thinking back all those years i still cannot understand why!

losing my very best ever friend lover soulmate Jayne and the devastation im still going through and missing Jayne like crazy, knowing she was very rarely ill at all, and driving so far to and from work all those years and i worried a lot knowing how many accidents happen every day. Jayne had 2 cars written off both were not her was a deer that suddenly appeared as she was driving down a slip road onto the motorway, The other was avoiding something which fell in the middle of the road causing the car to veer into the central reservation. Both times we counted our lucky starts that Jayne walked away unhurt.when I look back on my life when I was 9 I was running with a sharp stick in my hand[I dont know why]but I tripped and fell face first my hand hit the floor and the stick grazed the eye socket of my left eye.looking back it could of gone straight through my eye I was lucky.when I was 19 I was stupidly cycling with no lights on my bike it was pitch black and I was coming up to a hump back bridge when a car came over the top and I was blinded couldn’t see nothing I ended up shooting off done the side of the bridge into some bushes,luckily a little shaken but unscathed.then when I was 21 I used to go swimming with my friend jeff and his 3 kids.watching them dive in with the heads way above their arms hence not protecting there heads,i decided to emphasize putting your head lower than your arms.well I dived in and hit my head on the bottom of the water and broke my nose was blood every were.i usually when diving in the shallow end as soon as my body as brokem the surface of the water put my hands so they hit the floor of the swimming pool. any way luckily I didn’t knock myself unconscious .then 2 years after this whilst playing cricket I was hit with a ball which hit the shoulder of my bat diverting the ball straight into my nose which was broken ive had quite a few operations in my life which luckily ive come through.any of these events in my life could of ended it,as some people die every day from freak accidents we have little if any control over.was mentioning these events in my life 1985 I was working in the kwik save in Kimberley.doing my job when I was told by a cashier that I was wanted by the store manager.i walked to is office and he greeted me and said I will leave you to speak with your relative.with this I walked in the office to see my grandma,i knew obviously something serious was wrong.without breaking breath or pulling any punches she said 3 words which I found very hard to digest.Samantha is dead.Samantha was my little sister the youngest of 4 siblings and the only girl.i was the oldest.i rang my mum who was obviously distraught who to me my very healthy sister who was in a running club had been out running when she was sick and the sick had some how block her air ways and was told she was worked on for 30 minutes or so with no response.i tried to carry on working but was in floods of tears a cashier a female about my age gave me a comforting cuddle whilst I was breaking up.why had this very unusual thing happened to my sister it was unbelievable I couldn’t imagine how something like being sick could lead to total devastation and it played over in my mind for months,and months,a fit little girl who had her whole life infront of her was taken away in a matter of the hell could this be possible? it effected my responses to people losing mums dads etc etc as all I ever saw for a few years was people who had lived way longer than Samantha dying I thought so what my sister didn’t even have a life .not a nice way to look at other peoples suffering but thats how I felt for years and years.wasnt really until I lost my dad 21 years later I knew that some ones age at which they died didn’t alter how we could feel so devastated when they died.being the one who guided me for 40 odd years and how he supported and gave me all the love a father could give crushed my life at the time.luckily at this point in my life I had a beautiful caring wonderful loving partner in Jayne and because my love for this lady was way beyond limits I coped and wouldn’t say got over the loss but managed to carry on with my heart goes out to anyone whether you lose a mum dad sister or partner in my case losing Jayne hurts way more than I could ever fully comprehend,but to others losing their dad mum sister brother could be the one who crushes their spirit beyond what you ever thought possible.heres hoping you all find ways to cope whether thats other family members giving you love and comfort or friends or counselling,as ive said many a time on this site there is no time limit for grief and what works for one wont always work for another.we have to deal with the loss in what ever way works for the individual going through this very traumatic time in there lives.and sadly not every one will find a way,sadly thats human nature.


Agree everyone is different, there is no time limit and we all find are own ways of coping. Lovely words. Thinking of you x

1 Like

thank you Sarrah very much appreciated

1 Like

Hi Ian, In reading over your post, the sudden loss of your younger sister resonates with me. You may know from my previous posts, that I also lost my beloved younger sister suddenly. I lost my parents prior to that, but my sister & I had each other after their deaths (like you had Jane when your Dad died). Since my sister’s death, I often hear or know of people older and sicker than she, who manage to survive their illnesses and go on to enjoy life again. I would never begrudge them that blessing, however I cannot help but cry out “why could that not have been my sister?” she fought so hard and was always positive, and we were told her cancer was “treatable.”
I concur that it is not the age, or whom it was, but the loss of that special person that will “crush our spirit” when they are taken from us. That person (my sister, your Jayne) was our lifeline, now severed and leaving us with nothing to hold on to. I still search for ways to cope. I’ve tried support groups, therapy, staying busy till I drop, mindless TV, but these are but temporary measures to something that is permanent and can never be resolved. Like you, I just want her back, and this nightmare to be over. My heart goes out you, and everyone struggling with this horrendous grief. Xxx Sister2

1 Like

This topic is so very sad, I do identify with those of you who have lost a sibling, my brother to whom I was very close, passed away 4 years ago. He was 8 years younger than me, my mum always blamed Hitler because of the big gap in our ages.:nauseated_face. We were so close, not just siblings but friends too, how I feel for you. x