Hello.sorry about your loss .I do know how you feel. Our love ones are in God’s hands way to early. Thinking off you .lifes does go on until me are with our lost ones again.please text me if your ever alone and need a chat.chris x
These messages could have been writing them, it gives me a little comfort knowing there are people out there feeling EXACTLY the same as me! My thoughts are with you! Janet x
Dear Chris
Thank you for your kind message. I have ‘met’ some lovely people on this site who are all united by our loss. I am going to try to go back to work this week. I think I will feel like the new girl at school - but think it will be another distraction. Distraction seems to help prevent me from thinking. Thoughts can be dangerous as they can start another downward spiral and I know Gary would hate me to be miserable. Our life was made up of laughter - he could always make me laugh no matter what and I miss that so so much. You are right about being in God’s hands way too early - and it is so hard to come to terms with- and you just keep asking why? I know there is no answer to that question of course. Please message too if you need to talk - I find talking is such a comfort .
Take care
Trisha xx
As you say there are some lovely people around but at the end of the day everybody gets on with their life but you are left with these terrible thoughts!! Like me I do hope things improve with time. Janet x
I just worry that I will drive my few friends away by constantly being miserable.
I don’t have friends or family here, just the few people I ‘know’ in the street, so my real friends get the brunt of my emotions all the time.
I try really hard to come over as ‘normal’ but something always crops up in conversation, you can’t help it, and I am a heap again.
I tried temp work but people kept asking questions and just ‘prodding the tiger’ so that hasn’t really worked and I have just come over as flaky and unreliable to the temp agency, which isn’t me at all.
Having worked together for so long, to not have him by my side, commenting on everything I do and say, just his presence in the room, makes it so hard to go back to an office and do small talk. To not have every minute of the day filled with him - office work just doesn’t give me enough distraction, it gives me too much time to think, and as you have said, that just leads to a downward spiral of depression.
So I am really struggling as I can’t stay in the house all day without him but can’t work either unless I am constantly engaged and much though I love the gym I can’t spend ALL day down there.
My siblings want me to move closer to them but then I have to start all over again and I am not sure I can do that - it is a big decision and he has only been gone 2 months. There are too many thoughts running through my head that I am burying my head in the sand.
By constantly distracting myself am I just saving a heap of pain for later. By not accepting the fact that this is it - I am totally on my own, am I just postponing the hurt. Even typing this has me on tears again, it is just so darn lonely and quiet.
I know exactly how you feel, moved here coming up 2 years ago! Janet x
Trisha … Thankyou for your reply … somehow we will all find a way to go forward I supposed. Love Sue x
Thankyou … it’s so hard for all of us it really is … so much sadness and sorrow but together we have to find a way through this… I am here any time for anyone. I think we just have to let ourselves go through it until we see a tiny glimmer of light and then run towards that light… I dont know. Love to all here, Sue x
Same here Sue I think it is good to talk about it and I am always ready to talk to anybody going through this terrible time! As I have said many times unless you have gone through it you really don’t know what it is like! Janet x
Hi XX it’s only a few weeks since my husband died … it’s a horrible horrible feeling … missing that physical presence, holding his hand, someone next to me at night … he was such a good kind man. We went through so so much together … losing both our sons… losing all his family … but we were together. Now it’s jyst me and our cat Felix. I do t have the answer I can only go on when I lost our sons … I just trudged through life u TIL one day the sun came out a tiny bit for me … I saw that tiny glimmer of light abd tried moving towards it. But I had my husband by my side. I think that’s all we can do. There are people who u dersrabd. I have a hand full of really true friends da … I have isolated myself and pushed and pushed them but they are quietly still there … a strong presence in the background. I am lucky really … all my family live in Dorset abd im in Lincolnshire … I have a sister in Leeds who comes off weekends. At the moment I have been unable to go to stay with any of them…I just want to be a hermit and feel the pain I think. Love to all of you going through this pain. Sue xx
Thank you Janet … I really think it’s one of those things that no one understands until they, unfortunately, are faced with it. We are the blind leading the blind I think just doing the best we can in the only way we can. Love Sue x
Yes you are so right! I now think of my mum many years ago when I lost my dad, I really had no idea how she must have felt until now!! I can honestly say I have never experienced anything as bad as this, it is terrible to lose anybody but to lose your husband it is like someone has cut your right arm off!! I have had one day since he passed away in April that I haven’t cried, terrible day yesterday just cried ALL day! Take care, Janet x
Ahhhh I know exactly how you feel, just that closeness you have with your husband that you don’t have the same with others! I am off to a bereavement group this morning which is somewhere you can talk and listen to people in the same position! Take care Janet x
Janet I hope the Group helps you hun. Sue x
Hi Trisha,
Thank you for your reply. I have no idea how to move forward but I have those 43 years of loving him and him loving me. He was such a kind caring man I loved the bones of him. It’s just horrible here without him. But have to find a way I suppose. Some people don’t find love like that in a lifetime I suppose. I read somewhere that grief is the price we pay for love … so true.
I hope you can find a way … it all seems so hopeless specially at night I think.
Love Sue x
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Here I am again sitting and talking to my Richard, facing his photo on the sideboard and asking him " do you remember the watermill back home where we sat outside and had a coffee not long before we moved? " telling him that I will be trying to get back towards home but I wont be able to come to the water mill again as it will upset me too much knowing you wont be with me next time…" oh I am finding this so so hard, coming to terms that he is gone from my life forever now…
Jackie…
Last night I dreamt about my husband and we were talking about how to tell everyone that he was alive and laughing that everyone would think I was such a drama queen telling them he had died.
For a few seconds when I woke I felt whole again but now I feel his loss more than ever. It’s been 7 weeks but already feels like a lifetime.
Morning Trisha,
As each day dawns, we’re faced more realisations of how our lives are changing forever.
Never having lived alone in my life before, I do struggle not only with the loneliness this brings but also having to do everything on my own, those jobs Alan took care of, I now find I’ve to incorporate those into my daily chores. I’ll admit, it is very tiring and sometimes I leave chores/tasks undone only to face an even bigger task when I finally get ths time or even the motivation to tackle the relevant task that has manifested into a greater task because I left it undone previously.
It is at times such as this that everything becomes overwhelming and it really hits home that Alan isn’t here any more, there’s nothing that can be done to change that. Suppose we all face this dilemma during our current enforced existence, trying to be realistic in the face of this overpowering grief is not so simple, yet so we can live the best life we can with our loving partners by our side in spirit only, we have to develop a way of life that eases our loss.
Think I’m talking in riddles again, I am trying to come to terms with the realisation that Alan isn’t here any more and the realisation of a different way of life without him is necessary for me to continue living for the both of us. His memory will remain alive for the rest of my days, and will continue to do so in our children.
We had 52 years together, 50 of those as husband and wife, not always smooth going, but a good solid, loving marriage that stood the test of time. Throughout these last 14 months since he passed, not once have I recalled a sad time, only the happy memories have been brought into my present and i cherish these. All the disagreements during our time together are no longer relevant, are insignificant. It is all the happy loving times that are important to me.
Sorry for the ramble. At present, feeling an overwhelming sense of calm and can sense Alan is here by my side as I’m typing this. So very very comforting to know that whilst he left his earthly body, he’s never truly left because he remains with me in spirit and in my heart. Don’t get me wrong, I’d dearly love him to be here as he was, but accept that isn’t going to happen, so i take comfort in knowing he’s by my side in spirit.
Tomorrow I could be a total wreck, but for this moment I feel peace and calm.
Blessings
Jen☆
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Dear She
Oh gosh …how our brains play tricks on us trying to come to terms with the loss of our loved ones
Dreams like that are so discombobulating.,have I just made that word up ?! Anyway it sounds like a good word for scrambling the thoughts in your mind and that is what a dream like that does
So unsettling for you
My heart goes out to her
Sending much love and big hugs
Romy xxxxx
To you not her x