Dave, I too lost my husband suddenly on the 7th October. He was 43 and we had been together 22 years. He had a heart attack in his sleep while working away on a cruise ship, one week into a two week job. The suddenness is just too hard to contemplate isn’t it? No warning, no preparation, just pain and sadness. I don’t have any advice I’m afraid other than I agree with others, it helps to read others’ posts on here and know we are not alone. Stay strong .
4 Likes
@MrsO1 that must have been horrendous for you my love . I was in Benidorm when he passed at home . It’s such a big loss to us all . Bless you
1 Like
I’m so sorry Mrs01, that’s awful. The shock of losing someone so suddenly is horrendous. It will be five weeks on Monday and I still haven’t completely accepted that my wife won’t be coming back. I still have moments where I think she will be back soon but then the realisation kicks in that she won’t.
Being on here knowing I am not alone is getting me through the darkest time of my life. Everyone has been so kind and I am so grateful for all the support.
Look after yourself Mrs01. Sending you a hug.
2 Likes
That’s awful, there are so many “what ifs” that go through your mind aren’t there? And just sadness that you weren’t with them for their last days on this earth. I take comfort knowing he was happy when he passed, he loved his work and I’d spoken to him when he went to bed and we had a lovely chat, he was excited for the next day. And he passed peacefully in his sleep so no pain or suffering for him. Just so sad for my two children who now have to navigate their teenage years without their dad x
1 Like
I feel exactly the same x
1 Like
I lost my wife nearly 14 months ago , 51 years ago. I was the same as you, distraught, so bad I thought I would have to see a doctor.
Joining this forum and reading about others on here I realised others were going through the same. It helped.
Now I know everyone is different
2 Likes
Oops sorry I’ll finish
14 months on the sense of loss is still with me, still can be teary but less now, I am coping better but still think of her every day.
My friend is going through the same , feeling lost, but I can say to him time does help. Though I realise everyone is not the same.
I would say get among people, a choir, a golf club, a gym friends and family are very important.
I hope this helps.
My first post should read #51 years together
1 Like
I’m so sorry about your wife, blueazzuri. It’s absolutely devastating and the agony and pain is horrendous. It’s reassuring that it may lessen with time but it’s still early days for me and really raw.
You’re right, I definitely need to get out and be with other people. I don’t have any family nearby but I am going to a support group this week to see if that helps. It’s not a bereavement support group so I will see how it goes but I am hopeful it will help.
2 Likes
I feel every once of your pain Dave even though I don’t know you. I am sitting waiting for my rheumatology appointment in the same hospital that my husband died in March from Cancer . My husband always brought me to my appointments and I have been dreading coming today. It is so hard and I know I shall cry when I see the Dr but I feel my husband is holding my hand and saying to me ‘you’ve done it, I’m so proud of you’
Every tiny step you take your wife will be with you and holding your hand. True and deep love never leaves you. I wish you well. Take care of yourself. BerylB
2 Likes
Thank you Beryl. I’m so sorry about your husband. The hospital must bring back awful memories.
All the things we used to do with our partners are going to be really hard to do without them.
My wife used to come with me to all my hospital appointments too. To not have her sitting next to me holding my hand is going to be really hard to bear.
You’re right about making our loved ones proud. I am trying to do things that my wife thought I couldn’t and do things we always promised to do as a couple, just small things to start with.
Wishing you all the best and sending you a hug,
Dave. x
1 Like
Just to let you know Dave that I managed to get through my hospital appointment. There were tears but the Dr was so kind and understanding. I think that many people want to help but just don’t know what to say to you, unless of course they have been through the heartbreaking experience themselves. Just one small thing each day is a great achievement .
I feel the fact that you have reached out to these messages is an achievement in itself. I felt very reluctant to join in these chats, not the sort of thing I would normally do, but I do feel that it helps to express your pain and by helping others it does give you a sense of purpose .
All the very best to you.
1 Like
Hi Beryl, I’m glad you got through your hospital appointment. It must have been really difficult but you did it and you should be proud. As you quite rightly say, it’s a great achievement. I had a telephone hospital appointment last week and I was in tears within the first minute so the doctor cut it short and rearranged it for next month. You did far better than I did.
I’m not one for joining in online chats either. I’m always worried I will say the wrong thing and upset someone unintentionally. It might sound strange but if I did post a message or texted someone I always read it out to my wife to check it was okay. It comes from a lifetime of anxiety, I suppose.
I have no family for support and friends have pretty much drifted away now. I agree that after the initial condolences some no longer know what to say. I can’t really complain because If I was them I wouldn’t know what to say either.
Being able to say on here how I am feeling has been a great help. It has got some of my thoughts out of my head, a bit like a safety valve. Reading other people’s messages also helps by knowing none of us are alone and we can all help each other through this nightmare.
Wishing you all the best too Beryl and I hope being on here is helping in some way.
1 Like