I just wanted to say hello and thank you to everyone for being here.
My wife died suddenly on the 7th of October. She was 57 years old and we had been together for 40 years.
She was my entire world. I loved her so deeply and still do. The pain and agony of losing her is tearing me apart. She meant absolutely everything to me and now suddenly she’s not here.
I am absolutely heartbroken and can’t face life without her. I have no family I can speak to and the few friends I have live too far away to visit.
I want her back so, so much but I know that can’t happen. I am absolutely lost without her and the tears will just not stop. I can’t bear the fact that I will never see her again. I just can’t see how I can carry on living a life without her.
Oh Dave I am so sorry. I lost my partner of 40 years on the 16th july. It was the end of my world. You loss is so new. I think I felt every awful emotion. This site has been a real help to me. Share how you feel and remember you are not alone. Hugs
Hi Dave
All you say is how we all feel here.That may not be of comfort but i have found solace in knowing i am not alone but in the company of those who ‘get it’.
I was with my Husband for 34 years, married 29 years-would have celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary in Sept had he lived.I miss him SO much.I have had a tooth extracted today & sat in the dentist chair fighting back the tears,because he wasnt here & i had to deal with it alone.
Just know youre amongst friends here.
I lost my husband on 5th October and know how you feel. He was 66, he was ill for just 24 hours. We were married for 44 years and very happy with big plans for our retirement which were snatched away. You feel you can’t cope but you will cope as you have no choice. Do not think of the future just concentrate on each day or if thats too much each hour. Find things to do that you have to concentrate on. Anything. Doing a jigsaw, gardening, crossword, computer game. Anything to block out those thoughts that keep gojng round your head. I can’t understand why the hospital treatment didn’t help. Want someone to explain what went wrong but no one is returning my calls. I know it won’t make any difference. That day however keeps playing through my head unless I keep busy and focused. I know I’m lucky to have sons to support me, but they have their own lives and family. We are now alone and it will take a lot of getting used to. But believe me you will come to terms with this and you will get through it. You and I will probably never like it but we will cope. We just have to give it time. In the mean time, cry, shout, grieve for your lost love and your lost future. When you are ready you will be able to make a new future. It just all seems so scary for now. I have found that writing a letter each day to him helps. Putting my thoughts and feelings down, telling him what is happening in my life makes me feel he is still part of my life.
Thank you Mbg. I am so sorry that you lost your partner too. I feel exactly the same that my world ended when my wife died.
We did everything together. Lillian was all I ever wanted and far, far more. It was like we were one person and I could never imagine anything like this would happen.
I am living a nightmare from which I can’t wake up. My heart goes out to you and everyone who is going through this absolute horror. I just doesn’t feel real, it can’t be happening.
Dave it is horrendous. You will read so many things on here that you will think… thats me, I feel that. I thought I was going insane!! Thank goodness for this wonderful place to come for reassurance and support. The one feeling that kept me awake was fear!! Fear of being alone, being without my person, fear of what to do. I have experienced grief before, nothing could have prepared me for this. I didn’t know sadness went so deep. Loneliness is awful
Dave, I am so very, very sorry that your wife died. It is a loss like no other and every one of us here has asked ourselves the same questions. I am sorry, your wife was too young to die and this painful loss must be unbearable. I get it, we all get it.
How do we go on? Hour by hour.
We force ourselves to eat.
We get 5 hours of sleep each night, sometimes with prescription medications.
We leave our houses for 30 minutes to an hour at a time to run errands because any longer in shops and traffic causes anxiety and panic attacks.
We cry.
We write a list of 5 things to do each day, we do them, we check it off the list and we have proof that we are accomplishing something every day.
Over and over and over again.
I know you want the pain to end. It will get less intense, the physical pain will lessen.
It will not ever go away, but it will be bearable.
You will be in a different place mentally this time next year. Your wound is too raw for you to imagine relief from the pain and crying is part of it all. Cry until you can’t anymore. You will stop. Just not yet.
I have only been on here for a few days but I have found it a great comfort to find that everyone here is so kind and supportive to each other.
I am so sorry about your husband. I feel the same way about having to deal with hospital and doctors appointments on my own. Lillian always came with me and it is so hard to have an empty chair beside me instead of Lillian holding my hand.
You’re right, Mbg. Pretty much everything I have read on here is exactly how I have been feeling or going through. While it is a comfort to know I am not alone in how I feel, it is also a great sadness to know other people are suffering so badly in the same way.
I am absolutely terrified of being alone. I went straight from living with my parents to living with Lillian. She was always there for me, no matter what. Lillian was the absolute love of my life. She was my soulmate and even more than that, I can’t describe it.
That is exactly how my life has been since Lillian died.
I have been setting myself tasks for each day so that I can feel like I am moving forward but the grief and immense sadness is so overwhelming it’s hard to carry on. The crying has to end at some point and the pain will hopefully become more bearable as time goes on but I know it will never go away.
Dave I am 61 and for the first time living alone. I do have four dogs, they are fed up of me crying. Well 3 of them are, one will come and give me sympathy. Lillian is such a pretty name x
Debsie, I am so sorry about your husband. What happened to you is so cruel. We too were planning for our retirement and looking forward to the future but that was taken from us in a matter of minutes.
My wife died of a blood clot. She was fine one minute then the next she was on the floor struggling to breathe. I called an ambulance but she didn’t make it to hospital.
I also have questions about her treatment but I know I will never get any answers. I just keep reliving that horrific day, over and over again.
The future terrifies me. I have absolutely no idea how I will cope without my wife. She meant the world to me. I love her so much and always will.
Hi Dave , I am in the same position I lost him at 58 . We had 30 amazing love filled years and he looked after me so much . I am truly lost without him . I am 17 months on this painful road and it is still very difficult. I put on a brave face in public but inside I am lost and miss him so much
Hi Jol, I am so sorry for your loss and at such a young age. It’s still early days for me, well five weeks on Monday but the pain is still extremely raw. I am trying to be brave in public but inside I am in agony.
My wife looked after me too. Whenever we were out and about, if I needed anything she would magically produce it from her handbag. She thought of everything, I don’t know how she did it.
But it wasn’t just that. If I was having a bad day she would just be there and everything was alright again. She would give me a look and a smile and I knew that nothing mattered except her being there.
Hi Dave . I remember the first couple of months I was in deep shock . I had a big knot in my stomach constantly. I get what you are saying . He only had to cuddle me and the world was good again . I went to a medium 5 months after he died and he came to her . It was definitely him . I felt slightly better knowing he is ok . It’s not for everyone to do that . Take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself
Thank you Jol, I have the knot in my stomach too. I also have these waves that hit me that make my blood run cold.
That must be so comforting to know your husband is ok. I am still at the stage where I think my wife is still out there and will come back at any time but I know that is not going to happen. I miss her so much, it’s unbearable.
