I lost my wife of 57 years on the 16th February. It was all so fast. On the Saturday of the 15th we had purchased rail tickets to attend our youngest granddaughter’s 21 birthday celebrations and were excited about it. We had our evening meal and she was fine. By 8pm she was unwell and eventually I called 111 emergency. Soon after, she collapsed, her blood pressure in the low danger zone. At 2:15 am she was rushed into hospital at Newport Ise of Wight, our home for the past 47 years and on Sunday morning an air ambulance rushed her to Southampton hospital where she was taken down for surgery straight away. She never recovered and died at around 6pm that evening. I miss her dreadfully, and though my daughter and granddaughters are there for me I would rather be with my wife. I feel so empty and the only solace I have is knowing at the age of 81 it won’t be too long now before I join her. Sharing our grief with those in the same boat is the best thing we can do, because we all understand what that emptiness of grief feels like. I for one will never get over it, but I will try my best to get through it, even though it will be the hardest struggle that I have ever had to face.
My sincere love to all going through the same nightmare as I…Keith
So sorry for your loss. My partner of 52 years died suddenly of heart failure. Like your circumstances it was so quick I never had time to say goodbye. We are on a journey of grief that we all must go through it’s hard but you have to keep plodding on for all the people who love you and your wife. You are in shock time heals I believe this life is different now cherish your friends and family and take care of yourself
Hi Keith sk sorry for yr loss we all go through so many emotions
My husband of 57 yes’s married passed in early November im plodding on I have very sad days and better days but have lost my best friend
He also died at the hospital in Newport iow at 80 yrs old
You take care we all here for support to each other keep reaching out
Thank you for your reply. We moved to the Island in 1977 and loved every minute of living there. My daughter who lives in Surrey insists that I go to live with her as the journey back and forth this last 8 weeks has been horrendous. I’m 81 and it would be difficult for her if anything were to happen to me.
Right now I miss my wife Pauline so much. My hope and prayers are that we will meet again in heaven. xx
I live in Surrey and have relatives on the I O W . One in Newport, One in Ryde & one in Shorwell. It is a lovely place to live, but it might be company for you with your Daughter. I had my Mum live with me for 3 & a half years when my Dad died & she was very happy here. My mum and Dad were both 95 when they died & I know my Mum would not have managed on her own. The thing is dont do anything unless you are sure. Who knows I might get to meet you if you move to Surrey ,Ha, Ha xx
So sorry @Abbiesnan that you’re feeling this way, it is still very early on & it’s natural that after the funeral & initial few months where many are checking in on you, the reality starts to hit. Don’t be too hard on yourself, putting on that brave face is also difficult & takes its toll. Sending love & strength 
You are helping, you’re telling others how you feel. I’m new to this. It’s only day 5 after a traumatic death from cancer. I’m struggling and I cannot believe he has actually died. Give yourself some praise, your helping others in your grief by replying
Thank you ORBITBLACK
The Isle of Wight was our home for 47 Years and I will miss it. However, it is just not practical for me to stay there. My daughter isn’t getting any younger and has to maintain a full time job, so what with time and cost of travelling to and fro it’s best I’m at arms length. Besides, I get to see my adult granddaughters more often too. I will visit my friends there from time to time, so not is all lost. My mother’s ashes are laid to rest at the Godshill church, so I’ll need to visit her grave as well.
My daughter lives just outside Oxted.
Keith…
Hello @Westminster3west,
I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your loved one that brings you here.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
@Westminster3west
So very sorry to hear if your loss. It’s a very hard journey we have all started. Keep coming on here and we’ll all try to help.
i have been away with friends for 3 days on the coast,i felt guilty/had to pinch myself once or twice because i was focused on enjoying myself,how odd is that,not as if i want to feel lonley/miserable. the brain is weird,now im back the sunshines,but im feeling low again,i tell myself i cant live in "holiday mode"the reality is im on my own,and need to adjust. going to the family for 5 days over the easter,so it will be back to the home alone cycle again,im looking at bus times and planning “day trips”,make use of the bus pass,not that there are too many buses around here.
Hi again, I am pleased you have made the right decision for you. I too have grown up Grandchildren and I find them and my Children a godsend. Nice to think also that you have old friends to catch up with. I live in a little village called Claygate & have done so for 53 years after moving from Cobham. I hope the move goes well for you, let me know how you are getting on, when you do. Pat .
It’s a dilemma, that tooing and froing of emotions. If i enjoy myself am I being deceitful to my love one’s memory? Can I keep the hurt going so that it keeps me near the person.?
All I know is that we can’t remain in 100% heartbreak for ever otherwise we’d go crazy and in the early days I felt I was going that way and I edged towards a nervous breakdown with it all. Fortunately I had the doctor, family, friends for support.
I know it doesn’t feel that way at the moment but eventually we do feel better, even if we have unexpected moments of grief that lay us low.
i thought i was doing so well at the 6 month period,(2 weeks ago)the sun was shinning,now its wet again,my mood suddenly dropped yesterday,no triggers,i call it tsunami,i can feel everything just draining out of me,and then bang,hit by emotions,i went tosleep in tears,i woke at 03.00 in tears,but too early to be on here,i resisted “devices” at night,just hoping sleep would return,it didnt this morning. need to buck up,i having my hair cut(at home) later,and friend coming for a cuppa. On thursday im going by train to stay with my family for 5 nights over easter,when i get back friends have various plans for meeting up and im hoping when the sun comes out again i shall feel enlivened to join them,not just turn up “because it looks like im making an effort”. hope everybody else is doing ok
I felt exactly the same as you @ the 6 month stage (2 weeks ago for me too). Went away for a 5 day break with friends, came home to the silent, empty house & wham back to square one. You’re brave going o the train alone, have a lovely time with the family xx
Hi I’m nearly at 6 month stage and have very sad times then sort of ok
I have just completed a huge thing I’ve moved two weeks ago my husband so wanted a bungalow when he died i took the house off the market then saw this bungalow sold my house within a very short time I’m sure I’ve done the right thing I know he’s here Robin comes every day and a presence in my bungalow he def is telling me I’ve done the right thing
I have family around but dread wknds x
thank you,yes,ive had a couple of breaks now with friends,but as you say,enjoy as you may its still empty house syndrome. i use the train as i dont drive on the m5,i can potter around cornwall,thats enough for me,and once the holiday season starts i shall avoid the roads! x
wow,thats one big step this early on,well done you,i decided to pack up and sell our caravan which was on a permenant site,that was upheaval enough,emotional and physical,i shall miss it,but can do without the expense of site fees,i can use that money for overseas trips with friends,something my husband declined to do,i went to lanzarote last month,and booked again for september. as for weekends…just the worst time,we all seem to say the same x
Hi yes I know I did the right thing
Good on you for going on hols abroad I have been a few times but always seen tk be the one they pat down which freaks me out ! But maybe I shall start with a coach trip x
@Hi all
My partner and me used to go to Crete at least 2or3times a year. We made so many friends. In May I’ll be going to take some of his ashes to sprinkle on his favourite beach. They’ll be a small service for our greek friends . I’m frightened and scared. But I promised him I’d always keep going. And I will. X