So I do find comfort now in some things 10 weeks on. At night when I go to bed. I hold out my hand and I pretend my mum is holding it. I actually look forward to going to bed because of this little ritual. I also like to light a candle next to mums ashes and sit and just have quiet reflection. Sometimes with a glass of red wine and classical music playing. I also love talking about my mum. It does get painful so only so much I can take but i literally mention her name every time I get the chance. My dreams are always filled of my mum and I do look forward to my dreams. They are not as horrific as they used to be. They are getting better. I had a nap this afternoon. And in my dreAm I heard her say “do you want a cup of tea”. It was so clear. I cried for hours after. But it was very comforting.
I’m glad you’re finding some comfort…it’s lovely you’re dreaming of your mum . I hope you continue to gain comfort and strength x
My dreams/nightmares were horrific. But they have stopped thank god.
Hi Jooles I too have that feeling of holding my wife Janes hand she passed away last November but as I sit outside in the garden on the bench we have sat on during past summers its as if Jane is sitting holding my hand like she used to do.
Now the weather as got colder and wearing a winter coat I can feel her hand in my pocket her hands were always cold and walking together she always carried her handbag and always used to say at least I’ll have one warm hand.
My one big regret is we didn’t have any children a daughter would have been nice to hold her hand and know she would have been part of Jane.
Walking holding hands always seemed to make us both feel secure and wish she was here now just a brief moment would do to feel that security once more…
Kind regards MM69
That’s a lovely story. It looks like we all pretend to some extent. I haven’t thought of the hand holding idea. I do have flowers, a serpentine lighthouse and a sign saying ‘I’d rather be in Scilly’ which she wrote on the back that she bought in 2015 all next to her ashes. On top I have her watch, almost symbolically marking the passage of time as it continues to tick without her.
I do like to have some quiet reflection time although this morning has hit me hard as I suddenly realised just now that it was 10 weeks exactly to the moment when everything changed. I can see it all unfolding again in front of me and it’s a horrible waking dream now. I got myself into a complete mess!
I do talk to my mum as well and have said good night to her numerous times.
Above all, there is a common theme that we all crave that touch again and I do imagine a hug from her like I used to get and I can feel what that hug is like. I wish I’d had more now.
I can easily imagine her asking me if I want a cup of tea and that especially happens if I go round to her house to sort more stuff. I often answer that imagined question out loud. Sort of I comfort I guess although there is nobody there anymore to actually make me any tea.
It’s heart wrenching what we have left to hold on to, but it’s about self preservation now I guess. What does it take to stop the pain.
Not sure, I’m still searching for that magic formula. Must be out there somewhere. In the meantime I’ll keep doing those things which I feel I have to do to get through this. I wish there was a manual on the right way.
Jooles, I am glad you are finding some comfort in any way you can. I also dream of my Sister very often in the year since her death. Our Mom (died in 2012) often joins my Sister in the dreams. The most beautiful, albeit heart wrenching dream was recently. In the dream I found a Dr. who said he could “bring her back.” I begged him to do so. Next a lovely car pulled up, and out of the back seat emerged my beloved Sister, looking whole and well again. We ran into each other’s arms and I held her so tightly, as I wept with joy at having her back. I could feel her warm skin, and the smell of her hair. No one can convince me she was not there. We walked off hand in hand, and I never wanted to let go of her hand. The last time I held her little hand was when she was dying in the hospital. When I woke up, and had to face she not there, my heart sank, and I remained in utter despair for days. I got her back, only to lose her again. A bittersweet experience. I am told it was a visit, her way of letting me reestablish that connection with her, even if was not in the earthly realm. Xxx
To you all what lovely memories you have shared with us. Thankyou for doing so.
When I go walking I put out my hand for Brian to hold. I’m not sure if it’s his hand but my hand always becomes heavier.
Sister 2 treasure that moment with your sister, she was with you for certain. I had a similar experience during the early hours of my birthday. Brian came and put his arms around me. Told me he loved me. I was crying and laughing all at once but I was able to touch his hands, his face before he left me again. He hadn’t forgotten my birthday and I treasure that meeting. I felt as if I was walking on air all the next day. For a while the sadness had lifted. We had other meetings and he had also called out my name quite clearly.
I mentioned my dream in the other thread. I truly believe it was my mum. Saying her proper goodbye as she couldn’t in the hospital.
The night after my mum died I had the most vivid dream. We were standing on a beach she looked happy and healthy wearing a pink jacket. No longer in her hospital gown. We hugged so tight. We couldn’t hug properly in the hospital because of her pain in her back and all the machines. She said “I love you so so much”. She then kissed me several times on the lips. Then she was gone. I woke up shaking and crying. I have never had such a vivid dream before and never had one since. On the day of mums funeral a pink jacket was hanging in the conservatory and I asked dad “have I seen that before”. He said I don’t think so she bought it for our holiday to Isle of Wight a few weeks ago.
I’ve had no dreams of Mum yet, but part of me is almost glad as it all feels very raw at only 5 weeks. My Dad passed away close to 20 years ago. I love it when i dream of my Father. It feels like I’m bringing him back to life.
Thank you Pat. Your dream was also so very meaningful. I know, like my Sister, your loved one was with you too. I also had a vivid dream where she was talking to me on the phone (as we always did), and her voice was so clear. These are sacred moments, but too fleeting. Xxx Sister2
I am so moved by your dream Jooles. Your Mom was definitely there, just like my sister was in my dream. Our loved ones were happy & healed in our dreams. We must hold on to that.