The Pain of Grief

Hi All, I lost my wife on 7th Jan 2022, we had been married 50 years last sept, it was her 71st Birthday on the 4th Jan, all was well and we had just returned from one of my wife’s bucket list holidays which was to go on a Cruise in the sunshine over Christmas, I went to bed on the night of the 6th Jan about 11.30 pm after I had kissed her good night and told her I loved her, which she replied ,“I am coming up now”, but she would say that quite often but then she would stop up knitting and watching Box Sets on the TV, after about an hour in bed something told me to go back down stairs to see if she was ok, which is when I found her on the kitchen floor, I could see she wasn’t breathing and tried CPR, but I just knew she was dead, which the paramedics confirmed when they arrived, she had died of Heart failure, the pain of grief is unbearable some days, I also cry
most days with sadness, and feel that the bottom of my stomach as been kicked in, and its only people like people on this site that realise what this pain and sadness feels like, other people may think they do, but until this happens to them, they don’t really understand, its comforting to read that you are not alone and other people are suffering in the same way as your are, I have read a lot about Grief since the wife died and it seems there’s no right or wrong way to Grief and there are no time limits to how long it lasts either, I never want forget my wife, but I would like to talk about her without getting upset hopefully this will come with time,Thanks


Hi Mickere,
I’m very sorry for your loss, its such a horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach and I feel like it takes my breath away.
You are right that people think they know how we feel but I don’t think they realise how much physical pain as well as mental pain we are all suffering.
I lost my soulmate on November 13th 2021 very suddenly. He was 59 and very fit with no health issues, in September 2021 he had an extensive medical for his pilots licence and was told he was in good shape for his age.
He went out for his normal morning jog and collapsed and died. I never got to say goodbye properly but take comfort in the last words we spoke to each other were “I love you”
It was totally out of the blue.
I have had moments when I can talk about him without breaking down but find it so difficult not to.
I guess the only thing we can take solace in is that there are people who truly understand how hard it is.
This forum has helped me and I hope it will help you too.
Take care


So sorry to read about your wife dying like that. My husband died almost a year ago and the pain of grief I think will always be with me. Our whole lives from being happy are suddenly plunged into a misery and sadness that we have never experienced before. People say it will soften with time. I too would like to think of my husband and smile but at the moment there is no joy and my life seems to be filled with anxiety and deep sadness. I had 18 wonderful years with my husband. We were late starters. Well someone you love so deeply is snatched away it is hard to comprehend. Our brain goes into denial. I don’t really know how I have got to this stage. With the help of my sister and brother who I really appreciate. It’s hard not being a couple when we did everything together. If I didn’t have Smudge I don’t think I would leave the house. I existing at the moment and trying to get through each day the best I can. I expect it is much the sam for you. We long for just another moment together. I wish I could give you better but a year I feel is a short time to move forward when we have lost the person we love. Please keep posting as I found this site my saviour. Thinking of you x

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Hi Muldool

Thanks for your reply, its much appreciated.


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Hi Nel,

Thanks for your reply, Take care.


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I’m really sorry.

It genuinely surprised me how much it physically hurts. I lost my partner in November, we’d been together 19 years, ever since we were teenagers, have three children together and she passed away due to Lung Mets progressing from her Breast Cancer. I thought the pain of grief and loss, the heartache, was a metaphorical thing, but each time I think of her, which is all the time, I feel that pain within my chest.

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Sorry to hear of your loss

I get great comfort ( I am not being cynical) knowing that other people have similar physically hurts through there grief as well as me, because after a while you start to think that you may have something wrong other than the pain from your Grief. Stay Safe. Mickere

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Started to go through a few of Hs clothes. Not to give away but some to put in loft and his favourite clothes to leave in wardrobe. He has more clothes than me. It all got too much when I found his wedding shirt and I have had to close the door. I’m having a chamomile tea on the sofa x

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Dear @mickere

I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words to describe the awful pain of losing a loved one.

Thank you for sharing your post. Members here will identify with what you have said as there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Don’t put pressure on yourself abut getting upset every time you talk about your wife. This is normal. You grieve at your pace and it does not matter what anyone else says or thinks.

The joy of this forum is you realise you are not alone, what you are going through is normal and it is of comfort to chat to people who have experienced what you are going through.

Please continue to reach out here any time. We are here for you and to support you. You are not alone.

Take care of yourself.


Hi Pepsi
Thanks for your kind words, much apricated, its been just over 2 months now since the wife died, and I still cant talk about her without getting upset, some days worse than others

Some friends have been in touch with me and would like to come over and see me and have a coffee, but I know very well that I will breakdown in front of them as soon as we start talking about my wife, so I am unsure weather to put them off, or offer to go to there house, or just go for it and see how it works out. Take Care Mickere


Please just go for it and see how it works out. It’s such early days for you, your friends will understand. I accept every offer I get from friends & family & it honestly does get slightly better the more times you go out or meet with people. (Although I’m much further down this terrible path than you, it’s 13 months now since I lost my darling husband.)
Thinking of you Mickere, and understand the grief & pain you are going through.
Janey x

Thank you so much for your reply, I really appreciate peoples thoughts and concerns on this forum, although I have some family who are thoughtful and want to help me, its not the same as people who have been on this terrible journey called “Grief”
To be honest I don’t think anyone really understands how pain full both physically and mentally this journey is until it happens to you, I know, I didn’t, and I will be totally understandable to people in future that losses a loved one and starts on this terrible journey of Grief, Take Care and thank you again.


Thank you for sharing, your feelings so resonate with mine. I lost my dear wife Sheena in December and it’s so hard to talk about her without breaking down. This lovely forum shows that while our individual grief paths are unique the components are common.
The pain of heartbreak is unimaginable until experienced.
I hope that it becomes bearable for us all.

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Hi mickere
I’m so sorry for the loss of your wife, I think that although we are all in the same boat grieving, everyone’s grief is different. I lost my husband last August very suddenly from covid, he had no symptoms and had been out of isolation and back to work for two weeks when he died in the early hours he was 48, we had been together for 31 years and have 2 children who are 17 and 14. I thought I would die of the physical pain, I could feel my heart breaking and even now I feel that I have nothing inside, just a fraction of my heart left for our children. At the beginning everyone was there, although I have a very small family, my Mum would come round and txt me twice a day and my dad would txt me everyday, (I have no siblings) but I felt smothered by it all, I just wanted to be left alone in our home with our kids. People, even family just want to hear that you are ‘okay’ but I can find no words to describe my feelings of utter loveless and hopeless that they could possibly understand. Now seven months on I don’t cry everyday, but I still feel empty, I can remember good times and try to encourage the children to talk about happy moments with their Dad but my eyes always drift to his empty spot in the living room or at the dinner table and, like I was always aware of his presence, I’m now always aware of his absence. But my love for him and our life together makes me never regret a single day being with him. xx