The silly things we miss

I don’t know about anyone else but it is often the silly little things that we miss most and makes us cry.

This morning drawing back the sitting room curtains - the cushions on the settee look perfect. My lovely husband had a way of sitting that squashed them up - almost mangled them - I don’t know how he did it as no one else manages to. But every day the big heavy feather cushions would need a sound shake to put them back into shape.

I miss how he would leave his tea bag in his cup to make it as strong as possible - no more severely tea stained mugs.

I miss his loud music - me saying Gary you will wake everyone up - and the almost imperceptible grunt that echoed back to his teenage years of grudging acceptance.

I miss no more cans of beer in the recycling box and how he used to spend so much time tidying making sure our recycling was done properly.

I miss talking to him most. We were both great talkers and we told each other everything - every little concern we had - every little idea. He could talk for hours about his music - until I glazed over (i did not understand the technicalities - and used to say you need to talk to James or Bill, who did understand).

I miss the TV programmes we enjoyed together but I cannot watch. I also miss having to prise a bit of TV time when the snooker was on - or wheeler dealers - or another rerun of a film that he seemed to be able to watch again and again.

I miss having him to consult on things I am worried about. I miss how he could make us all laugh. I miss his silly voices and faces that would crack my daughter up.

To be honest I miss everything about him - just like I am sure you all miss your lost loves.

Back to being busy to try and get through another day I guess.

But I know everyone on here is the same.

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Every word is so very true Trisha, sometimes it can be the tiniest thing that doesn’t mean anything to anyone except to us.

I miss most of what you have written, plus having to wrestle with the mangled quilt every day as I made the bed, removing the newspapers from Alan’s reading room, oops, mean the bathroom.

13 months on and I still miss him and his ways, the times he used to do certain things just because he knew it annoyed me and he was being devilish.

Thank you for bringing these memories back into focus.

Blessings
Jen☆

I just miss my Richard…I know I am the only one left now, I know I have to now change and plan my future, as I am still here, for how long I dont know…I am still breaking down crying because I dont want to be placed in this position of changing to adapt to a different kind of future when all I want is my Richard back, the life I had with him for the last 20 years…
I dont want a different future…

Jackie…

Jackie…

Not so much the silly things but on the carpet under our coffee table in the living room sits an expensive leather swivel top scrabble board that will forever now sit there now unused…When me and Richard had three or so hours spare we would get it out, he was rather competitive, we had some fun seeing which one of us got the highest score, and had some laughs as to whether our word will be accepted, I also said to him, if it is in the dictionary it will be…Just sitting there looking at it sitting there, knowing we shall never be playing it together again has started me off bawling my eyes out again…

Jackie…

For me today it’s about family celebrations I miss him, it is our sons 40th birthday and we went out 16 of us for a meal, this is the first big birthday without him. I wanted him by mu side just like he has been for the last 47 years on these occasions, I think we were all trying that bit to hard, first time all of us have been together since his funeral, in January. We raised a glass to him and I fought back the tears, th next big one is my brothers 70th in August, I hope I can cope a bit better by then, this first year really is hell, every time you think you are getting on your feet, something comes along to knock you over, highway to hell I think
Jan x

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My god I can so relate to you, my partner was a clutter person always little messes everywhere. It used to drive me nuts but I miss it so much. I always had a cup of tea in the morning from him. We used to chat about everything. He was amazing when I suffered a nervous breakdown a couple of years ago. I miss his kind ways his phone that was constantly ringing. His voice, his laughter and the great relationship he had with our son. I miss the rev of his motorbike, the blue air that came from his garage when things were not going just right. I really miss him terribly it is early days five weeks since he passed. I just hope time is a great healer and things will become easier for us all. But I truly relate to you take care xxx

My god I can so relate to you, my partner was a clutter person always little messes everywhere. It used to drive me nuts but I miss it so much. I always had a cup of tea in the morning from him. We used to chat about everything. He was amazing when I suffered a nervous breakdown a couple of years ago. I miss his kind ways his phone that was constantly ringing. His voice, his laughter and the great relationship he had with our son. I miss the rev of his motorbike, the blue air that came from his garage when things were not going just right. I really miss him terribly it is early days five weeks since he passed. I just hope time is a great healer and things will become easier for us all. But I truly relate to you take care xxx

I am sorry - I had meant to reply earlier but have been keeping myself really busy in an effort not to think. The future is a scary place without him and even though my two grown up children have been wonderful - it is our shared future that I miss and cannot bring myself to think about. It is early days for me too, I only lost him seven weeks ago so it is is still very raw. Some days I think I am coping quite well and others definitely not so - grief definitely comes in waves.
Even though my daughter is still living at home - the house is so tidy and far too quiet and the garden is the tidiest it has ever been. I am no gardener but I have found solace in cutting back bushes and planting containers. I have painted walls (knowing they are not up to his standard) and found myself apologising for the finish - but I just felt the need to do something different.

I have not been able to return to work yet. I thought I was ready and then had the most awful week last week and realised that I am far from ready. I know I will need the routine and I am sure once I am brave enough to return it will help - but then it will be the pain of returning to an empty house. But there I go again thinking too much.

Do we ever stop missing them? Do we just learn to live with it? It is hard to imagine the rest of my life without the person that has been central to it for the last forty years. I am not sure where those years went either. When I look back on photos when we were first together - he was only 20, four years younger than my daughter. I can look at the photos of when he was young - but the recent ones just bring me to tears.
Take care and keep posting on here. I cannot tell how much this forum and the kind people on here have helped me.

Trisha xx

Hi Trisha,

My home is tidier to but so quiet and i have also done some gardening and it’s actually looking OK. I’m the same as you I can look at ictures of when my partner was young but recent ones just bring me to tears. I also keep thinking he will come home and I will hear his voice once again. The mind plays tricks on you I think. I keep thinking of my future without him and its hurts a lot. I wanted us to be grandparents and for him to be part of my sons 21st it makes me sad that all these milestones will now be so different. I also worry how my son is coping with his emotions as he is so quiet sometimes. I do have some good days where I feel I’m coping pretty well. I find the paperwork side of things have kept me busy but had given me another thing to worry about as not everything has been as straightforward as I would have liked. But I am trying to be strong for my son and do try to think positively. I hope you have had a good day today. Take care xx

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