Im not sure i can do this but ill have a go ,i lost my husband 14 years ago and my son has always been there for me looking after his mum …He was married and separated and on January 9th this year at 41 years old he took his own life .i am 65 years old and feel so lost and heartbroken. I had a knee replacement operation last Saturday and miss his love and support so much .i haven’t even started to grieve yet ,im so scared to start, even writing this is hard because everyone keeps telling me how strong i am and I’ll be fine …im not strong last Saturday before my operation i didn’t see the point and still dont …i am lost alone and heartbroken 
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Dear Dixey
I am so very sorry for your loss. Both your husband and son going on ahead of you.
You are not alone on this site. None of us want to be here but we are and we stand with you.
I lost my son Henry in October 2019, he was 30. It was accidental - a mix of prescribed and recreational drugs.
Ten weeks after his death my nephew took his own life. He was married with two young daughters.
Just take each hour at a time, the tears will come in their own time.
Keep posting and know people are here for you.
Much love
Purple
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Thank you 
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Hello Dixey, you came to the right place. I too lost my son and as yet I don’t know the date he died. I’m 80 and fractured my knee a couple of weeks ago so we have something in common. I’m not very good at finding the right thing to say but others on here are. Just connecting with another person seems to help a lot.
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I know how you feel. I lost my 35 year old son to suicide a year ago. I still can’t believe it. I don’t understand. He was so loved, smart, handsome & had money in the bank. I am still feeling guilty that I didn’t do more. He was always happy and a kidder. He did not do street drugs, but was obsessed with body building. He started a new job working straight nights, suffering insomnia & anxiety after being locked up for 2 years for covid. I beg him to take time off from his work. I offered for him to stay with his dad & I and I would take him to work so he wouldn’t have to drive. I even offered to drive him around so he could possibly fall asleep in the car. He was stubborn and so proud. He was my best friend. I cry every day & ask him why? why? He had so many friends and ex girlfriends that he remained friends throughout his short life. I am glad I am old now, as hopefully I will be with him soon. I pray to God that I will see him again. My beautiful baby boy.
My heart goes out to you. My best friend lost a son to suicide and she struggled for a long time. She was the first person to reach out to me when we heard about Stuart. I still can’t believe I will never see or hear him again.
I’m 80 and I don’t think it will be long before I join him. xxx
Sorry to hear about both of your loss it is a very difficult journey. I lost my 21 year son, 10 weeks ago it has been a rollercoaster journey especially had his 22 birthday in March and now the Easter without him it has been a very challenging journey as am dealing with several health conditions which makes it harder for me to function. This life can be so unfair lets hope time will improve the pain for all of us here as its can sometimes be very difficult to find support for parents who loss children.
Life life
Hi Dixey, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. Obviously this isn’t a place any of us want to be but last year when I lost a stepson and a son within 5 weeks of each other I thought I was never going to function properly again. We have just passed the first milestone of my stepsons death which was hard especially for my husband, but I am dreading my owns sons which is in 18 days. I do feel I am not the same person anymore but what I have found is that I have become much stronger as an individual. That doesn’t take away the fact that I just burst into tears regularly for the futility of it all. Oh how I wish there was a way to turn back time I would change so many things.
Missing his support whilst you are also battling a health issue will add to your pain I know, but as you have mentioned your friends say you are strong but they don’t know how you are feeling inside. It’s easy for us grief stricken individuals to put on a mask so we don’t break down but what I would suggest is, if it’s coming love, let it all out. Being on here is a huge move for you and everyone has a way of supporting you so please be kind to yourself and reach out whenever you like , as I for one will always be there to help you through the darker moments. Big hugs xxxxx
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Thank you for sharing experience