The tears and loneliness

Is there anyone here online? Have no one to phone, to talk with to say I feel so sad, lonely, in pain with a head filled with everything and nothing. Certainly not in the mood to phone the Samaritans, as had another stranger who was a male and just kept saying yes to each thing said. Don’t get me wrong they have also been my only listening ear - it’s just I am tired of not being connected. On such a beautiful sunny spring day am I a reminded that life is so short yet so painful too. That it’s so hard to grieve on your own. I just want to numb it all out so emotional eat when it is not wise or healthy too. My memory is scrabbled as well as my thoughts. Hate this time of the night as its when I am often at my lowest point unable to sleep yet too tired being awake. With Mothering Sunday approaching just filled with dread among other feelings. The tears flow as I type so probably I am not making much sense.

I look on here regularly. I know how you feel everything is going right and then something like this happens and is like someone has just came and stamped on your whole life and you think what is the point of life? Try read f afterlife books it helps me and I don’t feel so scared about death as I lost my mum in August yes im dreading Sunday but it’d also my first mothers day as a mum myself so want to enjoy it for myself. I feel i should be giving my mum a card with a long message stating how amazing she is like I use to every year with a present and making her dinner but no i don’t want to buy flowers to put in the cemetry doesn’t feel right this is not whet it should be! How are you doing? X

I’m here and reaching out to you. The night is over so I hope you managed some sleep and are feeling more peaceful. So very hard for you and I know nothing can make things right.
But you have got through to another day and someone once gave me some advice ‘if you are having s bad day you will have a better day tomorrow’. That has helped me and I hope it helps you. Don’t worry about a scrabbled brain. I also have this at times and it does come and go.
We are all here together in this and have suffered such sad losses.
You are very welcome to private message me if that will help.
I will think of you today and am sending you the biggest of hugs xxx