The Loss of my Nan

I lost my nan 3 months ago to lung cancer and vascular dementia. It was the worst moment of my life having to see my Nan laying motionless in a bed, her fingers turning purple and getting cold, I willed her to open her eyes one more time but she didn’t. Despite spending 2 years of my life caring for her alongside my mum through her illnesses, the permanency of her loss is a heavy burden to bear. I feel as if I lost my nan a long time ago, but at least I could still look into her eyes, hold her hand and see her smile, be it occasional. Now a woman who was once so vivid in my life is just a memory, a picture in a photobook. Grief is not a crescendo of emotion which soon falters, it’s a rollercoaster, a day can begin good and just the sight of an object or a place which reminds you of them can send you into the darkest of places. Grief is not fair, but it is inevitably something we will all go through unfortunately. Being young and loosing someone so close to me has been difficult, I have spend the last few months feeling misunderstood, as if I am allowed to be upset for a week, but must now move on as life continues to bustle on. I have many bad days and it gets to the point that I have to justify my grief, when I know I shouldn’t have to. I’m trying so hard to heal and move on. But I can’t, it still feels just as raw as the day she died, I still can’t forget the image of her in that bed, all life gone. Hopefully by sharing my story, I can find others like me, or make others feel more understood in their grief. Thanks for reading Xxxx

Hello rhii_annon

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling . I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your nan. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,