Morning everyone and hope that you all managed to get through another bank holiday. I have been wondering if anyone else goes through the motions of if I do the garden, housework, meeting up with a friend, going for a walk, clearing out a cupboard etc. the list is endless then I’ll feel better and move on. But for me sadly it rarely works and if it does it’s only fleetingly and I’m back to what if I clean the car… Would love to know what others think will make it better. the only thing I’ve done that helps a little but only while I’m there was to join a rock choir but I have to force myself to go.
Thinking of you all.
Love Jenny.
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yes. garden clean etc. doesn’t help but I keep thinking Janine would expect me to try at least.
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Hi kingfisher struggling with that myself im on my own much of the time and its just 7 weeks tomoro .i just feel i need something to look forward too to aim for .Abreak holiday day out anything .But the sad truth is now hes gone who do i go with .Hopefully in time i wont be has loneley but dont think i would have confidence enough to go away on my own .Ye we potter doing things shopping housework but it doasnt give you any joy.That alk went the day he died miss him so much xxx
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Hi Jenny. In the early days, I found it very difficult to get going with these tasks which bring back memories. You say you are ok for a while,but it doesnt last. Quite normal for me as well.
I just kept going, and bit by bit the “while” got longer and longer and it no longer affects me. Apart from housework that is , because I’m a man!
Its part and parcel of our journeys for a while, hang in there. Good luck
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@Kingfisher I have a constant list that I set for the next few days and tick off jobs when done. Some big, some small. It’s not so much to make me feel better but to keep me busy and fill my day. I suppose it can be a distraction. The only thing I find makes me feel better for a little bit is spending time with family but this is getting less as they get back to their own lives. Sending hugs
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@Hope5 I’m so sorry you are struggling. Loneliness is a huge part of the grief I’m struggling with. I don’t have any single friends and like you don’t have the confidence to go on days out/holidays on my own. Sending hugs
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Thanks Jan sorry your going through this too .we did every together so feel lik e ive lost my future .I dont even know if i could go on a singles holiday i envy anyone who.can do it tho.hugs to you xxx
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@Kingfisher - I agree with you, but sometimes doing those mundane/regular things can bring their own rewards. Sometimes I find a thing that I’ve been looking for so it makes the chore worthwhile. Yesterday I fixed a wonky loo seat as I found the attachments I’d been looking for for ages. A small victory but I’ll take it 
.Other times, like this morning, I just sit - it’s ok not be doing something and this morning some memories came through and rather than ignore them I let them in and reflected on them. Some days are slow though and no amount of hoovering, cleaning or fixing loo seats makes them go any faster. The only thing some days is to go for a walk. I think getting outside is good for my mental health and there’s always the chance you might bump into a friend and have a natter. Life will never be quite the same but I’m working on filling in those gaps in my time. I volunteer one day a week - it’s been good for socialising and also putting something back into the community.
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Hi @Kingfisher, I know what you mean, I used to have so much more energy when there was two of us and all the household jobs were shared.
And now it’s down to me, the list is endless. Not helped by arthritis in my knees and still working, our garden has got a bit away from me this year. I know I will tame it again eventually and feel a sense of achievement but then back to square one and the list starts again. So much harder to get motivated these days.
Debbie x
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Hi Debbie, I think that you hit the nail on the head when you said it’s so much harder to get motivated these days. The joy of working together and then a sandwich and a cuppa to finish the job is no longer sadly. It truly is the little things that bring it all home.
Thank you all for replying to my post, it was interesting to read all your feed back.
Now where’s my list!..Love Jenny x
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Im not suprised your rick choir helps. I think music is very cathartic … i find having lovely baths with nice bubbles or bath salts very good and also going for walks with my puppy xxx but sometimes i still cry doing eiher of these xxx
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@Kingfisher
I go to work, I walk the dog, I laugh with friends, I meet friends for coffee, I meet family for walks, I go shopping etc etc. I don’t do anything to make me feel better, I do it to get through the day/weeks without the love of my life. I don’t expect anything to make me feel better. I just expect to get through the day I’m on.
One day, I hope to realise that on that day, I don’t hurt so much, that I might get through a day and realise I haven’t spent all day thinking about him/us.
That day hasn’t come yet and I’m not expecting it to for a while.
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Know where you are coming from, it’s been just over 6 months now & I have to force myself to do the housework; I brought all her works things home several months ago & they are still where I left them. I go to work because I have to pay my bills. The only real time I go out is with my mother & we have a coffee but nothing feels worth it in life anymore, the other day it was a beautiful sunny day, white puffy clouds so I went for a walk in the park by me & all I could think of was how I didn’t belong in this world anymore, how strange & different everything is & how I don’t want it but there’s no choice but to carry on in this existence!!
Peace & love 
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@Ali29 being busy definitely helps distract from the utter despair. Like you I hope one day these things might actually be enjoyable rather than just going through the motions
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