The special song that made it feel so raw.

Today had been a very difficult day for me as I am sure it has been for many of you. My daughter had been at work and my son in law took my grandson out for the day so off I went to get out of the house to keep my mind occupied. I jumped on a train and went off to a town I have never been before. Had a look round the shops, sat and had some lunch and then went to a park where they had a stage where local artists play to the public. Was actually enjoying listening to some very talented singers and people watching. Then a very talented girl sang a song by Celine Dion “Because you loved me”…mine and my husband’s all time favourite. The tears flowed and I had to get up and leave as it was the first time I had heard it since my husband’s passing and the tears turned into sobs. So many emotions and thoughts and it really hit home listening to the words of that particular song that life is never going to be the same for me. Although it is still early days (5 months on the 15th of this month) I came home and made the decision to book my flight back to our home in
Cyprus next week. Having struggled to adapt to life back in the UK and the added factor that there is a total lack of support from my daughter I feel that I need to be back in familiar surroundings to be able to move on and think of what is best for me. I also need to be near my husband’s burial place in our village. It’s hard being so far away from him and I so want to be able to go and talk to him. I know it’s going to be hard going back to our house without him and all our animals and I am absolutely dreading it but now I know it is the right thing to do for me. Fed up trying to put on a brave face and inwardly struggling to please family who have no idea how agonising this journey is. So grateful to the members who have been so supportive and understanding to my particular situation.xx

6 Likes

Hi , heartbroken. So sorry you have had a terrible day . And you feel the way you do . Yes certain songs really get to us . And the tears flow . So sorry you don’t get the support you need from your family . Hope when you finally get back to your home . You will find a little comfort and peace . You will still be able to post on here when you are in Cyprus I hope . This site helps us a lot . People who do understand how we feel . And totaly get it . Thinking of you xtake carex

3 Likes

@Broken2222

Thank you. Feeling totally wiped out to be honest. I think hearing the song just made me realise that it’s not tenable to stay here. My daughter even made a flippant comment basically saying she didn’t think I would ever settle back here and that I was having an affect on her marriage and I was “horrible” to be around. I actually thought I was doing ok especially with no support from her. So sad and disappointed at the situation :cry:. I am lucky that I have some very good friends in Cyprus who have been very supportive from afar.
Yes, will definitely be following/posting on the group. I am grateful for all the support and feel connected to other members who are on this awful journey of utter grief. Take care and look after yourself. xx

3 Likes

Hi I’m glad you will still be posting and keeping in touch with this awful club we have found ourselves in . Not the club awful it is a god send . But our situation our non life now . Hopefully you will get the support from your friends when you go back home . And maybe your daughter might realise how hurt and lonely you are without your husband . And we are not like this because we want to be . It’s just the way we feel now . She might be more support to you from afar . Try and look after yourself . Sending a big hug . Xtake carex

2 Likes

Hi @Heartbroken2022,I discovered that particular song after I had lost my darling soulmate, and I have dedicated it now to him, together with so many others. The words echo the whole of our lives together, I am REALLY who and what I am because he loved me. My one and only true love… I understand you wanting to go back to your home in Cyprus, where you have so many wonderful memories, and can be near your husband. I was born and grew u p in London, but could never go back there. I left as a single 26 yrold. I have been living in Italy for nearly thirty years now, . could never leave this house, which we have shared since we married, our children born and grown up here, luckily, they still live with me, they’re still studying, haven’t ‘left’ the nest yet. Even when I just go shopping about once a week, I can’t wait to get back home where I feel the love we shared together, where we have created our family nest, the only place I feel comfortable and at ease.

Take care.

3 Likes

@Broken2222 Thank you. Hurt and lonely sums it up sadly. My daughter is the only relative I have now and I so do not want to fall out with her over this whole episode. I am not usually an angry person and always look for solutions to any problems life throws at me but I feel hurt and angry that she hasn’t taken the time to give me support at any time and has just carried on as normal. You take care too and a big hug sent your way. x

2 Likes

@Solost Thank you. Yes, a beautiful song and one that will always remind me of the love my husband and I shared. I totally understand your need to be in the house that you shared with your husband. It is how I am feeling at this time. So many happy memories and I want to be there to remember our good times together. It frightens me that as time goes on and I get older the distance will make me forget. It’s also hard knowing that he is resting in the local cemetery alone and that if I’m not there he will be forgotten on special occasions. He loved our garden and at least I can take him flowers when I am there. xx

2 Likes