Shaun has been gone 9 weeks on Wednesday, I had my first bereavement session last Thursday and since then I have been in constant pain, physically and emotionally… I’m having panic attacks all the time, shaking constantly, haven’t eaten for days. I’m just so scared of the future without him and torturing myself with what I’m going to do to keep a roof over our heads, keep things going, and try to somehow ‘live’ ??? I’m just absolutely lost right now, trying to come to terms of approaching 35 and I’m now a widow?! How has life turned out this way
I’m truly sorry for what you’re going through. Have you applied for widows bereavement allowance? Can you apply for tax credits?
Someone here may have more knowledge of what you can claim for to help financially.
It is such a stressful time. I hope someone can reach out to you soon.
Yes Iv had the bereavement allowance. I’m not entitled to anything else due to the death in service payment. So that money just has to be kept to pay the rent and some bills for as long as it can until it runs out just seems so unfair as eventually that money will have gone and we will end up not being able to afford the house. X
life is so hard. It’s such a stress!
Hi! I will be in the same position as you soon ( husband is 43 and I have two kids and no job as I’m his full time carer).
People don’t realise the financial impact this all has aswell as the emotinal. All we can do is take each day as it comes and not think too far ahead (says me who is the worst culprit for not doing this).
If you have some death in service, make sure you put any extra money,you won’t be spending within the year, into a high interest account.
If your mental health is to the point of you not eating, you really should go and see your GP. Also maybe an idea to join WAY (widowed and young) support group.
You are definitely not alone xx
I have read your post and comments and I’m so sorry your going through this, it is absolutely cruel!
Yes I have put it in a separate account and just sending a set amount each month to go alongside my wage to know we’re managing for as long as we can
I went to GP and asked for something to just ease the anxiety, Iv never taken tablets in my life. And they prescribed me diazepam!! Then said not to drive whilst taking them? I have a 9 year old depending on me and need to be able to function?
I’m just trying to cope with it and ride the really really hard times out!!
Here if you ever want to chat! All my love xx
My husband had diazapam a couple of times to get him to a procedure and it absolutely spaced him out so be careful with that one. They are pretty heavy duty drugs. Here if you ever need a chat x
@Scarl34 I am so sorry that you have this extra stress while grieving. My heart goes out you. Have you tried contacting Citizens Advice Bureau? I’m not sure if they may be able to advise you? You need to look after yourself and eat something (I know it’s hard I have the same problem. I can’t swallow). Your children need you. My thoughts are with you. Here to support you even if I don’t have a solution.
Take care. xx
Sadly @Scarl34 is correct so the citizens advice wouldn’t be able to help on this occasion. Widows get 18 months of support now (it used to be until the child turns 18). If you have over £6k in the bank you aren’t entitled to claim any benefits (bar the usual child benefit) you can then claim universal credit once that £6k has gone. I will be living off inheritence until that’s gone (never thought I’d have to be spending that).
I have the bereavement allowance payments for 18 months so that’s to top up the rent, then I’m living off the death in service payment. Not entitled to anything until that nearly runs out. Then it’s a case of claiming UC which Iv already calculated alongside my wage and i won’t be able to afford to live here or manage at all… it’s a huge worry and one I never thought I’d experience… I’m really trying to stop myself from the panicking because I know too well after these last few months, you never know what’s around the corner. But sadly because of the job I do I see people lose their homes daily through no fault of their own, just a case of financial difficulty and they end up in temporary accommodation with their children
I feel like everything is going to be taken away from me, but I’d live in a cardboard box of it meant I could have Shaun back xx
@Scarl34 I am so sorry for what you are going through. My heart is breaking for you. I wish I had some solutions for you but unfortunately I don’t. All I can do is to send you my love and big hugs. Please don’t give up hope. You never know what’s round the corner although at the moment it’s hard. Look after yourself and you are in my thoughts. xx
I know thank you though for thinking of me I appreciate it it’s just so hard right now to see any light at the end of the tunnel… I suppose I just have to hope and pray we don’t end up in the situation I’m fearing… all I can do is try and keep going and hope for a miracle, but losing shaun has made me lose hope in anything xx
@Scarl34 I know it’s hard to remain hopeful due to the loss suffered but there must be some glimmer of hope in the midst of all this awfulness we are all going through.
Take good care of yourself and I am always here to listen and support you. Lots of love and extra large hugs. xx
Thank you so much! I appreciate it I really do! Your so lovely and kind xxx
@Scarl34 I was in a very similar position to you when my wife died. She left a modest inheritance and as I’m self employed and couldn’t work at the time I had to use that to live on as I couldn’t claim any benefits other than bereavement allowance as the inheritance took me over the saving threshold for UC. It was really devastating to find that out and have to use the money she left for day to day things.
One thing I did find out that may be of use is that when I came to the point where I could apply for UC, having spent the inheritance to the point where I was under the savings threshold of £16000, is that the £2500 I got for the bereavement allowance wasn’t included as savings. This meant that I could have applied for UC a lot earlier.
I too will be using inheritence. Is the saving threshold 16,000? I thought it was less than that?
I absolutely agree. It’s so unfair that that money has to be used to just survive and pay bills, I feel like it’s such an insult to shaun… I’m not in the position to be accepted for a mortgage so it’s not even like I could use the money for a deposit as I’d still likely be refused… so until that money runs out (which it will quickly with todays cost of living) we have a roof over our head… what will happen then I don’t know and it absolutely petrifies me.
I’m positive it is now £16,000 and under…
I should know this off the top of my head as my
Work is around benefits/housing but this last few weeks my mind is just blank…
Any savings/capitol £6000 and under won’t be taken into consideration. Anything over will reduce what your entitled to x
@Nori As sacrl34 says anything under £6000 is disregarded, anything over lessens your entitlement by £4.35 for each £250, or part thereof over that limit, up to £16000 where you have no entitlement. But as I say they don’t take the Bereavement Allowance into account, with regards to savings which means that if you receive that you should be able to claim when your savings drop below £18500. I haven’t receive all of the BA payment of £100 pm yet but when I applied I got a decision stating that an amount of £2500 relating to BA would be disregarded for an ‘indefinite period’. This has been my experience and it may differ for other people/situations, so worth checking out.