The void left after losing someone

I lost my beautiful grandmother yesterday at the age of 93, she lived a long and rich life and her health did not really decline until her nineties when heart issues caught up with her and over the last year she was like a cat with 9 lives in and out of hospital with heart failure. She battled until the end. I was the last one to see her on Tuesday lunchtime, I could tell perhaps it wouldn’t be long as she had mostly been sleeping, barely eating and the tips of her fingers were purple. During the night she passed away. My mind is constantly going over what may have happened in those hours and hoping she was peaceful.

We were so close, I saw my Gran numerous times a week my entire life. She was iconic, inspirational and great fun.

I’m scared of the void left behind. I feel that she was the person I was closest to in my whole family. I can’t imagine never seeing her again. I feel lost.


Hello @Ems12345,

Thank you for opening up in your post, I’m so sorry to hear about your Gran. It sounds like she was a wonderful person and you were very close to her. The feelings you are experiencing and the fears you have shared are completely understandable and normal, especially as this is all so recent.

I’m glad you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.

  • Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief. You might also find the self-help tools on Grief Guide a helpful way to reflect upon the memories you have with your Gran.

  • Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS

  • Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat

  • Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through .

Take care - keep reaching out,

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So sorry for you loss, just wanted to say I feel the same. My Mum recently passed away and I went over and over those last hours, had a million questions. It is a void in your life. 7 years ago my Gran passed away and that was so hard and we were so close, she said I was her favourite! I take some comfort that they are now together and I don’t cry everyday now but don’t think it will ever feel real. I’m sure they are around us xx

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Thank you @JoJo678 I am so sorry for the loss of your Mum. My therapist was encouraging me to reach out to care home to ask about those last hours but I’m not sure how much that would help me because I’m sure they will just say she was peaceful etc etc. I’m not sure if you reached out to people with questions?
We had the funeral yesterday and it was a lovely service but it really stirs the emotions up. I accept now life will be different and there will be a void I cannot fill but I’m not sure when I’ll ever get my head round not seeing her again.

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I did ask lots of questions to different doctors that looked after my Mum in hospital, I had to to try and understand? There is a big void in my life, I feel I have no one to talk to, no one that understands me, no one that loves me unconditionally. There are good days and bad days and I’m trying to be kind to myself on the bad days and making the most of life on the good days but it can be so hard when I sit and think so try to keep busy but I don’t think like will ever be the same but I know she would want me to be happy so I have to keep remembering this and all the good times

I’m so sorry to hear @JoJo678 of how hard it is. I know for me it wasn’t my Mum so I can’t wholly relate but my Gran was my second Mum for 35 years and I feel the void greatly.
My dad said yesterday ‘life won’t go back to normal, it won’t ever be the same, there will be a new normal’.
I understand on the keeping busy. You feel like you have moments where you don’t think about it for 10 seconds and then you have those painful moments of realising all over again. It’s like carrying around a heavy heart all the time, which is tiring. Ironically I then don’t sleep well!!