The weird feeling of this life

Hello, friends

I’m almost two years into the loss of my beautiful husband of 30 years, and sometimes people ask if I’m “used to it” yet. The simple answer is, no I’m not. I’ve made efforts to move forward, I’ve joined different groups, adopted cats etc, and I do think these things have helped propel me me forward up to a point. But life still has this strange, positively ALIEN feeling… I feel like I’m just cobbling together whatever bits and pieces I can grab to build some semblance of a life and shore my broken heart up. Sometimes I enjoy some of those things; they help me feel okay for a few hours. But nothing feels settled - it’s not like “Oh, this is my life now and I don’t even question it anymore.” There is just no baseline of security - I don’t trust decisions I make and am scared of messing everything up and having no Ken to help me fix it. In my old life, I just lived my life with Ken…

I suppose that I thought that two years down the track, I’d be used to things a bit more…but I’m just not. I wonder when I will get to a time where life feels “normal” again, if I ever do… it’s still so bloody weird without him.

Does anybody relate?

Lots of love,

Louise xoxo

Two questions:
1.What will normal look like.
2.How will you know when you get there.

It’s something I’ve been thinking about. At this time I struggle to identify the answer to either question but it would be very useful to know what it is that I am hoping for.

Hi Yorkshirelad… I suppose that I hope a time will come when I’m relatively okay at least most of the time… and that might be some way off. Hopefully something will just click when we get there…

Hi Mrs Plummer it over 2 years into my nightmare and i feel like alien most of the time .The question of willi feel normal again i dont ask myself ,i just plod on day by day.I moved from london 17 years ago to be with the love of my life .I feel empty nobody can replace her,the old Colin will never return because my whole world has lost important meaning .To me the phrase time heals your pain is wrong time forces me to think and act a different way .Im not saying other people are wrong , everybody deals with there nightmare in different ways .Take care Colin