@manb
Yes it does seem like hitting a brick wall over n over…Tears on waking are the norm now.
Exhausting thinking what to do to fill a bit of time in although this house could do with a bit of TLC…
I’m dodging the showers with the washing. Made myself eat something even though don’t want it.
Might do some more weeding as they’re popping up all over the place with the warm rain we’ve had…
Going to nip n see my son n granddaughter up the road n see if she wants to come swimming this afternoon…Only thing is she’ll want to teach me to put my head under the water…!!!
Enjoy whatever you get up to if you can.
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I thought some of you might find some comfort in this poem.
Remember Me by Margaret Mead
To the living, I am gone.
To the sorrowful, I will never return.
To the angry, I was cheated,.
But to the happy, I am at peace.
And to the faithful, I have never left.
I cannot speak, but I can listen.
I cannot be seen, but I can be heard.
So, as you stand upon a shore gazing at a beautiful sea,
As you look upon a flower and admire its simplicity,
Remember me.
Remember me in your heart, your thoughts, and your memories,
Of the times we loved and the times we cried,
The times we fought and the times we laughed.
For if you always think of me, I will never have gone.
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mitzi,i envy you having son up the road,mine is 120miles,i see them about every 6 weeks,they have bust lives. as for the weeds,im sure they are sprouting before my eyes,need to kick myself into gear and get out there rather than just looking,yes,there are things to do,some days im fired with enthusiasm for DIY/garden,but not consistant,i know deep down that its the therapy i need,so much effort involved. i thought once the longest darkest winter had gone(he died in october)i would have more enthusiasm,im sure i have,but its so much easier to loose myself in a book,i suppose the answer is if it works,then thats what i do,as long as the house is clean/washing done/i feed myself properly,then i carry on till i feel differently/better about life. and you are right try and enjoy whatever we do whenever we can,it all makes sense when you sit and type it out,doing it,not always quite so easy!! x
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@manb
It’s an absolute effort to do anything really isn’t it.
Yes, some days we can be so positive and get things done but the next can’t do a blasted thing…That in itself is exhausting.
I know I’m extremely lucky to have both my sons within 5 minutes of me but I do try not to bother them unless absolutely necessary. They tend to call on me and my ex husband calls for his milky coffee maybe once or twice a week. We are lucky we have remained close which is good for the whole of the family…
I do have a circle of friends but it still doesn’t make up for the loss we have to endure does it…
Today I’ve found a bereavement cafe in my area near Rochdale so I will go along to that on the 11th and meet people in the same situation as me…Surely that can only help.
Is there anywhere near you that have a bereavement meeting.
They seem few n far between…and they shouldn’t be to be honest. Life n death is natural
At the beginning of life there are mum n baby groups everywhere, as there should be, but not much for people having to cope with the impact of losing someone…
i think i have seen bereavemnet groups,maybe not in my small town,but im not a face to face person with stuff like this,i find it much easier to express myself online,ive been on here since january when i really struggled,after the numb/shock months came reality,wow,like a tsunami,but it is easier most of the time,ive been away with friends,then its "empty house syndrome"i will get there,im a very +ve person,i dont know what i expected grief to be like,i had little time to think about what was happening,prepared…you cant be can you,you certainly find out who your friends are,and how long they stay! ok im off to the surgery to do battle about my 94 year old demented mother,could be interesting!!
yesterday i was out dealing with "issues"and had to be quite assertive,wow,i felt better,more like the old me,able to take charge of situations,fight my corner. the sun came out late afternoon,i had supper and a naughty but nice glass of wine in the garden with the blackbirds,i felt really pleased with myself. long may it last!
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@manb
Well done you n glad you enjoyed your cheeky glass n the birds…
It so lovely sitting in the garden.
I mowed the lawn yesterday and as soon as I’ve finished the blackbirds down listening n finding the worms.
So relaxing listening n watching nature.
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Yes, I can really identify with the swings from productive days - albeit usually just a single day - followed by multiple days when it’s an effort to do even the minimum. To manage it, I try to list what I DO get done. Positives are that the cat is always fed, I make a nice cup of coffee (means I have fresh milk) and there’s food in the cupboard. Then think about the undone jobs one at a time because the total number is huge. Anyway it’s bang on-trend to have an overgrown garden.
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wild gardens are good for nature! after my productive day yesterday and a good start to today im faltering,feel physically exhausted all of a sudden,just want to collapse in a chair,which is what im doing right now,dont know about anybody else,but i do worry about "brewing"some sort of bug when i feel so exhausted,because whos here to help,just one of the many things to have in the back of your mind on the "worry play list!. no wonder we feel exhausted! take care everybody
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I haven’t had any good days for a while . I’m afraid John’s photos are still facing the wall as it’s too awful still to look at what i’ve lost. It all happened to quickly with no warning. So i can’t come to terms with it at all.
The bus is running again now so i’m trying to go out to a friendship group once a week. To see people. Even after 7months i still cannot believe he’s gone. I still cannot get out of bed in the morning. I stay in bed trying to convince myself it is worth getting up. Sadly it isn’t. Xx
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Grief is hell & my husband died over 7 years ago.
& im now moving but its all the questions from the solicitor e.mails & forms.
More & more money for searches 2 be done, it has really pushed me, where i feel like exploding.
When u think it cant get any worse.
So take care of yourself.
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aww,know how you feel with shock,adrian was having palliative chemo,and doing well,but then he had a cardiac arrest when out for his constitution ,the police are at the door…coming up for 8 months now,whats getting me through this,albeit hit and miss is knowing he/we wont have to go through more chemo,and the inevitable effects of the cancers,it kept me awake for months prior to his sudden death of how we would cope with end of life care,when its not easy to source,those worries have gone. iam a very positive,assertive person by nature,i think that keeps me afloat when im doing doggie paddle in ever decreasing circles,the "all day tear fests"are still with me,never a trigger factor,it just happens,i shout at myself,i shout at his photo. im taking some stuff down to the sue ryder shop later,i had thought of volunteering down there after the summer,the thought of another winter alone fills me with horror,and thats before we get there,last year i was too raw .take care “yewtree”,its good that you are opening up on here and being honest .
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My wife died nearly 2 years ago after a long suffering with dementia
I find that whatever I do now is tinged with guilt because I feel that I’m betraying her, going behind her back so to speak. Of course I know she gone, I know I have to get on with what’s left but all chances of happiness are left wanting.
In a pretend world she’d return and we’d pick up where we left off. But she seems there, just over my shoulder being hurt by my having a life on my own making decisions without her.
It’s so hard to put things to one side and try to live an alternate life, one you never wanted
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Understandable Peter, I think we all feel guilt at some point, especially if we are having a good day, enjoying ourselves, it hits us that someone is missing. We just have to keep on taking one day at a time.
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my guilt is wondering what people think of me if im out “enjoying”, Adrian would be delighted that im trying to function without him,my true friends,the ones who im out with are encouraging me,know my limits,but there are those people who make comments,not rude,but i feel like its “having a dig”,i guess im over sensitive because i already feel the guilt,then i wonder about going out to socialise? everything is such an emotionalmuddle!!
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Peter If it was you looking down on your wife, would you feel that she was betraying you, or going behind your back. Of course not. She loves you and would not want you sitting around miserable all the time. I am sure she would want you to have some happiness in your life.
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i agree with that Rob,its what i tell myself,he would be wanting me to get out there with our friends,not easy eh?
Hi,i can fully sympathise with everybody on here.My darling Ronnie died six weeks ago.Still so raw physical pain,constant crying.Weekends are the very worst.All our plans for summer.The going out and coming home to an empty house,Such awful.sadness,lonliness.Have married children and grandchildren,but they have their work,school uni , friends, other halves parents and sibllings,so cannot expect them to be com.ing to see me all time.Although they do their best.I prefer to stay at home, going out shopping or with family,seeing other couples, our age,together, happy,is almost unbearable. When i go food shopping,i do itas fast possible, to get back home.Want to shut the world out.I hope as the months stretch ahead,i can start to think more positive,but at the moment, just eant to go to sleep and not wake up.
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Manb, My Darling wife of 52 years passed suddenly in one day on the 14 April 2024. She was a wonderful woman. I had been her carer for 20 odd years as she had Parkinson’s disease, diagnosed in 1994. So I was left with a huge hole in my life. So I went through the what is the point of my life now, I could have done more, Why didn’t I go with her in the ambulance. My grown up children were very supportive. I belong to a book club and one of the ladies, who had been though this some years ago said to me. When you have been on a fantastic holiday, when you come back you remember the holiday’s good times, but don’t regret it ending. Try and think about your partnership like that, remember the good times and rejoice in them and try and leave the grief behind. I have been trying to do that. Then the other thing I saw somewhere kicks in " Time does not heal a heartache, nor stop a silent tear, or take away the memories of one we held so dear. So yes I still miss her, yes I do have a silent tear. But I am going to try and make the most of the happy memories and be glad of them, and try and leave the grief behind. I am being able to manage the grief a little better and get a warm feeling when something reminds me of her, though sometimes still with a silent tear. Enough of a ramble, well it makes me feel better.
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just being on this site opening up,it helps,same storm,different ships,ramble on…yes,its good to express yourself,i find this place a great comfort,my idea was originally when i joined this forum was “talking to strangers helps”,yes it does,then somebody said “strangers are friends we are yet to meet” how true, “things are getting worse rather than better” is the best help i have could have hoped for,i hope you all feel similar
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