Hello people. I just have a question. How do you cope when you are the first person to loose your loved one among your peers? I recently lost my mother before her 70th birthday. Today, a message was sent around to plan for my mother in-law upcoming 70th birthday. Of course, I am the only one without a mother in their midst. No one understands my feeling, which I do not blame them. I actually don’t know how I would feel during the party. Seems everybody around me, including friends are now all of a sudden celebrating their mother’s 70th birthday. Displays on whatsapp, facebook, everywhere, and if you advise that I should deactivate my social media, it still doesn’t take the pain away. So, who can relate with this? It doesn’t have to be about the loss of mother alone. How do you cope?
By the way, I’m in my mid 30s, I feel pretty young to lose my mom.
I completely understand what you are saying. Social media can be great but it also can be terrible when you don’t need reminding of what your loss.You sometimes think that people are doing it deliberately ( of course most are not) I’ve noticed in the last few years companies have actively stopped making a thing about it . It’s like most things, you never notice until it comes to you. You take your own lead. You could not go to the party as it’s early days and just do whatever you feel like. People should/will understand.x
Don’t deactivate your social media - mute it. I presume you’ve accepted the invitation and know the date? Just hide everything now and only look at it if you feel ready. You know it is happening, but you don’t have to face all the comings and goings. Let your husband telly if they need you to do anything.
Hi @Diwu I totally get what you mean. I lost my mum recently, at 32. I feel far too young to lose her, and that makes me feel so sad and upset, and like it’s so so unfair. There is so much she’ll miss, that I don’t have her around for. I have friends who still have both parents and even grandparents. I have no close family, I only had my mum, so it seems so unfair that I lost the only family I had, and at my age. It’s also hard as I don’t have many people to relate to. I’m certain it’s always hard when you lose a parent at any age. But when you watch your friends who still have their parents and family and you don’t, it’s hard not to feel jealous and envious. My mum wasn’t ready to go, she so wanted to live. It tears me apart inside that she didn’t get to and now I’m alone without her 
I have my husband, and he’s been great, but of course he can’t fully understand as it’s not his mum. I have found comfort talking to other people who understand how I feel, like on here. It doesn’t matter what age they are as we all know how it feels and how hard it is, so can all relate. Take care, and I’m so sorry you have to lose your mum too x
Yep, my best friend’s mum was harping on about her upcoming wedding anniversary, but my mum and dad would have been celebrating their golden wedding anniversary next month 
, had my dad still been with us.
I’m not the first in my peer group, to lose a parent, but I am in my 30s. My dad was 67 when he lost his dad. My dad was healthy and well, but primary care were fobbing him off when he was going seeing them about symptoms of a blocked artery.
Hi @Paula12 thank you for your response. I agree, it’s not deliberate and I cannot stop the world from moving because of my loss. I used the word recently in my write-up because that’s how I feel, the pain still feels fresh than ever, though my mom passing is roughly a year ago. I do hope they understand if I decide not to attend the party.
@Dublingirl Hi, thank you for your reply. Yes, the problem is that social media is my only saving grace for now, if you know what I mean, it’s my escape route whenever the wave of grief is coming my way. However, it has both advantages and disadvantages such as seeing mothers being celebrated. About my husband, we are in a different country as my mother in-law and if we are to attend, we will have to travel down to our country for the party. He is also not making it easy for me to process because he is indecisive on going on not. Today, he’ll tell me we won’t go because of our financial struggle, while tomorrow he’ll say, we have to attend, including the children.
Hi @Woo4 First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. I can see that we are in the same shoes and our feelings are similar. My husband helped during the first weeks but told me to move on after the burial, as there was nothing I can do to bring her back and she’s in a better place. Little did he know how piercing those words were but I guess he doesn’t understand the pain, since he’s mother is still much alive. My grief is more painful because I didn’t see my mom for a long time before she died, I was in another country studying, Covid happened, I had a baby and so we couldn’t travel back. She died some months after my graduation, when I was planning to go back and visit her so my pain is immeasurable. Like your mom, mine was also not ready to go, she’s always been fearing death but she died eventually. I have no one to talk to because my siblings are always shying away from talking about it, they said it brings back painful memories so I let them be. I have so much to type but don’t let me bore you with my pain. I hope you find some comfort and I wish you all the best in this journey. Take care! xoxo
Hello @Burgled I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that you are not alone. My thoughts are with you and your family.