Hi, I’m new to this Forum, and guess i just wanted to find a safe space to let some things out. I lost my Dad who was my absolute hero when i was 13 to pancreatic cancer 6 weeks from diagnosis to his passing. I never grieved him properly and it hit me hard about 12 years later culminating in a massive breakdown. My Mum took on the role of 2 parents as well as being my best friend. Mum had her own battles with Bowel Cancer later in life which she handled with such bravery and dignity. In 2020 she was being treated for what was first thought to be ovarian cysts but was actually Cancer. She went through some really aggressive treatment which left her very poorly so i brought her to live with me so i could care for her and give just a fraction of the love and support she’s always shown me. Further scans later showed spread of this cruel disease and she decided to live out the rest of her life her way without any more treatment. She soldiered on with such courage in her own home until July 2023 when there was a rapid deterioration in her condition and the Hospital told us it was only a matter of weeks. I gave up my life to care for her as it was her wish to pass in her own home. And as hard as it was i’d do it again tomorrow. Mum passed away on November 4th 2023 as i held her hand. Its after all the sorting and arranging that sitting with all these different feelings i just feel so lost, just like a little boy again. The last few days and nights the tears have just flown out of me and i feel drained completely. I apologise for the long message. Just to say for everyone struggling with loss, I send love, peace and hope for the future, Much Love Steven xx
Im so sorry for both your losses Steven. To lose your Dad at such a young age and so quickly I can understand why as a 13 year old that would have just felt too immense to process. And then to see your lovely Mum go through so much too, it must have been heartbreaking. I can totally understand why you feel so lost. I lost my Dad over 20 years ago when i was 27 - i just got a call to say he’d had a heart attack and was gone, so it was completely unexpected and i never got to say goodbye. The last 20 or so years i supported Mum through all her various health problems and spent nearly a year caring for her full time before she passed away at home at the end of October 2023. I left my home empty to move in with her and lost my job during that last year, but I wouldnt have had it any other way - Mum wanted and deserved to be in her own home. And now i feel so scared of this future ahead which feels so empty and pointless without Mum there everyday. I talk and write to her everyday, and just set myself a couple of small tasks a day to achieve - nothing too much. Im starting a bereavement support group next week and im hoping that will help as i feel so very isolated in this pain. I hope you have friends and family that are supporting you? Keep posting here, there are so many people in similar situations so you can be completely honest about what you’re feeling and people will understand
Ally, firstly thank you for your beautiful and kind reply. And secondly much of what you’re feeling i can resonate with. I’m an only child and no family nearby so cared for mum alone, but absolutely no regrets at spending those precious months with her. We go again tomorrow yeah? I truly hope the support groups brings you a little respite from the consuming feelings within. Kindest regards Steven xx
My mum passed in November 2023 , she had advanced alltzimers I cared for her and kept her at home till the end , I feel exactly the same as you tired , feel lost , lonely . They say times a healer , I hope it is ,as I’m not looking forward to the future at the moment , best wishes
Nitt, thank you for taking the time to read my post. Sending you thoughts filled with peace and hope for the future. Feeling a little less alone on this journey of grief knowing others are experiencing how i’m feeling xx
My mum passed away from cancer in December 2023. I have no children and although I have two older brothers we’re not close and I can’t talk to them because they don’t really listen and they don’t understand. Mum and I were always close and in contact daily. Like you all I feel so lost and lonely. It’s good to know that other people feel the same.
Sending big hugs to all of you.