a shock. But I remember when my dad died 24 years ago, it took me 2 years to get better. Its been 3 months for you. Its perfectly normal to feel like this. We are all different. Just listen to your body, don’t feel pressured that you must or mustn’t do something. Its ok not to be ok. We are all here for you. I’m having really bad day today. I haven’t even got out of bed yet… Sending you hugs. xxx

1 Like

Ola 13
Im so sorry about your mum xx Big hugs to you :heart: thank you for taking the time to reply to me when you are going through so much yourself.
It took you two years with your dad, did you go to the doctors? Im seeing a councillor but not sure if helping. Not sure if need to go doctors as feeling stressed with work also. You look after yourself too,have you got support?xx


@Cadburys52 I’m taking time off from work. My therapist advised me this. And I feel this is right for me, I work for NHS, can’t imagine doing my job right now. So I’m going to take it easy and as long as I need to. When my dad died I was 22 and studying so I just carried ok. Perhsps that is why it took so long. I didn’t go to doctors then which might have been a mistake. So just listen to yourself and if you feel like taking time off, do it. See your gp, they will understand. You will know when you are ready. Hugs xxxx

I’m sorry to hear about your mum. It’s totally normal to still feel raw and in pain. Everyone grieves differently and it will be very different for your sister as she wasn’t your mum’s carer. She can go back to her life, but for you all routines have changed. I lost my dad a few months ago and it hurts every day. Sending hugs. :heart:


Am really sorry for your loss I lost my mum on the 17 of Jan and am really struggling with it all I just can’t see how this will ever feel normal :pensive:


Im so sorry for your loss.
I lost my mum on 18th January and i am really struggling to come to terms with it. Mum had a massive stroke 12 years ago and my husband an i did everything for her apart from her personal care. I just cant see my life without my mum, we built the last 12 years round her and now we have nothing . My heart had been broken into a million pieces my life will never be the same.


Thank you Ulma im sorry to hear about your dad. I hope you are ok?
I have been dealing with her property and possessions this weekend so i think its like im loosing her again, even though its just furniture im giving away . She sat in the chair etc

1 Like

Everton24 So sorry about what you are going through. I feel exactly the same,like my heart is broken. And so confused, disbelief, and sad.

Thank you Channey 81 its very raw for you im so sorry about your mum.Its so hard and life is never the is cruel. We have to try and think of the good memories xxx Take care of yourself

Thankyou, i totally know what you are saying our whole routine has gone, while everyone’s gone back to their normal life which i understand but our lives are left in total chaos. I know people are trying to be kind but things they are saying is not what i want to hear. I just want my mum back for me to see and hug and its killing me. I seen my mum every day 4 /5 times a day for 12 years and now i cant see her is like telling me i cant breathe.


Yes exactly it is the hardest thing to go though. Not sure how i will ever be the same again.

Hi cadbury52
Do you find when people are telling you they are at peace and out of pain helps? Im a christian but i find this just doesn’t help. I want the physical side of my mum not pictures or ashes or clothing, this just is not helpful at this moment, i find myself crying all the time, i physically and mentally can’t cope without my mum.

1 Like

Yes im the same its so difficult to believe that she is gone. Its causing me pain mentally so difficult to get my head round.

Sorry that you are going through it too xxx

So sorry for your loss. I am over a year in and still struggling without my mum. She was always there for me and my son and whilst I have supportive family and friends since she passed it’s not her. November is early and you will still be processing it take all the time you need.

Valda thank you xx I hope you are ok .Thank you for your support. Its affecting my memory as well my brain isnt working properly.
Sorry to hear its a struggle for you. Has anything helped you ?

@Cadburys52 It’s an emotion that I am going to have to live with as it just hits you out of nowhere sometimes but I listen to music she liked and feed the birds she loved that. Last week cushion covers set me off which sounds crazy I was looking online a range came up that was her name it’s not a common one. My son cheers me up they were close he will say something she would use. My cousins lost my aunt a few months before my mum they relate and tell me it’s normal so don’t put any pressure our mums are a huge loss and especially as you cared for yours to not suddenly have them there its hard., :two_hearts:

Thanks. I’m barely hanging on, to be honest, taking it moment by moment. I’ve only had to deal with getting rid of a few things, but yes, every item is associated with so many memories that it’s hard. We can only try to be kind to ourselves. :heart:

1 Like

Bless you i can associate with barely hanging on xx Do you work? X

1 Like

No. It would be good to have that kind of structure and I will have to find a new job at some point, but I haven’t had the strength for it.