Julie to Julie!
You were so brave getting through the funeral. Must have been awful for you and surreal. Paul’s isn’t until 19th March. Every day is like Groundhog Day isn’t it? Going through the motions of the day again. Like you I was looking to cut down work, planning what we were going to do post lockdown, holidays even got one booked…today is a week since he died and I feel sick inside. But I’ve had my shower put my ‘face’ on today and my daughter is doing my roots later. Keep expecting he will walk through the door crying now so that’s buggered up the makeup. Have you got family support?
Keep going
Julie
Hello all
My husband Andy funeral was December 18th
I feel worse still lying in bed cant be bothered
With anything at all
Andy was such a happy person he always had a smile for everyone
I see that smile as soon as I wake up and last thing before I go sleep
And if I am lucky I will dream about him
And god that’s hurts when I wake up
Please all take care xx
1 Like
Julie replying to Julie
You have 19 days to agonise over love you, I don’t feel anything has changed since Friday I’m still distraught I did not realise the pain would be physical and so intense that it would bring me to my knees. I have also had to cancel two holidays one being our honeymoon.
I also go through the motions of getting out of bed and dressing
, I do this really for the children well I say children they are aged 24 to 40 years but still my children. I could easy stay in bed sobbing shutting out the world.
Having your hair done is a positive move that’s all we can do small steps moving towards our new life we didn’t ask for,
Lots of hugs
Julie
Hi Julie
Just checking in to see how you are.
Julie
Hello Julie
I’ve had a sad day think it’s because it’s Friday and Tim and I loved our weekends.
I’m really scared to live without him I am literally broken.
How has your day been?
Hugs Julie 
Hi Julie
My daughter has just left and tonight will be my first night alone…could be watching tv well into the early hours. Yesterday we made all the funeral arrangements which was awful as you well know. Paperwork was sorted by the girls and next holidays to cancel etc. Is it really happening? Flowers still keep arriving and cards through the post. Everyone wants to help but no one can unless they can bring Paul back.
Hi Julie
I remember flowers and cards arriving I still can’t look at the cards they are in a pile behind the curtain. Flowers I normally love but couldn’t bear them.
I too had to cancel two planned holidays one being our honeymoon.
I’m 4.3 weeks into this hell and I’m still in so much pain inside and no I feel worse now the funeral has gone.
I watch the clock go hour by hour day is long but nights for me are the worse this is when we would be alone Tim cuddled me to sleep every night we were together.
Others further down the journey say we will learn to live with our grief I just hope that’s true because this is hell.
Virtual hugs,
Julie
I just joined this page .i Iost my husband of 50 years in May 2020. A fit and healthy man who would walk an average of 10 miles a day.He walked out to the ambulance and within 10 hours had passed. Cos of covid pandemic in hospital I wasn’t allowed to be with him. When I phonedth the hospital to see how he was at 7 am I was told he had passed at 5 30. Nobody had let me know. I still feel the shock and grief of that morning having to tell my children that their beloved dad had gone. I still feel the physical pain of losing him. I try to put on a brave face to everybody but the pain is so unreal. Am I giving everybody the wrong impression to say I am ok? Please help me I feel I can’t go on at the moment
Dear,
Dotty,
Just came across your post,so sorry for your loss. I would just get through each day,and talk to people if possible,4 years on from losing my mum,and 2 years on from losing my Dad and i am still not well,i honestly don’t think i will be the same person again. I feel too young at 38 years old to not have a Mum or a Dad anymore. I just get through each day. Thinking of you,Lucy,xxx
Morning Dotty
Nearly everyone on here feels the pain you are going through.
I physically hurt inside and can not bear to think I’ll never see my man again.
I am having counselling as like you his leaving me was sudden.
I have been told not to think to far ahead one day at a time and sometimes it’s hour by hour.
My GP told me my brain is trying to make sense of what has happened this is why we dream or have flashbacks.so encouraged me to talk through events with a trusted friend or relative.I find it hard to leave the house this is at present my safe place.
This journey of loneliness and pain is not what we asked for and is unbearable I tell our children how I’m feeling .
Virtual hugs
Julie
Hi Dotty I am so sorry for your loss. We all know now you are feeling. What a traumatic way to find out your husband had passed and I can’t imagine what it was like to tell your children. My husband passed 7 weeks ago and it was a second marriage for us both. We were so fortunate to have found each other but I had to ring his sister in England to tell her and she then told his children and the rest of his siblings but I was with him when it happened. It must have been horrendous for you to find out the way you did. I can’t believe the hospital didn’t contact you sooner. I don’t think the way you are feeling is wrong it’s still a very short time and you can’t expect yourself to get over a partnership of 50 years quickly so please be kind to yourself. If you can tell your children or a close friend you are still struggling. If you can’t do that please share on this forum. We are all going through the same thing and time has no bounds here. The pain is so hard to deal with every day so every one here understands that. My heart is with you
Thank you so much. I am so sorry for your loss . It does help to write down how you feel . I just cannot bear to upset people who were so close to him so I am showing a brave face and aching so much on the inside. The upkeep of our home worries me as he did everything. I don’t know whether to move to a smaller home but my children want me to stay in the house where we lived for 50 years. Thank you once again
Hi , there is no ‘cure’ for grief but thank goodness for this site where you can let it all out. This community has really helped me in the short time since I discovered it, my husband died over a year ago and I have been really struggling but being able to talk to others who are suffering the same loss is such a help. I wasn’t with my man at the end either and it’s horrible to think of, but someone on here said remember that he wouldn’t have known, and you couldn’t have stopped it. But I know you feel that you let him down, you didn’t. You loved each other and he wouldn’t want to see you suffering for something you had no control over.
Hello Dotty. I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel, having lost my husband last June. We had been together for 57 years and married for 54.
As for your predicament about whether or not to stay in your home, I feel that must be your decision, and yours alone. If you do decide to stay put, perhaps your children would decorate the house for you. If they are that keen for you to stay, maybe they would be glad to help you to do it.
If not, then if I were in your position, I would do what is best for me, and if that takes you away from the family home, then embrace your new life and remember all the happy times.
I wish you all the best.
Hugs, AnnR
Hi Dotty
I can understand your reluctance to share your pain with your children. Even after 7 weeks I can hear myself telling my two grown up daughters I’m doing ok when I am aching inside and just want to cry and scream out loud. I do it when I’m alone and then feel so lonely. It’s just like a vicious circle. Like you I don’t want to burden them with my ongoing grief. It’s understandable that we want to protect our children even when they are adults. Please share here and hopefully it will help you. Making a big decision about moving house is difficult at the best of times so is probably even more so for you now. They say you should wait at least two years before making a major change to your life after a bereavement. My husband and I only moved to our current house just 2 and a half years ago and had just finished doing it the way we wanted it when he passed. I didn’t get to put the curtains and lamp shades up before he died and I don’t know when I’ll do it. We moved to be closer to my eldest daughter and our grandchildren so that’s one blessing Thinking of you at this really hard time
Thank you for your support.