I am so glad I discovered this forum. It’s been almost 11 weeks. I am very solitary and live in a rural, remote area. I have only a couple of friends close by, and no family. I knew I needed to be able to unburden myself. I found this site and started reading, and I felt this was a good place. After reading posts that echoed the feelings I was experiencing, I was able to reach out and speak. The gentle, compassionate understanding that I, and many others, receive here is so vital to our healing. Reading, and rereading, has allowed me to see the small steps that I have taken; has allowed me to step outside my grief and feel compassion for others; has allowed me to hope that there will be a positive future. It feels safe here - some days it makes me cry, and I think “oh everyone is so sad too…”, other days it uplifts me and makes me think more about healing myself and being positive. The first time someone thanked me for my words, it was an wonderful feeling…11 weeks ago I no positive words for anyone…now at least I try as much as I can…
What a lovely post Heather Diane. I agree wholeheartedly. I am so pleased the forum has helped you. It has given me great comfort too. Just to know we are not alone in our grief and to have people understand is worth so much. I have ‘met’ some wonderful people on here and for that I will always remain grateful. Sending love to you xx
Hi. Diane. Kate is one of the most comforting people on here. She is like so many of us, a wish to share our grief and help as best we can. When I read your post I felt such love come through. Not only that but you have an attitude that can only be helpful to you in the future.
Well, it may be the first time anyone thanked you for your words, but now is the second. Thank you for such a heartfelt and compassionate post.
‘Stepping outside yourself’ as you say, is helpful. Very much so, and in helping others you help yourself. This is not being selfish. I have found such understanding here. I don’t think any of us are here by chance. I was just browsing the web when I came upon Sue Ryder. Having read a few posts I realised that unless you have been in grief there is no way you can know. Everyone on here knows.
Grief is very much a personal affair. We all respond in different ways. There is no right or wrong or set time, but we need to just go with it and the pain involved.
Yes small steps, baby steps is all that’s needed at the moment. Little ‘bits’ of comfort can add up to big ‘bits’. Take comfort and help where you can.
Bless you, and thanks again for a heartwarming post.
I too would like to in and give my thanks. There’s not much I can add that Kate and Jonathan haven’t already said, so excellently.
Can I say your post is uplifting, you are a lovely lady and I know that you love nature and draw comfort with your walking as I do.
Thank you for that. I hope one day I can offer words of encouragement to someone who is in the early stages as I am now. 7 weeks now. I do get comfort when people reply and tell me to hold on when I absolutely feel like I am not able.
Heather Diane…
…i am so happy that God helped you find your way to our UK forum, from all the way from your homeland in Canada…I too post on an American " seniors in age " site and had been made welcome as a member from the UK, ten or so years ago…I know from posts from them over these ten years that they deal with their losses in a differnt way to us here in UK, meaning they are now at peace and with their-our God, and are now out of pain…Yes they are now in a better place than we are, although we might not agree on this, we are the ones who have now taken over their pain…
Jackie…thank you for your post…
Jonathan-Heather Diane…
…yes that is-was the word i was looking for, our American-Canadian friends have a different, more positive " attitude…" to death, than us here in UK…
Jackie…
I had reached the point where I had to talk to someone.Although I have no one to physically talk to this has been the best thing I could have done.Thank you,everyone x
Hi Jill - I never thought I would be on an online forum discussing my grief and loss - but here I am. I had no one to talk with and found this site while browsing. You can say anything you want, or need to say, at any time. For me, that kind of release has helped my healing. Reading the stories of others makes me realize how truly strong & resilient we can be. Their kindness & understanding make me see that this journey is easier when shared with others.
I like to talk & listen - so please don’t hesitate whenever the urge takes you - write!
Be gentle and patient with yourself…
I had no one to talk to either.My kids are too far away.I get the occasional phone call but that’s all.We had no friends here.We had each other and that was enough for us.He was disabled and I was his full time carer.Each day I just go through the motions of getting up,having breakfast,feed the cats then the day looms ahead of me until bed time.Is this all there is for the rest of my life?I make the effort to go into town but everything just reminds me of Rob,especially now at Christmas.I don’t want to even think about that.
Take small steps - if it doesn’t feel right one day, try it the next. It’ s very hard in the beginning to go out and about. And I won’t even start with Christmas!! The simple everyday tasks can become complicated and emotional. We are traumatized and vulnerable and open to all types of triggers. It’s 40km to town, and my first trip to the grocery store lasted about 10minutes and I bought nothing. I made myself go back the next day and it was easier, but it still felt very unreal. I made no eye contact and idle conversation. My visits to town went on like this for quite awhile. One day I was feeling a bit better, and I noticed that I was willing to engage with people differently. Everyone I looked at that day, smiled at me, and I had to smile back. It was truly amazing.
Many days I am glad when night comes and another day has ended. No matter how much I might accomplish during the day, or how I might fill in the time, does not alter the fact that I am alone. There is nothing I can do to change that . I am trying to learn how to live alone, and it is very hard and very different, and of course, not at all where i want to be…