The loss of my wife in April 2023 by

The comment on here by someone else got me thinking. Yes I open the front door to come in and my darling wife is not waiting for me. But it’s not just at that moment it’s every second of every minute of everyday. It feels like when I lost her so traumatically I also lost a great part of myself. We had a wonderful 56 years of lots of music, which is how we met and then sang together in clubs up until our first child arrived. It’s very difficult to explain to others how you actually feel so you usually answer the question “how are you doing” with “not to bad, taking it day by day”. Which is far from the truth , but how can I tell others that I shed a tear just about every day. As my wife enjoyed painting the house is full of her paintings and now the photos I’ve added so I’m always facing the one I miss so terribly. I won’t allow myself to go into depression by walking the dog, taking up archery and still fishing. But the hardest thing which I haven’t been able to do yet is take her clothes to the charity shops.

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I cannot sort through my husbands clothes ,i feel connected to him ,you do whatever when you are ready. I miss my husband every day .I have found grief very lonely.,but you will get through your loss , it takes a long time

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Sorry for your loss mate,I lost Joan 18 months ago after 45 years,after things settled down the feeling I get is one of being left behind,we were on a journey of life together that should have lasted longer but she had to leave me on my own,during my angry times I sent her clothes to charity and let her sisters pick what they wanted.
The whole house is one big memorial to her,every job I ever did in it I did for her,every thing we ever bought was for her and it’s all still here, the house is no longer a place of peace and comfort, no longer a home just a building to exist in full of memories.

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This is awful! Im so sorry. I lost my fiancé and I’m just starting to learn how to do this. It has been helpful to see that I’m not alone but it’s horrible to see all of us that are grieving so much

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I cant sort my husbands stuff at all … cant do anything with them … if i try i just end in tears … i think its cos if there clothes are here its like they’re here. Not until im ready will i do anything with them… i dunno when that will be but its not hurting anyone is it x

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I hardly got involved with disposal of my wife’s clothes and stuff. I mentioned it to three of her girlfriends who said “we’ll do it this weekend, get some plastic bags!”. Other than carrying the filled bags downstairs, driving to the charity shops, making cups of coffee and sarnies, I did nothing. I just listened from a distance to the inane chatter they kept up.
I also told them if they wanted anything, just take it. I’ve no idea what they kept.
It was a major step forward on my recovery, and I then slept in that bedroom instead of the settee.

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What a lovely photograph of the two of you .
Looking at photographs of my darling husband keeps my memories of our life together present.

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I relate to so much of what you say…even down to playing as a duo in clubs and bars for 15 years…my Sandie was a painter…I still have her clothes after 15 months… everything :love_you_gesture:

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Im the same @UnityMan just cant move his stuff ;( its too sad … it makes me cry even when i touch his things … i will have to do it one day i know but its still hard to lose part of him :frowning: i dunno if he ever realised how deeply i loved him. He thought i would be ok but im not … its a struggle without him … everyday :frowning: i try to make friends but its not easy is it ? People arent easy … its a tough old world out there these days !! X

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Hi all, I am feeling the same. I still have all of my husband’s clothes and other stuff. I sometimes put my hands inside the pile of his clothes just to feel close to him. I struggle getting up I really have to force my self to get out of bed. I just think what’s the point? I have said before on here that I hope my life gets more bearable but after two years I’m finding it very difficult. Will be spending most of this weekend on my own. How life has changed. Take care everyone.x

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Thank you for liking our photo, it was taken on the only holiday my wife had in the 9 years of fighting her cancer. It was Spain and she never stopped talking about the hotel, it was stunning.

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This is a poem I found that answers how I feel every day.

If I could visit Heaven
Even for a day
Maybe for a moment
The pain would go away.
I’d put my arms around you
And whisper words so true
That living life without you
Is the hardest thing to do.
No matter how I spend my days
No matter what I do
No morning dawns or evening falls
When I don’t think of you.

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I used to run a very large Age Concern group with three day centres. I told them months ago that I would like them to have some of my wife’s clothes and they said they would love them. I started boxing them up but still haven’t taken them. They have been very patient and told me when I’m ready. It is very hard to deal with but the one thing my brother suggested was to keep a selection of what she liked best and put some of her perfume on them. Then I’ll always have something to remember her in moments of need.

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There’s no requirement for the clothes to go. Seems a bit early for those thoughts . As for the tears I’m with you there. Life just seems punctuated by tears. My thoughts are with you my friend.

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what a lovely person she is. when my father died, I could not even look at his clothes. I shielded my eyes from them and was not able to donate them until about a year or two later.

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Sorry for your loss. It’s still early days but you will eventually be able to part with her clothes. Keep walking your dog and doing what you are doing. Eventually you will be in a better place but it takes time, I know from experience.

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My problem is it’s not just her clothes. It’s her paints, her brushes, paintings, craft and other things especially her library and music for the piano. There is so much of it and it’s sort of guilty feeling when you think about moving it on. So I’m starting with a lot of my stuff in the garage which I no longer need or can use any more.

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Not touched my Sandies art stuff yet…it’s all still where she left it…and her instruments are on the wall so I can see them everyday…Processing: 1000010537.jpg…

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Wishing you all the best at this difficult time

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