Thank you Jen, I do feel my husband sent a sign he was ok as he would know how sad I would be bearing in mind I lost my dad only 6 months before, it makes me feel better that I feel I have prove as I have thought of all other explanations & there was no reason for the ornament to fall, this happened 3 days after my husbands death, going back in time I remember when my mother-in-law died 2-4 days after my husband said he saw small globes of light moving around before they went, he couldn’t offer any expiation, hence why i asked him to send me a sign if he passed before me.
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You will receive many more signs and when you least expect them. They may be random signs or signs that follow a pattern that is specific to you and your husband,
Blessings.
Jen☆
I’m seven months in and it doesn’t get any better. Do you feel robbed yes. Do you get up in the morning yes you have too as hard as it is you have to. Life will never be the same we step through every day and put a smile on our faces knowing inside we feel like crap. We have to protect our children thats what we do as we need to let them think we are coping when in truth we are not. I call myself the great pretender. I haven’t posted on this for several months because it hurts to see others suffering to close to home for me. I’m not sure it will get any better but let’s hope it does for all of us. Xxxx
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I wish I could express my feelings so eloquently.
I have joined the gym for 2 reasons. Firstly, it’s something he would never have done and, secondly it gives me a chance to ‘forget’ for an hour that he is gone.
I can’t work at the moment as every time I am not totally busy I start to cry. We ran our own business and to not have him with me all day is so unbelievably hard.
Thank you for the opportunity to talk about this with you all. I gave no children and my family is not local so support is hard to come by.
It’s so hard, I am seven months down the line since Gethin passed and I still don’t know how to go forward, everything I do is on auto pilot I just fumble through the days doing the normal routine things then when the evening comes I just can’t bear the silence and loneliness. It’s hard to motivate oneself when there seems little or no purpose in doing things. Like you I just try to think he is in another room and will be back shortly, of course he doesn’t come back but the pretence makes it easier if just for a little while. Keep strong Carmen x
I also lost my husband 12 weeks ago and like you I like to think he is around! I am just finding it very difficult to come to terms with never ever seeing him again, there is just nobody on this planet that can bring him back! I expect you feel the same that it is a feeling that nobody will ever understand until maybe one day they have to go through it! They say time is a great healer but it is something that is hard to believe at this moment in time! x
Yes 12 weeks for me too…I am realising a little too late what a special person my Richard is-was, I truly meant it when I say, I will never ever find another Richard Auburn…I wish I had appreciated him more when he was here with me…Now all i seem to be telling him ( amongst my crying ) is, " i do love you, I always did love you…"
Jackie…
Jackie…
Dear Carmen
I still have my daughter living at home which is a great comfort to me - and she too is often very sad. But of course there are days when she is out so I am on my own and it is a case of keeping busy to stop the thoughts. As soon as the thoughts creep in then the tears do too. And of course everyone on here knows that some days are much much harder than others.
I am going to try going back to work next week - just for a couple of half days to start with and I really hope it will help. I am dreading it and especially meeting all my colleagues - so have asked them just to say Hi how are you rather than offer condolences - I do not want to cry in the office.
The pain is always there - I just need to learn to live with it I guess. In the meantime, I will keep up the pretence of him being somewhere else in the house.
Take care
Trisha xx
Dear Janetirene
Thank you for responding to my post. You are right, I do not think anyone understands if they have not been through this. I definitely had no idea and think how I could have been better with my mum when my lovely dad died. I obviously grieved for my dad - but at the time had no idea how my mother felt.
Yes they say same time is a healer - but I do not think time will heal this one. I think it will just allow it to be less painful - well that is what I am hoping.
And you are right, I cannot let myself think past the next couple of days - the future is no place for me at the moment!
And as for that ache deep inside - that is now part of me.
Take care
Trisha xx
Hi Trisha … I love your post hun … your love shines through. That’s the thing …, how do we make a new life for ourselves when we do t want to even think about living anyone else or changing our lives! It’s so hard and so conflicting!
My husband of 43 years died 29th April and both my adult sons have died too … both in their thirties … so now it’s just me! I do t gave the answers … all I do is cry and miss him but put a fake face on when out. But you are right we ca t rely on others and no one can do it for us. I hope you find a way forward ., I hope you re gain an interest in life … sending love from me to you x
Thank you PatriciaS. Yes - it becomes a stock phrase. In reply to How are you - it is either I am fine - or ‘up and down as you can imagine’. But I don’t think they can imagine!
I am going to try going back to work next week and that will really be living a life of pretence - as the people I will be with are workmates in the main - not friends - so it will be plenty of the stiff upper lip . Just hope I will be able to keep it up.
I agree other people’s hurt now hurts us too - as we see ourselves in them in we echo their pain as they do ours.
Take care
Trisha xx
Dear Scatcat
It is all about distraction in order to forget for a short period of time. No it does not mean we really forget but focusing on something else confuses our brain for a short time. I can understand how hard it must be for you if you worked together too. I am going to try going back to work next week - I will however have to drive a long detour to get home as I cannot travel the same road I usually did as that was when I got the phone call from my daughter to say she had found him collapsed and when my nightmare started.
I don’t think I will ever get over losing him - he was part of me. But I will continue with the lists and maybe one day I will be able to listen to the music again.
Please draw support from this forum. I do not know what I would have done without it.
Take care
Trisha xx
Oh I am so pleased to read that as I had a better week last week and was feeling better with myself but today I feel I have slipped back to the beginning, just crying all day!! Thought it was just me!! Janet
It is so so hard to carry on with life without your loved ones!! I have prayed every night that I don’t wake up in the morning as I cannot face a life on my own!! I am attending a bereavement group which I hope in time will help. I also go to church on a Thursday morning where there are some lovely people to talk to! Janet x
No days are good but today has been a really bad day for me. I’m crying and shouting to him to give me a sign that I am doing things right without him. 7 weeks tomorrow I said goodbye to my Ed. I want him back. I want to be able to look forward to doing things. Nothing matters anymore. I feel I am just existing for my family and counting the days till I can be with him again. Memories? You cannot put your arms around a memory.
Totally agree, it is so different to lose a partner than to lose a parent. Since this has happened to me, like you, I thought about when my dad died and until now never really knew what my mum was going through! Janet x
Oh how I agree!! I would just like him back for 10 minutes to say goodbye and give him a hug but I know that cannot be which is very very hard to accept! My life ended when his did, I nursed him for many weeks and that it what makes it worse! Janet x
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Bless your heart … I feel exactly the same … four weeks from diagnosis to him dying in the hospice… absolutely shocking. I don’t have the right words … it’s incomprehensible. Both our adult sons have died over the last few years too … so just me left now. I can only wish you. Comfort in this journey we are on … I miss his voice, holding his hand, just his physical presence. Sending love from my heart to yours hun, Sue x
Dear Pedro521
Thank you for your message - you are absolutely right I loved him with all my heart - as I knew he did me. I do not know what to say - to lose your sons and your husband - my dear lady I cannot imagine how you feel. I have no idea how I am going to move forward and even less of an idea how you do. I really hope you find some peace and that some of the small things in life bring you some pleasure. I find the people on here have helped me immeasurably and I appreciate all the responses I get that help me to cope.
Please take care
Trisha xx
It is all so unfair - and I am sorry if my original post upset you . It was just me saying how I felt when I realised. Without doubt everyone on this forum wishes it was different. There is nothing more I can do other than send you love and compassion.
Take care
Trisha xx