The otherside of me

I found my lovely mum deceased in May. My inner voice told me something was wrong and we broke into to find her gone. That’s a very watered down version. I miss her with every part of my being. No one knew me like her. She adored me warts and all and I her, we had been our only allies in the hardest times. She was besotted with my daughter then 4. And was my everything. Life is so hard now without her. I have a wonderful husband but all day every day I crave for her, mentally I return to finding her dead at least 20 times a day. I’m sure I have PTSD, I regularly see a counsellor but nothing helps. I’m plagued at the thought that my daughter wont remember her when they were each others partner in crime. When things went wrong she was my go to and now this horrific thing has happened and the only person I want to tell about it is her but shes the one who caused it by dying. I dont cry so cant even release that way, I just want to scream at the injustice of it all then die but o fully understand this isnt an option. Please dont tell me it will get easier because that’s not true and this is hell.

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Dear, my heart goes with you, it would be awful, struggling with grief, especially without crying. I was very close to my father as you with your mother, like you said

Yes, I feel, that when we are grieving, we lost in addition our part of ourselves how the loved one looked us. And this is that they say we die with the loved ones. I am writing a crazy diary with “where are you?” etc., and after some sentences I feel a little, little bit better. I am here if you want to chat, I will thinking of you, please, write. Hugs.

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So sorry for your loss, my situation is very similar to yours, I found my aunt deceased in her home on my own & my world fell apart… we were very close, she never had children & was like a second mum to me & my sister doting on our children who also miss her ever so much. I think about her every day & her final hours up to her death. It will be 5 years in April which seems a long time but doesn’t feel anything like that to me. I can’t really talk about when I found her as I get too upset & don’t know if I should have had some kind of counselling so I would say I think you should get some. Take care xx


This is a big, big hug, just like your mother used to give you. You are still and always will be wrapped in her love.